


Out of the Black, Into the Blue

by kareutas, nihil_goddess



Category: Jrock, the GazettE
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Codependency, Dialogue Heavy, Drama, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Drug dealer Aoi, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, M/M, Past Sexual Abuse, Romance, Stripper Uruha, Strippers & Strip Clubs, Substance Abuse, Violence, Yakuza
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-19
Updated: 2018-11-29
Packaged: 2019-06-12 18:11:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 66,138
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15345612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kareutas/pseuds/kareutas, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nihil_goddess/pseuds/nihil_goddess
Summary: Danger is a necessity when your life is lived on the edge, when you crave the adrenaline and life’s most illegal desires. Two people find themselves in the midst of chaos and pleasure, which parts will they indulge in? What sets them apart from the likes of others? Will they follow their hearts? Or the little white devil that hides in their veins? Either way, their fates have been sealed.





	1. Tokyo Kilos

Aoi and his boys finished their round in the clubs around Yokohama.  

He had made good amounts of cash, only a few grams of the white gold remaining in his pockets. As he drove his cabriolet down the highway, the guys decided to drop by a strip club.  

“They say their strippers are both male and female but so beautiful that you can’t tell the difference!!”  

Aoi didn’t particularly care. 

Strippers were good customers so maybe he would be able to sell the last bags.  

He parked backwards at a yard close to the address he was told. 

The bouncer, a Yakuza and acquaintance of them nodded as they went through the heavy red velveteen curtains that covered the entrance.  

The smell of heavy, sweet perfume and cigars filled the room. They took seats in a booth, Aoi looked over the three stages; the rumors were true.  

All of the dances were stunning. His eyes got stuck on one moving body though, the dancer's skin shined as white as the moon, covered in rose-red lingerie. A bleached shade of copper blond hair fell over delicate, yet muscular shoulders and the dancer moved his head so elegantly, Aoi swallowed hard. 

Almost out of his mind he ordered whiskey as the waitress came by, he couldn’t take his eyes off the beauty on the pole before him. 

Aoi didn’t realize when one of his guys waved a hand in his face. “Look alive, we’re here to do business.” 

Aoi snapped out of the trance he had found himself in and nodded, he didn’t come to the club to get distracted, there were things that needed to be done. Yet he looked back again, his head spinning like a revolver, the dancer had an enigmatic way of moving around the stage, he commanded the space as his back slid sensually down the metal pole. Aoi felt like a loaded gun as he bit down on his bottom lip, he considered himself an adventurous man that never turned down the chance for something new and exotic, he hadn’t planned on anyone in particular catching his eye, but the dancer in the crimson lingerie had his mind wandering off elsewhere, to more exciting places than a cramped strip club.  

The white powder in his pocket reminded him what he had gone there to do, there was no room for distractions, and if he had time after, he’d get a lap dance, though something gnawing inside him let him know that perhaps other types of territories would be invaded that night. 

Moments later two guys, their broad shoulders covered in pin striped suits, smoking thick cigars took seats next to him and his guys. 

Aoi assumed they were managers or even the owners of the club. He couldn’t follow the conversation as his eyes were drawn to the dancer over and over again.  

The next thing he saw was one of his mates making a gesture towards the toilets as the group stood up from their table. As they squeezed into the toilet stall one of his friends started preparing five lines, letting their new customers try out what they were about to buy. Aoi was the last one to take out his little tube, snorting the white powder that sparkled in his throat. Their customers nodded and were satisfied, and cash and white little plastic bags were exchanged in a heartbeat. 

Aoi felt his heart pumping, his confidence bloomed on a brand-new level.  

He had to see the dancer in the crimson lace. Nothing would stop him. When they returned to their table, the last performance had just ended and the dancers were getting off their poles; Aoi walked towards the stage on the right without even thinking about it for a second. The dancer he had kept watching walked down the stairs of his stage, his long legs moved so graceful, Aoi felt how his heart skipped a beat. In his platform stiletto heels, the boy was good 30 cm taller than him. 

Actually, Aoi had no idea what he was supposed to say now, and normally this beauty would have intimidated him so much he would’ve been speechless - but la buena cocaína let him carry his shoulders taut and his head held high. He let his eyes wander up this angelic body, the plump lips covered in clear gloss made him feel hot inside. 

Meeting his gaze, he put on his most charming Aoi-smile. “You were distracting me so much, I almost screwed over my deal.“ 

The dancer smirked impishly as his gaze met Aoi’s. “Hm, well that wouldn’t have been good.”  

That sensual husky voice nearly sent Aoi over the edge, he was trying to keep himself cool and collected. But this proved to be difficult as he continued staring at the dancer, he was more beautiful up close and far more intimidating. Aoi felt perplexed by his own behavior, he wasn’t the type of man to let anyone intimidate him, and yet... 

“What’s your name?” Aoi felt himself asking stupidly. The question just came out of him organically, he didn’t know why his interest had piqued so much.  

The dancer’s eyebrow rose in question, lips curling into a smirk, “People around here call me Angel.” 

Aoi’s face heated, the effect of the drug making him feel elated and slightly euphoric, “Angel?” 

“To some yes,” The dancer responded, “To others, I can be the devil.”  

“And what’s your poison, Angel?” Aoi asked, gaining back a bit of his suave persona.  

The dancer’s eyes narrowed dangerously, drinking Aoi in with each moment. There was something he wanted, the way his breathing sped up answered that question.  

“I think you know.” 

The dancer spoke with such a cold, yet seductive undertone, Aoi's stomach was riding a wild roller coaster; yet his high let him keep up his cool attitude. The boy had something very withdrawn about him, it made seem so mysterious that Aoi felt like he would do anything to figure out what could be behind his mask. “If you show me what your heaven is like, I will show you mine” Aoi grinned mischievously.   

As the blond boy pressed his full lips together to moisten them Aoi knew that he had conquered new grounds. There was no pole dancer who could resist a good line.  

At the table Aoi's boys still sat down, they watched him and just shook their heads. 

“Of course he'd immediately hook up with one of the strippers...” 

“Can’t be mad at him, whoever he picked is probably one of the most beautiful dolls in here.” 

Aoi had forgotten that he had even come to this club with company, he was hypnotized by Angel's glow and nothing around him seemed to matter.  

“Follow me.” Angel's lips curled into a smile laced with lust and wickedness.

There was nothing Aoi would rather do. 

Angel led him to one of the private chambers of the club, through dark corridors of soundproof walls.  

Everything inside Aoi was on fire.  

“Paradise” was written on the door to the room Angel opened.  

As he locked the door, Aoi found himself in a small room with a huge bed, covered in red velvet again.  

He sat down in the matching armchair beside the bed, casually lighting up a cigarette. 

The first drag immediately let his inner tension loosen a bit but sharpened his senses even more. As Angel came to sit on his lap, he could smell his perfume, it was intoxicating to him, going straight to his head, making him question if he was high on cocaine or on this boy. 

Turning the filter of the cigarette towards Angel he let him take a drag as well, inhaling the fumes that Aoi was partial to. 

The dancer tilted his head to the side, letting his angelic locks fall against his bare shoulder. Aoi could only watch with rapt fascination as Angel exhaled the smoke, there was something so sensual about the way he dragged the cigarette away from his lips. “How about you relax,” the dancer spoke softly, he traced his hands down Aoi’s chest, his hips undulating slowly, “You look like a busy man, I can take you to your own personal paradise.” Aoi nearly moaned at that, he grabbed the cigarette from Angel’s hand and sucked it into his mouth. He felt like he was flying high, his senses completely overwhelmed with desire.  

Aoi shut his eyes tightly and gladly accepted Angel’s offer, he liked the way Angel’s touch felt like a hit of his favorite drug.  

The dancer did what he knew best as he moved against Aoi’s hips, his neck tilted to the side exposing soft iridescent flesh. Aoi almost wanted to reach up and grab Angel by the neck and kiss him hard, but he couldn’t end the fun so soon. Other sensations were yet to be experienced and Aoi nearly lost his breath as the dancer dragged his sharp nails down his chest, it was erotic and Aoi hissed in pleasure, one arm wrapping around Angel’s back, pulling him close. “Does the devil like to come out and play?”  

 Angel smirked, pushing Aoi back down and moving harder against him, “Only when provoked.” Those lips that Aoi hadn’t been able to take his eyes off curled wickedly, there was something so other worldly about the dancer. 

Aoi sucked in the last bit of nicotine and smashed the cigarette out on the wall.  

“Does it excite you?” Angel whispered, he pulled Aoi’s hands up to run down his torso, the red lace getting caught on Aoi’s silver rings. “Danger.” 

 All of Aoi's senses were sharpened to the maximum.  

The soft moves of the dancer's hips stirred up heat within him and as he got to touch his peachy and smooth skin, he felt how he moved one step closer to heaven. Aoi laid his head back, drinking in the dancer's eyes, reaching for his lips.  

Angel gazed back for a moment, hesitating on his desire to kiss a little longer before leaning down to place his glossy lips on the pair of the dark-haired man.  

Sensually and gently he moved his lips against him only once before parting his lips, seeking entrance. Aoi's eyes had been closed, ready for a wild game between tongues and lips. Licking the sweet flavored gloss off his own lips, he chewed on his piercing, giving Angel a look full of desire. 

Letting his hands glide over the dancer's body, over his ass, before squeezing him gently, caressing his soft thighs while not breaking their eye contact.  Aoi felt like he had completely lost himself in those dark irises. As if he fell into deep water and wouldn’t stop sinking to the ground; he hoped he’d never have to reach for the surface again. This darkness was comforting.  

A pinch of melancholy was there too, but depth and the mysteries remained stronger. 

He felt the dancer's lips back on his own, this time, he took control of the kiss.

Aoi lost control. 

Untamed and wild he kissed the dancer, rubbing his tongue against Angel's, grabbing him by the waist and by his neck to pull him as close to his body as possible. He felt his erection pulsating against his jeans. Aoi raised his knee and pressed it against Angel's butt and his leg between his thighs. 

“Eager?” The dancer moaned as he continued kissing Aoi’s full lips, his hands sneaking between them as he fumbled with Aoi’s zipper. It felt too incredibly good to have those expert hands trying to grab his erection, it had Aoi’s vision going blurry and his breathing speeding up. He almost didn’t realize when the dancer had rummaged through his pocket and found the small bag with the glorious white powder. Aoi’s eyes widened with fascination as Angel took the bag and got on his knees, spreading Aoi’s legs slightly apart.  

Before Aoi could even wrap his head around what was going on, Angel had taken his hard cock in hand and stroked it with languid ease.  

“Fuck...” Aoi threw his head back in bliss, every muscle in his body relaxing as the dancer stroked his hard length. Angel hummed in appreciation, his eyes twinkling with lust and fervor, loving how he was making the other man come undone.  

Suddenly the dancer stopped stroking Aoi’s cock and he grabbed the baggie and eyed it roguishly. “Diamonds crushed into snow.” He murmured, and Aoi could only watch as Angel opened the bag and neatly spread the magic powder into a line on Aoi’s shaft. The dancer smirked as he pressed one finger to his left nostril and then snorted the forbidden fruit with the other. Aoi had to keep his jaw from dropping as Angel snorted the coke off of him like a champ. It was beyond euphoric.  

“Delicious,” Angel ran his tongue along the side of Aoi’s cock, licking up every last drop. Aoi pulled him into a kiss again, tasting the bitter, sparkling flavor of coke. 

“Do you like it? You can keep the bag if you want. There’s a lot more where this came from. I do have an eye for the best diamonds..but you already figured that out, I guess.”  He brushed over Angel's neck with his lips, leaving slightly red traces with his lip ring. He kept stroking over Angel's back, letting his hands slide under the garter belt, pulling on the straps to let them snap back.  

The noise of the straps slapping on Angel's juicy thigh put a smirk into Aoi's face. “So sexy.” 

He grabbed Angels hand and placed it back into his crotch, wanting to finish off. Aoi felt that his way of grabbing him became stronger and rougher and Angel enjoyed it, it just turned him on even more. His heart was racing. Angel's nose and upper lip still had a few white spots left over and Aoi kissed them off. 

As Angel was stroking him faster, Aoi just closed his eyes and groaned, he felt his climax coming closer.  

“Harder...” he whispered into the pierced ear next to him, before nibbling on the lobe. 

As Angel's fingers glided over his slit with his thumb, Aoi thrusted into Angels fist, throwing his head back, holding his orgasm for a few seconds so his touch wouldn't make him lose his mind. That was inevitable. 

Aoi's eyes rolled back as he came hot liquid over Angel's hand. In three or four thrusts everything he had stirred up before had been released. Trying to catch his breath again he opened his eyes, pulling the dancer into a tight embrace. 

Aoi stood up, and walked the dancer towards the bed, throwing him on the mattress before fishing out his last bag of coke out of his pocket. He felt how his current high was coming down, but he wasn’t ready to sober up yet. Slipping out of his shoes, he crossed his legs next to the dancer, spilling a few crumbs on his naked thigh. “Don't move.” 

He started spreading the crumbs with a credit card, which left a few red marks on the dancer's thigh. When the powder was nice and less sticky, he scratched it to a long line. Pulling his tube out of his other pocket, he snorted everything off the milky thigh, placing a kiss on it afterwards. Leaning back down next to Angel, he wrapped his arms around the slender torso. 

“Now, Tell me your actual name. Who are you? You truly look like an angel but not one that should be in a place like this.” 

Angel threw his head back, the drug settling in his system and making everything around him seem wonderful. He looked at Aoi with half lidded eyes, his flushed cheeks and kiss bitten lips lit up by the dim red light in the room. The dancer looked like the image of seduction, too tempting for Aoi.  

“Well,” Angel began, “In the land of gods and monsters, I’m an angel, but I have horns, I can take care of myself.”  

 Aoi looked at him, one eyebrow raised in question, there was more that met the eye with the man in front of him, it was a mixture of sin and virtue and Aoi couldn’t decide which one he was attracted to more.  

Angel was perfect in his eyes, perhaps a little more than he felt comfortable admitting.  

“Uruha...” The angel before him murmured, “You can call me Uruha.” Aoi swallowed hard as Uruha climbed on top of him, straddling his hips. The dancer now known as Uruha began rocking against Aoi, his hard cock brushing against the flimsy lace material, making him growl in ecstasy.  

“What’s your name Tiger?” Uruha asked heatedly, leaning down and capturing Aoi’s full lips with his own. 

Aoi smirked. “That isn’t your real name either... it suits you though. You took the Kanji from 麗しい (uruwashii) huh? Gorgeous." 

Aoi watched the dancers body in fascination, brushing his fingers over those milky thighs placed next to his torso. 

Satisfied he noticed how turned on Uruha got. Aoi stroked all over his body, over his shoulder blades until he could dig his fingers into golden hair. The feel of his long strands touching his skin, their lips and tongues hitting each other like ebb and flow made him feel feverish again. When they parted their lips, Aoi opened his eyes, catching the dancers' gaze. 

“Everyone just calls me Aoi...like hollyhock. I may look cute, but I’m very poisonous.” He chuckled, caressing Uruhas cheek. His phone vibrated in his pocket. Aoi groaned annoyedly. Pulling the device out of his butt pocket, his eyes widened in shock. 

 _“Man, where the fuck are you? Cops!”_ Was glowing on the screen. 

Normally when Aoi got in the way of the law he just bribed the cops; many of those in Yokohama were his loyal customers themselves; but being caught high, in drug possession while being with a stripper, and probably participating in some type of prostitution was far too dangerous and would be harder to get out of.  

They were both in trouble.  

“We gotta get out of here. Where’s the back door?”  

Turning the screen towards Angel's face he felt paranoia growing within him. He had done too much cocaine during the night for him to keep cool right now. 

Uruha was in a state of pure bliss he almost didn’t realize what was going on. He had been busy getting too comfortable with his client, someone that shouldn’t have been making him feel as airy and comfortable as he felt. Uruha had to be weary of other men, they were always assholes, but Aoi wasn’t like any of the men he had encountered at the club, this he had to admit. 

“Cops?” He suddenly snapped out the daze and was in and sat up, pulling the lingerie back on along with his stilettos. “The cops hardly ever come by this late, what the hell?” 

Aoi was freaking out as he slipped his shoes back on and grabbed everything, the small baggies of white powder shoved deep in his pocket. He couldn’t risk losing more product, they had to make a swift exit, find a way to get the hell out of the club.  

“The back door is this way!” Uruha motioned towards the back of the room, the door was painted black and Aoi wouldn’t have guessed it was an exit. He looked at Uruha’s face one last time, in a way, sealing his fate.  

“Come on!” And with that, they were both gone into the night. A small flickering lamppost was the only source of light as they stepped out in the alley, it was cold for as summer night and Uruha only had the red lace covering his slender body.  Aoi was sure he could hear the sniffer dogs barking right behind them. 

As they left the club, he took off his leather jacket and put it over the dancer's shoulders. “Please put that on.” He grabbed him by the wrist and walked as fast as Uruha could follow on his sky-high heels.  

The areas where he had parked before was almost empty, but not blocked by the police cars that gathered in front of the club's entry.  

“The blue Chevy.” He said with his voice toned down.  

The roof of his cabriolet was still down, so he just walked towards his car, jumped into it, started the engine and drove reverse out of the slot.  He hit the break and opened the passenger door for Uruha, while letting the windows and roof build back.  

As Uruha took his seat next to him, he hit the gas pedal and with squeaky wheels and he drove into the night; hopefully unseen as the cops were still busy in the club. He went back on the highway towards the coast.  

The air was warm and humid, even though it was basically dark, with a hint of sunrise on the dark horizon.  

As the club was a few kilometers behind them and Aoi was sure to not hear a police siren in the back of his head, he lit up another cigarette and opened his window again, offering Uruha the carton.  

“I’ll never get used to this adrenaline kick of escaping. Don’t worry I won’t do you any harm or capture you or anything.”  

He became anxious as they were suddenly in some sort of actual private environment, having to kill time for a few hours before things could go back to their order. He considered driving to his place, but nobody actually knew where he lived, which was better that way.  

“I know a nice hotel by the bay. How about we take a morning dip in the pool there and relax a little? Try to take the edge off?” 

It was completely against every rule Uruha had, he never got into the cars of strange men, but the situation was pretty unique and for whatever reason he felt safe with Aoi near him. So, without really thinking, he joined Aoi in escaping, essentially running from the law and Uruha knew he’d have hell to pay for disappearing.  

"A hotel?” He asked himself, it wasn’t strange that a man wanted to take him to a hotel, but the mention of a pool and the ocean made Uruha feel momentarily relieved, he didn’t have much of an option anyway.  

The drive to the hotel was mostly quiet, Uruha had fallen silent, being completely away from his normal environment and put in a situation that seemed to not have the best outcome.  

It felt wonderful to be able to smell the salty air as they neared the beach though, it had always been Uruha’s favorite place to be, and definitely not a place he thought he would end up in with a man he had met only hours prior.  

The sun had begun to rise, the streaks of yellow and gold breaking through the horizon with strokes of pink and orange. The scenery was beautiful and Uruha looked at Aoi in the sunlight, admiring that gorgeous face with sharp cheekbones and eyes that shone like onyx. He didn’t want to let his guard down, no matter what he felt, Uruha had to always be on guard. The small pocket knife tucked away against his garter belt would always be there if things went south.  

When they parked in front of the rather nice hotel, Aoi tried his best to cover Uruha’s nearly naked body, not wanting to draw too much attention to them. He got them a room just outside the hotel pool, and a nice room at that. Large and spacious, white bed sheets and white linen curtains that draped down each window.  

“You don’t have to do this,” Uruha begun, watching as Aoi started to undress, “I don’t know you, I don’t know why you’re doing this, Aoi...”  

Aoi’s name felt like silk as it came out of Uruha’s full mouth, it was hard for Aoi to contain what he felt deep inside him. 

“Huh?” Aoi was puzzled as Uruha became defensive. “I assume you're worried about the money, which is not an issue. And I may be a criminal, but what kind of person would I’ve been if I had left you in the club?? You can go to jail for possession of drugs and prostitution will get you a few years extra. Your pretty face doesn’t belong there. Even less than in a strip club. A glossy magazine would fit you more.”  

Aoi chuckled as he got rid of the last of his clothes, he stepped out on the terrace and did a plunge into the blue shimmering water. It cooled his overheated head down and calmed his pounding heart. The sunrise was in full bloom. Diving up, he shook wet streaks out of his face and made gesture towards Uruha to join him. Uruha hesitated for a moment. 

What was going on was crazy but he didn’t know what else to do, he didn’t have many options and it seemed like Aoi was a man that liked to take his time and seek adventures, Uruha’s life was too routine for that, but he needed to regain his composure.  

He just had to make the best of out the situation. Survival had always been his strong suit anyway.

Without saying one more word, Uruha stripped of every article of clothing he had on, the underwear, the garter belt, he made sure to hide the pocket knife but still have easy access to it if he needed to use it. He joined Aoi inside the pool, the water feeling absolutely delicious as it engulfed his entire body. The dancer's muscles hurt and the mixture of the sun and the cooling water helped to relax him a bit.  

“What makes you so sure that I prostitute myself?” Uruha asked suddenly, his body merely inches away from Aoi. "Just because I’m a stripper doesn’t mean I fuck for money, only the people I allow to can touch me.”  

His tone was serious and Aoi felt slightly bad for the assumption he had made, he wasn’t a heartless guy and understood to some extent how difficult life for a stripper could be, especially a male one. “I’m sorry if I offended you.” He said apologetically. 

“I didn’t expect you to give me a hand job for free though. I pay people for what they do as I expect them to pay me for what I do,” He laughed, trying to loosen the tension. “I do see you have the privilege to choose your clients and how you treat them, but the police don’t care about that.”  

Uruha suddenly being so close to him again made his heart beat in excitement. He put a hand around Uruha's neck. His wet fingers stroked over the skin that still remained dry. “I should feel honored that you allowed me to touch you.”  

He felt Uruha laying back, as the water carried his body on the surface Aoi held him by his neck and around his knees, spinning him around very slowly. 

That husky voice he was slowly getting addicted to could make Uruha do anything, it would do him no good to be so easy to sway and to lay his guard down so soon. Though he was getting to know Aoi, he still felt apprehensive about the situation. Only bad news would be waiting for them when they returned to the city, Uruha already knew that. But being in such a beautiful setting with a man as charming as Aoi helped him escape even if just for a bit.  

 “You should definitely feel honored.” Uruha retorted impishly, he couldn’t help the smile that crept on his face and Aoi admired it, seeing that smile made him feel butterflies and it astonished him that a man his age could still get giddy.  

Uruha nearly melted against Aoi as he held him, gently spinning him around the pool. The gesture was almost too intimate for two people who had been strangers to each other only a little bit ago. But for reasons unknown, Uruha felt happy as Aoi swayed his body in the water.  

“I like the snake on your tattoo, and the ivy in blue ink,” Uruha pointed out, fingers lightly tracing the tattoo on Aoi’s arm.  

“You live in shades of blue, don’t you?” 

Aoi couldn’t help the bright smile that was plastered on his face.  The further they had left behind the strip club the softer the dancer became around him. He stroked over his plump lips softly. “I still have jazz, when I feel the blues within me. Jazz, and metal. Music keeps my soul clean, even if my mind crumbles.” The slender fingers felt cold from the water as they stroked his biceps. Aoi let two fingers of his dive into Uruha's divine mouth.  

He watched him closing his eyes, meanwhile his make-up had become smudged. It made him look wilder and less intimidating.  

“Will you get into trouble when you go back?” 

Time had stopped momentarily as Uruha and Aoi continued discovering more and more about each other. Uruha felt like he was floating as they shared these moments with each other, it was all happening so fast but he secretly enjoyed it. He felt like he could be himself around Aoi, could sense his honest and loyal heart as it beat steadily in his rib cage. Uruha’s fingers had found a home there as he gently ran his hands down Aoi’s slick chest. Mapping out the flawless body he was being afforded. The fingers that were momentarily in his mouth made Uruha want more, it was erotic and delicious and he felt wanted Aoi to keep touching him.  

“I don’t know,” Uruha muttered, “I don’t really wanna know what’s good for me.” He bit down on his bottom lip almost innocently, and Aoi couldn’t take it anymore as he kissed Uruha hungrily and passionately.  

Uruha moaned softly into Aoi’s mouth, snaking his tongue in and deepening the kiss. Their intimacy was what Aoi was craving for as well. It was as if two magnets whose opposite charge were drawn to each other, they couldn’t let go of each other. 

“That's alright with me. We can’t choose anyways what's good for us. But it feels like heaven is a place on earth when I’m this close to you.” Aoi whispered as he kissed him again. 

"Mmm yeah,” Uruha let out between kisses, “Give it to me Aoi, this is heaven...what I truly want.” Aoi gently let go of Uruha as he cupped his face, dominating the situation. He pressed him against the edge of the pool, one hand firmly grabbing Uruha’s thigh and wrapping it around his hips. 

Aoi didn’t mean to drag Uruha into anything more sexual after they had left the club, but he couldn’t help himself.  Their affection had left the borders of nightlife and business far behind them.  

He couldn’t explain what drove him so crazy about this beautiful boy but he felt like he had to enjoy every moment with him until they had to part their ways again. Aoi already knew he would try anything to see him again, and even if it was for another pole show. 

The morning light had painted their whole terrace into warm apricot shades. The warm rays tickled Aoi's shoulders. Tenderly, he pressed himself close to Uruha, placing kisses behind his ear and on his neck.  

“Let's go to bed.” He whispered, brushing his lip ring over Uruha's ear.  

He lifted him up a bit until he sat on the edge of the pool. Climbing out himself, he walked Uruha back through the glass door. He slipped into one of the cozy hotel bathrobes and closed the blinds. Aoi couldn’t remember when he had had such tender moments with somebody. Maybe this was even the first time. Nevertheless, his body started feeling uneasy since the cocaine started to build down in his system.  He searched his pants for his cigarettes and some papers.  

“Do you like hydroponic weed?” 

Uruha felt like he was dreaming as he stepped back into the room with Aoi. Everything felt like a movie as he watched the beautiful man that has captivated him walk around in all his nude glory, Uruha felt slightly saddened when Aoi decided to cover himself with the robe. Thanks to many years of exotic dancing, Uruha felt comfortable in his skin, his milky flesh looked too enticing as he sat on the bed, his legs crossed in a feminine fashion. “I do,” Uruha responded, watching as Aoi got yet another small bag full of green buds and rolling paper out of his pockets. “It’s not something I do often, but I enjoy the effects.” Uruha sprawled himself on the large bed, the white coverlet feeling delicious on his bare skin. 

Once the joint was neatly rolled up, Aoi let Uruha take the first hit, smiling as the dancer inhaled the smoke and then exhaled, savoring the particular strain. “Mm delicious, it’s been a while since I had good marijuana.”  

They both took a few more hits, the room slowly becoming smokier and the cannabis began moving through their system. Aoi felt comforting chills running down his spine as Uruha just stayed naked. The way he carried himself, the way he moved spoke of his awareness of every muscle in his body.  

Aoi felt like every step that Uruha took looked sensual and seductive. The joint calmed him down, his heart stopped pounding uncomfortably, but the way it mixed with the remaining coke in his blood it made his body more sensitive again. 

“You’re just full of surprises, aren’t you?” Uruha smiled as he resumed his earlier position of straddling Aoi on the bed.  

Aoi hummed. “At least it's never boring with a dealer that's for sure.” He felt how Uruha was about to seduce him fully again and as his words stroked Aoi's eardrums, a button within him was pushed. 

He leaned down, kissing the other man fervently, moaning when Aoi’s hands traveled down his torso and cupped his naked ass. “I want you...I want you to take me hard and fast, I want you to make me yours even if just for now.” 

Those words were enough to get him hard in a heartbeat. 

Uruha giving him the feeling of wanting him, of wanting him to take dominance, woke up animalistic powers in him, Aoi didn’t know something like that had slept inside of him. He swallowed thickly, biting the soft skin around Uruhas collarbones. Grabbing him closely, letting him feel his hard cock by pressing it against his thigh, just that alone had Aoi groaning loudly. 

When Aoi caught his breath again, he pulled Uruha into another kiss, sucking his lower lip, pulling his hair ever so slightly. His right hand crawled between Uruha's legs, stroking his length and his balls before pumping him steadily. When he felt that Uruha had turned hard himself, he stood up and walked into the small bathroom, grabbing some small bottle of body lotion that had been placed in the shower. He got rid of the bathrobe again and crawled back into the bed, behind Uruha this time. 

Once more he let two of his fingers dive into Uruha's mouth, meanwhile grabbing his own cock and pumping it hard with his free hand. 

The air was thick with the heavy scent of sexual hunger and drugs and desire. 

Uruha had curved his back almost like a feline as he felt Aoi’s hands on him, two fingers in his mouth to keep him still and quiet. He didn’t remember when the last time was that he had felt this aroused, this excited. Uruha moaned loudly around Aoi’s fingers at the first sensation against his tight entrance. He started seeing little white specs as Aoi’s slick fingers pressed inside of him, it was too much but god he wanted more.  

“Fuck,” Uruha pulled away so he could talk, his neck tilting to the side so he could see Aoi working behind him, “Aoi...” his name came out as a long breath and it made Aoi all the more excited to be pleasuring Uruha. He knew the moment he slid inside that tight body he would be stepping into heaven, or hell, whichever place he deserved to be in.  

“Mmm, please fuck me,” Uruha suddenly groaned, he pushed against Aoi’s fingers, his body eager and ready for Aoi’s cock.  “God, I’m so crazy baby, I’m sorry that I’m misbehaving.” Uruha purred, back arching elegantly, enticingly.... 

Aoi had to keep himself from coming prematurely as he held Uruha’s hips in place, his cock nearly brushing against his entrance. Taking a deep breath, he started sinking inside of Uruha’s body, calloused hands grabbing soft milky flesh and surely leaving marks. Aoi grabbed the bottle of body lotion and poured some more over his cock before turning Uruha on his belly and pulling his butt upwards. Kneeling behind him, he pressed his tip against Uruha's entry again before slipping all the way in.

“Oh my God Aoi, yes!” Uruha exclaimed, he held on to the pillow in front of him, squeezing it hard as Aoi began thrusting in and out of him. Slowly at first, acquainting himself with the new sensation and then pounding Uruha into the large bed. He almost saw stars every time he moved, and he got closer to heaven every time he moaned his name. 

Grabbing Uruha's hip with one hand and his cock with the other, he pumped him simultaneously while thrusting in and out of him. Targeting Uruha's sweet spot he moved slower but kept his thrusts stronger. Aoi leaned forward while still moving his hips tantalizingly, biting into Uruha's neck as cats did when they were mating. He had stopped thinking rationally in any way. Aoi ran purely on instincts, and Uruha triggered them like crazy.  

His scent, his voice, the moves of his torso. 

Aoi felt precum on Uruha's tip as he kept brushing over his slit. Using it as lubricant he smeared it all over his shaft while starting to pump his length harder. Thrust by thrust he pushed himself closer to paradise. His body had become covered in sweat, it dripped out of his hair and on Uruha's back. 

Aoi's movements sped up, ready to reach his climax. Leaving all tenderness behind him, he just wanted to cum, and by pulling Uruha's hips harshly against himself, he let his orgasm rip through his body. "Uruha!" he groaned while he felt his orgasm paralyzing him. He kept on thrusting lazily, even after he came. Still overwhelmed, he collapsed on Uruha's back again, not pulling out. He wanted to remain being one with him. He tried catching his breath, but it was futile.  

The sensations were overwhelming and erratic all at once, Uruha saw colors as he felt Aoi coming deep inside him, yet another rule of his broken for the other man. His rules were always worth shit anyway.

"How do you want me to finish you off?” Aoi groaned into his ear, hiding his nose in his wet hair. Uruha was beginning to feel like perhaps Aoi had put a spell on him, there was no other way to explain his reckless abandon. He never wanted this to end, he loved being around Aoi, his company...it had been the happiest Uruha had felt in such a long time.  

“Mm anyway you want Tiger,” Uruha moaned, it was true, he would allow Aoi to do anything to him, finish him off anyway he pleased. Uruha turned his face to meet Aoi’s flushed cheeks, he pressed sweet kisses all over his face until he found the set of lips that had been driving him crazy all night, he kissed Aoi in a way that lovers kiss. Deep, slow and full of promises.  

“I’m yours for tonight.” 

Aoi groaned at that, partly because he was getting aroused again and also because he knew the time would come where he’d have to part ways from Angel, the man he had defied all odds with and broken every unspoken rule with, Aoi wasn’t ready to let him go. He wanted to savor every moment, and he’d find a way to keep Uruha close to him.  

Suddenly Aoi’s lips were back on Uruha’s body, he had begun trailing lazy kisses from his jaw to his neck where he adorned the pale skin with small red marks. He licked down Uruha’s chest, teeth gently biting down on his pink nipples, sucking the buds into his mouth and causing Uruha’s fingers to tangle in Aoi’s hair. Dipping his fingers into Uruha's belly button, Aoi climbed lower and lower, caressing every spot of skin he could reach with his lips. 

He would reach for the stars if Uruha asked him to.  

As Aoi's orgasm had settled in, he felt how he had lost himself for the angel in his arms. He couldn’t tell if he was just being possessive or if love at first sight wasn’t a fairytale after all, but he needed to keep Uruha for himself at all costs somehow. He didn’t need to play cool or hide anything from him; he felt natural around him, as if there was nothing that would scare him away.  

It was that feeling that made him do what he hadn’t been doing since high school; after gently massaging Uruha's erection, he kissed his tip and licked over it like a lollipop before letting his hard length dive into his mouth. Aoi briefly put both his hands around Uruha's cock, pressing his skin and stroking over his balls while he licked him, up and down inside his mouth. 

The feeling of Aoi’s head in his lap made Uruha nearly topple over the edge.  

Sensual lips gliding over the sensitive slit and a devious tongue licking up and down, letting Uruha know that Aoi was no stranger to pleasing another man. It made his toes curls, the sheer act alone had Uruha feeling too many things at once.  

“Oh, fuck Aoi,” he threaded his long nails through Aoi’s soft obsidian hair, pulling ever so slightly and urging him to keep going. “I’m so close Tiger.” That pet name made Aoi feel things that perhaps he shouldn’t, too much attachment at once, too many things flashed before him but he couldn’t dwell, right now his only focus was Uruha. 

He licked and sucked, his hand stroking the rest that he couldn’t have in his mouth, he could feel that Uruha was close as the angel shut his eyes tightly and threw his head back in ecstasy, cursing, he moaned out Aoi’s name and came hard against Aoi’s tongue. “Oh fuck...fuck...” Uruha’s chest heaved up and down, his face completely flushed and sweaty, his orgasm pulling out every last drop of energy.  

Aoi swallowed Uruha’s release, savoring his essence and immediately wrapping his arms protectively around Uruha’s torso. It was strange for him to cuddle after sex, it wasn’t customary, but it felt nice. The body pressed against Uruha felt nice, it felt even better because it was Aoi.  

“I enjoy your shades of blue, Aoi...” Uruha murmured, smiling when Aoi pressed his lips against his neck, pulling him close and nuzzling against him. Uruha never wanted this to end. 


	2. Change

Aoi stroked over Uruha's chest, he felt as if he was stuck in one of his wet dreams. The satisfaction started spreading deep within him.  

He was already looking forward to falling asleep next to him, to listen to his breathing and his beating heart. But Aoi had so many questions remaining inside him that he didn’t allow himself to close his eyes yet. 

“How did you get into stripping?” He asked directly and without hiding his curiosity. Gently he painted a question mark with his finger on Uruha's chest. He wanted to know more, he craved to know what secrets were behind those pretty hazel eyes. 

Uruha felt caught off guard, not expecting that question from Aoi. He looked over at him, the eyes staring back at him were soft and accepting, it made Uruha feel comforted. “It’s a long story,” he let out shakily,  

“I don’t think you want to hear it.”  

But Aoi shook his head and insisted, he wanted to know what lurked in the deep crevices of his Angel’s mind, what had happened to him to get him to strip for money. Aoi wasn’t a judgmental person, but there was a lot more to be uncovered from Uruha’s past that met the eye.  

 “I—I didn’t have a good childhood...” Uruha began, his breathing slightly choked. He didn’t feel scared about opening up to Aoi, a sense of security was wrapped around him when Aoi spoke to him.  

“My parents fought a lot and me and my two sisters had to go live with our grandmother. The fighting was violent and frequent and my mother was never strong enough to leave my father who happened to abuse alcohol, so she thought it best for me and my sisters to go live with our grandmother. This all happened when I was only five years old, and I had to live with painful reminders of my past as I grew up. I like to think that my life got better over time, but it didn’t. During primary school I used to get picked on a lot, the other students would make fun of my lips, my face, they’d tell me I looked like a worthless whore, I couldn’t help the way I’ve always been feminine...” Uruha choked back a few tears, Aoi’s arm wrapping around him protectively once again, “Once I graduated, I didn’t give a fuck about anything. I was happy to be away from school, from cruel people, but that had only been the beginning. I didn’t have a job and my grandma had fallen ill, my sisters tried their best to help her but I felt useless because I couldn’t help her. I tried looking for jobs but nothing ever worked out for me, and that’s when I found stripping," He paused, taking a deep breath, "I made the decision to move to Tokyo and perform at any club that would accept me, I lived in my car during that time and I felt close to giving up, that is, until I found a serious gig. I took it of course and that was the beginning of the end for me. I developed a dependence on methamphetamine, and other drugs and I just couldn’t find a way out and talking about it now makes me feel like I’ll be stuck doing this for the rest of my life. Sure, I make good money now, sure I was able to support my grandma but she fucking died anyway, and I and I...I...” Uruha burst out into tears, hysterical tears, and Aoi held him, something taking a hold of him and feeling completely possessive of the angel in his arms. 

The sudden outburst came unexpected. 

Aoi was really surprised when Uruha poured all his heart out; he had expected him to keep his cool and distanced attitude, but suddenly, a literal waterfall of emotions spilled out of him.  

Aoi rocked him in his arms, back and forth.  “I’m sorry baby,” He whispered.  “I’m so sorry that you’ve been through so much. I can imagine how you feel. My dad was a heavy drinker too. My mom died when I was three. And I’m so sorry about your grandma.” 

He wiped Uruha's tears away with his thumbs and kissed his forehead. 

“I’m so sorry Tiger,” he relaxed into Aoi’s touch, letting him caress him, “I’m so sorry you can relate to my story, growing up the way we did wasn’t fair.” He nearly broke down again as Aoi gently kissed his forehead again, something rare and almost hard for him to grasp, a gesture that the men Uruha had encountered throughout his life never did. 

It was all happening so suddenly and Uruha wasn’t sure why everything had spilled out.  

He felt like maybe it was time to let things out, perhaps. He had bottled up so many emotions and feelings and had never trusted anyone enough to let them in and share his story. But it all had changed when he met Aoi, in the short span they had known each other, Uruha had felt happier than he ever did in all the years he was alive. He felt accepted and safe with Aoi, he had to let go of the insecurities that always dragged alongside him. Sure, letting someone in wasn’t easy but Uruha hadn’t felt the way he did until he met his prince in shining armor. 

“I know it feels like a vicious cycle sometimes. But I can see you’re an independent soul. You can adapt to whatever circumstances there are, right? Like a chameleon. So, I would never force you into something, but I can offer to support you financially or however you want. If you get free from the pressure of making money you can take care of yourself better.”  

Aoi felt like being torn apart by the way he imagined how Uruha lived every day. The thought of nasty men who were probably married touching him and undressing him entirely with just looks on a daily basis made him want to throw up.  

“Life has toughened me up, life has made me dependent on myself,” Uruha let a small smile touch the corner of his mouth, “Aoi, are you serious? I could never ask you for something like that. I don’t take handouts...” Uruha felt nervous, Aoi was offering a great deal and Uruha would never feel right if he took that chance, though his mind screamed at him to do it. More so than money, Uruha yearned for affection and love...but he felt like he couldn’t divulge that information yet. 

“I see. It was just a thought. Don’t see it as a handout, I’m not a straw man or anything. I make enough money for three families every month. It sounds like I’m bragging but the amount of cash I own becomes more dangerous to me than my actual job. I’d rather spend it on things that actually matter than taking care of goddamn money laundering all the time. Also, have you considered a methadone program?”  

Many of his friends and other dealers he knew had joined it before and some of them were more successful than others. It got most of them clean for a few months at least, they usually relapsed because their lifestyle never got a turnaround.  

Aoi didn’t consider himself an addict. Even though he got high on anything almost on a daily basis, he felt like he was completely in control.  

He kept stroking over Uruha's head affectionately. He couldn’t tell if it had the same effect on Uruha but he remembered it had always helped him calm down and relax.  

“I’ve never thought about rehab, I know it’s an option but my life is too busy.” Excuses that didn’t mean anything, Uruha was lying through his teeth. He was just too scared of rehab, too scared to let his precious drugs go. 

“Why are you so nice to me Aoi? What do you see in me that you didn’t see in the other dancers?” 

Aoi leisurely rolled another blunt, clearly, he was a pro at that. He took several drags; his fumes made the room foggy.  

He reached out for the ashtray on the sideboard of the large bed and put it on the mattress. Tenderly he kept stroking over Uruha's feet, sitting down at the other end of the bed, crossing his legs. 

“I didn’t even see the other dancers actually. We entered that club last night because my mates wanted to get to know some new customers. I don’t know, I just...saw you and the urge to be close to you was so strong, it was like magnetism. I’m actually not a person who would frequent strip clubs if I'm being honest." 

Aoi tried to avoid phrasing how much he had liked Uruha from the beginning. He was afraid to scare him away if he got attached too soon. Though things were moving steadily, he still wanted to be cautious.  

“Actually, I’m a bit tired of this whole life in illegality but once you’re in it it's not so easy to get out of it, am I right?” 

He smirked, half bitter and half amused, passing Uruha the blunt. 

Uruha accepted the blunt and sucked hard, the smoke coming out of his nose and mouth almost immediately. Aoi shot him a questioning look, wondering why he was trying to suck so much smoke in. The best way to get high is slowly, Aoi always said.  

“When the people I used to know found out what I had been doing, how I had been living, they asked me why, but there’s no use in talking to people who have a home,” Uruha spoke softly, “They have no idea what it's like to seek safety in other people. For home to be wherever you lie your head.” He handed the joint to Aoi, closing his eyes and raising his arms above his head. 

“I am fucking crazy, but I am free.” 

The dancer spoke, breathing steadily, face softening. Uruha had been searching for a place to call home, for a sense of belonging, but he never could find what he truly sought out.  

Uruha didn’t have to hear it from his lips, but he knew Aoi had been through his fair share of hell. He and Aoi were cut from the same cloth, this he already knew, and Uruha felt fearless with Aoi...he felt like he was finding his sense of purpose. 

Aoi chuckled. “Yeah that's true. If people who aren’t involved in the underground figure what I do they treat me like a “lost cause” or something like that. They would never understand how you get into this, they just assume you’re lazy. “ 

Aoi pressed out the rest of the blunt in the ashtray and put it aside. 

Even though they were talking about bitter things in their lives, Aoi hadn’t felt that complete and happy in a long time. He placed his head next to Uruha's on the pillows. 

“Yeah. We’re free. “ He smiled gently at the dancers tormented face. 

For a last time before closing his eyes, he stroked over his hair and dug his fingers in Uruha's soft, blond streaks. “Let's sleep little Angel. The night was long” 

He felt how exhausting it had been to keep his eyes open. His body felt like stone. 

Moments later Aoi had fallen asleep, slightly snoring, still naked and without any blankets. He was comfortable enough around Uruha to trust him. 

Uruha sighed in contentment. He always had a hard time sleeping and didn’t fall asleep as soon as Aoi, instead he turned his face to watch him sleep. His expression was serene and it made Uruha wonder if Aoi always looked like that when he rested. In the kind of lifestyle they both shared, peace didn’t exist.  

It was stressful and chaotic, and relationships seldom worked. Uruha closed his eyes and imagined what life could be like if he had met Aoi in a different setting, if their lives had crossed paths maybe another time. He wished his life was normal, he wished he didn’t feel tied down to his profession. Uruha was free, but there were still chains attached to his heart.  

A few hours had gone by and Uruha woke up suddenly, he had dozed off without intending to. He smiled however when he realized Aoi’s arms were around him, those strong biceps holding him and making him feel safe. Uruha couldn’t imagine losing that bit of safety, he hadn't felt this trusting of someone in ages and wondered what the consequences would be if he tried to stay in Aoi’s life. There would be danger, fear...things Uruha was no stranger to.  

“Aoi...” he spoke softly, lightly nudging him, “Aoi it’s late, we, I mean I have to get going, I’m sure my boss is wondering where I am. I work today.” Uruha dreaded that, he didn’t wanna go back to the club and strip again and again, he wanted to be as far away from that place as he could. Just the thought had his stomach turning in pain. 

Aoi heard Uruha's voice from far away. Something within him felt so relieved, as he blinked and rubbed his sleep deprived eyes - and Uruha was still there. 

For some reason Aoi had prepared himself to wake up alone.  

Slowly, he stretched and his spine that cracked a little. 

Aoi sighed softly.  

“So, our precious hours come to an end after all... okay. I’m gonna drop you by the club. Let's get ready.” 

His chest hurt a little bit by the thought of having to part.  

He got up and stepped into the little bathroom to take a shower. If they wouldn’t have been under time pressure, he would’ve taken Uruha with him into the shower, but he was sure that this would have made both of them escalate to the point of not leaving the hotel room today at all. 

Washing away sweat and semen he tried to gain back his feeling of time. It could be evening, it could be afternoon, he thought. He hadn’t texted his mates either. They could be in trouble or think he’s in trouble.  

The blues grew in Aoi's heart when he washed his hair, being in denial of returning to their regular lives. He wished he could just grab Uruha and escape with him into the great sunshine. To Florida, or California, where the sun always shone and society wouldn’t matter to them.  

As soon as this thought had passed his mind he wanted to slap himself.  

Romance wasn’t real. It was a myth, to manipulate women and to make men do foolish things. 

Aoi turned off the shower, rubbed his hair dry and wrapped a towel around his hips before stepping back into their room. “I don’t really wanna go back to real life.” Aoi smirked and started digging the pile of his clothes that was still on the floor since earlier. The sound of heavy metal hit the ground, his gun had slipped out of his belt. 

Reluctantly, Uruha began getting dressed. He didn’t really have much to wear to begin with, he slipped on the ruined pieces of lingerie and then Aoi’s leather jacket, he loved the way it felt around him. The way it smelled like Aoi’s spicy cologne, he didn’t want to give the jacket back, just so he could have a little piece of Aoi to keep with him forever if time allowed him.  

“Real life is overrated.” Uruha laughed, but his laughter was interrupted when he realized Aoi’s pistol had fallen to the ground.  

It was by his feet and he didn’t hesitate on picking it up and examining it.  

“I had a gun once,” Uruha commented idly, “A 9 mm semi-automatic that I kept with me for self-defense. I used to work at a shitty low-end club at one point, the men were disgusting and disrespectful, and fights broke out nearly every night. So, I learned to defend myself.”  

He looked at the shiny pistol, wondering if Aoi had ever used it to kill anyone...the thought excited him in a way. Putting a bullet through someone that deserved it, it had always been Uruha’s dream.  

Aoi was about to ask Uruha to give him back his gun when the dancer began sensually licking the tip, full lips sliding across the muzzle. Aoi could feel his legs going weak at the display, his palms sweaty and cock coming back to life.  

“Guns in the summertime...” Uruha moaned, eyes flickering with lust. Aoi couldn’t take it anymore… 

“Fuck.” Aoi felt overwhelmed. He had pulled himself together enough to not get horny again or go for another round later on and now Uruha was doing this to him.  

Maybe it was part of a stripper's nature to always be seductive. 

Aoi cursed on the inside. “Be careful it's loaded.” He tried to not look at what Uruha's mouth was doing and fished for his gun, but the slightly taller man wouldn’t give it back to him. 

Aoi groaned. “Uruha stop that. It's not a toy!” 

He felt horribly tormented. Even if he had just claimed that his gun was no toy, what would he give for it to be one. 

Trying desperately to not get turned on too bad he just grabbed Uruha by the waist and closed the distance with a passionate kiss.  

Uruha's arms seemed to wrap themselves almost automatically around his neck, and when he started to use his tongue against Uruha's lips, he felt how his hands relaxed, and as quick as lightning he grabbed the gun and put it back into his belt, not stopping the kiss. 

In his life, being armed was a sad necessity, and he learned to not provoke people who carried or were able to handle guns. The fact that he hadn’t gotten shot himself yet was nothing but luck that had been with him so far.  

Aoi huffed. It was too late; the blood had gathered already in his crotch.  Brushing his denim covered erection over Uruha's leg he hissed into his ear. 

“Now since this is your fault, it's also your responsibility to take care of the mess.” 

Uruha knew he had gotten what he wanted as he smirked against Aoi’s mouth. It was almost too easy.  

He had always gotten turned on by weapons, he remembered vividly how his ex-lovers had enjoyed this as well. Uruha would ask them to press a knife against his throat as they’d fuck him, trace the knife down his sternum and on occasion he’d want them to press down. Uruha loved the pain, he loved intermingling sex with pain...sex had been the only thing in his life where he had full control.  

Without hesitation, Uruha got on his knees in front of Aoi. Deft fingers unzipping him and grabbing his erection. “You can’t seem to keep your hands off me, or your pants on.” Uruha laughed, tip of his tongue running down Aoi’s length. It felt too damn good, and Aoi’s hands grabbed handfuls of golden hair, pulling hard and forcing Uruha’s mouth to take more of his hard cock.  

 Aoi threw his head back, trying to keep balance as the heat spread in him faster than poison. 

“Do you see what you’ve done to me?” He groaned. 

The last time he had gotten this horny so many times in less than 24 hours, was in his puberty. 

Uruha’s mouth was too skilled, too perfect...Aoi could see galaxies as he shut his eyes and let Angel do all the work. He hadn’t been lying when he said he had horns as well, the devil liked to make appearances from time to time and Aoi was beginning to get addicted.  

Uruha swallowed hard around Aoi’s flesh, free hand stroking himself, getting turned on by the whole act.  

“Mm what do you say Tiger, you wanna go for round two?” 

“Anything Angel...”  _Anything to not let you go so soon..._

Aoi let Angel drag him back to bed, slowly. He sat down on the edge and pulled the dancer on his lap. 

“Ride me.”  

He growled darkly, squeezing Uruha's ass hard.  His body was longing for a caffeine kick, a cigarette or a line, his patience was on short reins. However, he loved how Uruha sucked him but he needed a harder way to really get off now. Hastily, he pulled Uruha's G-string aside, getting free access to what would bring him relief. 

Uruha groaned with longing, his body moving against Aoi’s and causing him to lose his sanity as each moment passed by. He reached for the bottle of body lotion on the night stand and the forgotten pack of cigarettes. He handed the lotion to Aoi as he lit the cigarette and stuck it between plush lips. “I love feeling you inside me,” Uruha moaned, looking like the image of sin as he took long drags of the cigarette. Aoi could feel his blood boiling with lust as he pressed two fingers inside Uruha’s entrance, he was beyond ready for that tight heat to engulf him.  

Uruha moaned loudly as Aoi pumped his fingers in, he bent down and blew the smoke into Aoi’s mouth, groaning as he shifted against him.  

“You’re so good to me Tiger.” Uruha’s arched his back at the feeling of Aoi’s cock seeking entrance, his legs spreading wider around Aoi’s torso and pelvis. Both men nearly lost their minds as their own slices of heaven overwhelmed their senses. Uruha situated himself, sliding all the way down Aoi’s thick cock. He placed the cigarette between Aoi’s lips as his hands spread his ass, his walls full.  

Aoi moved his hips instantly as his full length was within Uruha. The way Uruha just started smoking within their act really had him going. He felt Uruha's hard length brushing over his belly. Grabbing it with his left hand while holding Uruha's torso with his right he granted him power over their position. 

“Sooo good...” Uruha breathed heavily, his neck tilted much in the same way it did when he had been on Aoi’s lap the night before. Aoi reached up, fingers tracing down Uruha’s lips and moaning when he sucked on them.  

The dancer got the cigarette from Aoi, smoking was always best when done after sex but smoking during was proving to be better.  

“Don’t let me go.” Uruha whispered, almost too low for Aoi to hear, but he had caught them regardless.

Aoi moved his hips instantly as his full length was within Uruha. The way Uruha just started groaning his name each time his tip hit the walls of Uruha's insides only made Aoi more eager. A few drags of the cigarette helped him to keep control for a few seconds, but Uruha's whispered words let him lose his grip again. Aoi bent his hips upwards, pressing Uruha down on him. 

“I’m close Uruha...” He started moving again, wetting his fingers with the lotion before rubbing Uruha's erection.  

“You’re...so fucking...tight.” Aoi moaned. 

He felt how the dancer grew harder in his hands - which made him grow harder within him too, before he could react, he felt his orgasm bursting out with rapid speed. Aoi screamed bloody murder, pressing Uruha down on him again. 

Uruha shut his eyes tightly at the feeling of Aoi’s release inside of him. He never allowed anyone do that, especially not twice in less than a few hours, but the more time he spent with Aoi, the more his rules started dissolving.  

Uruha was beyond infatuated with Aoi, had never felt what it was like to feel so attracted to someone, both physically and mentally.  

"Aoi...A-Ah!” Uruha crashed his lips against Aoi’s as he came hard. His seed spilling out between them and over Aoi’s hand. “Oh my god...” his breathing started slowing down once more, soft kisses peppering Aoi’s sweaty neck and slowly making their way to his lips once more. Uruha could see him becoming obsessed with Aoi’s kisses, if he wasn’t already... 

“I don’t wanna move.” Uruha murmured, Aoi chuckled as he traced random patterns on his back. They both weren’t making any moves to leave the comfort of the hotel, they had lives waiting for them out in the world. But Aoi and Uruha wanted to stay locked away in their own private paradise.  

Aoi tried to calm his breathing. He didn’t want to move either. If he had his way, he would probably die right now. In peace and joy. 

The sun and the ocean beckoned them, and really there was nothing keeping them from doing what they wanted to do. Uruha couldn’t have cared less about his job, he only wanted Aoi’s arms around him. Keeping him safe. 

Aoi's hand felt sticky from Uruha's cum but he didn’t even care to wipe it off on the bed sheets or somewhere. They stayed silent for a while. Aoi listened to Uruha's breath, smelled the smoke and the traces of sex that remained in the air. 

After some moments he carefully pulled out. 

“Can you even dance on the pole after I’ve taken you like this? Twice?” He chuckled. “Is it even possible to call in sick at a strip club?” 

Aoi wished it was possible to call in sick at his job too, but it was an all or nothing kind of job. 

“I wish we could just stay here. Or go to some place where our lives don’t matter. Maybe a lonely island...It's gonna be evening soon...we should get going. I have to be somewhere tonight too.” 

Aoi had to force himself to be strong now. He had to remind himself that romance was an illusion and falling in love with a stripper after a few orgasms was not an option. 

Even though their times were so sensual, he learned to not trust anyone who was worked in the nightlife. Uruha had opened up to him, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t cold blooded enough to fuck other guys the way he fucked Aoi just now. He couldn’t help his face from turning into an uneasy expression as this thought passed his mind.  

Dating was not an option. He told himself over and over, being in denial that he had dreamed of dating-like situations with Uruha long just before.  

Slowly he turned him around, pulling up his pants and slipping over his shirt.  

Biting his lip, he put his shoes back on, and after they had collected all their remaining things in the room, Aoi opened a door and reached out his hand for Uruha's. Silently they walked down the corridor, Aoi paid their room and they took a seat in his car. Every step shortened their time. Strings pulled Aoi's heart together, tighter by every minute. 

Each moment that pulled Uruha away from Aoi felt like his heart was being ripped apart. He hated his reality, he wished that he could stay with Aoi forever, he wanted to take his hand and walk away from his life. Nothing mattered to him, he just wanted happiness and Aoi was his ticket to that. But after just one heated encounter Uruha wondered how many of those feelings were true. He had spent too much time hating every moment of his life that in those hours he spent with Aoi loving every second, almost everything felt false. But Uruha wanted to follow his intuition; wanted to believe that Aoi could be his savior. But things perhaps were moving too fast and the other man lived a demanding life, there was no room for Uruha in Aoi’s life.  

“Would you mind taking me home?” Uruha asked lowly, he needed a shower and time to think about everything. He couldn’t fathom going to the club and letting all those men touch him, the thought of other men wanting his body made Uruha sick. He only wanted Aoi, only his touch.  

After the dancer had given Aoi his address, Uruha pondered the idea of perhaps letting Aoi come inside, offer him some tea or something to eat, but Uruha felt silly for even thinking that. _“You’re only a stripper to him, a good time._ ” The little voice in this head mocked him. The realization only hurt worse. 

They drove over the highway, passing by white beaches. Entering the city, driving through more and more large buildings. He stopped in front of a big, modern skyscraper.  

“We’re here.” He said without any tone in his voice. On the one hand - he knew where Uruha lived now - he could see him any time he wanted. On the other hand, the dancer surely enjoyed his bits of privacy when no horny men were thirstily surrounding him. 

He watched Uruha opening the passengers' door. 

“Uruha?” As the blond man gave him a questioning look Aoi regretted to have asked him. He pressed a little goodbye-kiss on the corner of his lips.  

“Never mind. See you.”  

The shy smile Uruha gave him before leaving the car felt like a knife being stabbed into his heart.  

Actually, Aoi wanted to ask him for the big favor of not taking any more men into his private chamber until Aoi came back for him; but he didn’t have the guts. If Uruha had agreed, Aoi would’ve gotten paranoid by the thought of him simply lying. He hated himself for not having the guts to ask him, he also hated himself for even wanting to ask.  

Fuck. What did these not even 24 hours with this angel had done to him? 

Probably they had pushed him straight to hell. 

Aoi was sure that was the smallest price of being a mortal that tried to get a piece of heaven. 

He turned his Chevy around and drove back into the direction of Tokyo's harbor. 

His leather jacket was probably gone forever now.  

Aoi had really liked that one, but he was okay with Uruha having it; _you should always leave something back where you were happy,_ Aoi thought. Sighing he parked his car near the cargo exchange. A ship from Colombia that mostly had coffee loaded also brought his latest delivery.  

After spending some time in the car, he left it when dusk was approaching. He recognized the Yakuza he usually bought his blocks from. They greeted each other like old friends, avoiding the shine of the lanterns around them. 

The man handed him two quite heavy books. 

Aoi was sure they contained at least half a kilogram each in their carved-out insides. Aoi inconspicuously handed him a bundle of cash.  The Yakuza quickly counted the 100.000¥ notes and nodded. 

“The next one is gonna cost you more, they got trouble with their labs over there.”  

Aoi just shrugged and greeted him again as they parted. Rising prices meant uncomfortable discussions with customers, who usually weren’t ready to pay more for the same amount.  

He put the books into his cars glove department and just hoped he wouldn’t run into the cops tonight. 


	3. He hit me and it felt like a kiss

Uruha made it up to his apartment. Clutching the leather jacket tighter around him and not wanting to take it off, it smelled too much like Aoi and he felt safe with it on. He opened the door and stepped inside his lonely place, it was always sad coming home to an empty apartment but now Uruha felt emptier inside. With a sad smile he went to his bedroom, the scent attached to the jacket was so strong as it followed it, it almost felt like Aoi was holding him in his big arms. 

The last thing Uruha wanted to do was paint a fake smile on his face and pretend like everything around him was fine. He had lost all sense of direction in his life, and he wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or a curse. The time spent with Aoi had been dreamlike and Uruha refused to step back to reality.

When he was done making himself look like a stranger, Uruha gazed into the broken mirror in the bathroom. The kohl around his eyes looked like smoke and the cherry colored lips mocked him. The nightlife wasn't made for him, but yet it suited him. Hiding in the shadows had become his only means of protection and the less people knew of him had always been better. Uruha was losing parts of himself, and perhaps what had been missing was someone to find the broken pieces and help put them back together. Wishful thinking. 

The night grew dark and windy, a storm imminent in the horizon. Uruha finished smoking a cigarette and smashed it into the ground, he tightened the trench coat around his waist and headed out. The strip club was walking distance from where Uruha lived, his boss had always liked the dancers to live close by, less chance of losing track of them, is how he would justify it. The sky was grey and bleak and it mirrored Uruha’s never ending thoughts. If stripping had been difficult to him before, it was going to be nearly impossible now and he imagined all the possibilities of him leaving that world once and for all.

He stepped inside the club, it had already started to fill up with its regular customers. No amount of rain and thunder could keep them away. Uruha wished the club would get struck by lightning and that it would go up in flames, that had always been his secret wish. Some type of irreparable damage.

"Angel!” One of the other dancers called out the moment she realized he was there, “You’re going be late, hurry up! I’m exhausted. You’re my replacement for tonight, I can’t wait to get out of here.” Uruha rolled his eyes, not giving a fuck about this particular girl, she wasn’t a concern to him. The longer he took to get on stage, the better. 

Uruha walked past her, and into the dressing rooms. The girls and boys that were up next were there touching up their hair and makeup, counting their profits from the night. Uruha reluctantly hung his coat up, looking at himself in the mirror and fixing his hair. Tonight, his lingerie was black, devoid of any color and emotion, just like the thoughts that lingered through Uruha's mind.

***

Aoi drove home. The storm started building up and soon pouring rain hit his windshield. He turned into the parking spot of his place, took out the books and entered his apartment quickly. Weighing up single grams that he scratched off the blocks on a little old-fashioned copper scale. He couldn’t seem to get his mind off Uruha as he went through his daily ritual. His face was like a melody, it just wouldn’t leave his head. How would he see him again? When would he see him again? Would it be too soon to go now?

 He wished he could just finish his round and drop by the strip club tonight, just to see him. Just to keep an eye on him, out of the shadows where the dancer wouldn’t notice he was there. Just thinking of how Uruha would swing his legs around the pole had Aoi feeling hot and cold at the same time.

After he had prepared some bags, he changed his clothes and called his mates to decide who would visit whom of their regular clients. Majority of them were pitiful junkies who consumed enough for Aoi and his mates to only visit them a few times a week. His friends had all been able to escape the police, they all went back to business as usual, just like Aoi. 

Aoi decided to take his motorcycle to visit the first guy, he was located downtown. He wasn't in the mood to deal with his usual costumers, let alone visit them. Aoi briefly talked to him, grabbed the money and left his place as fast as he could again. Pretending to be friends or even friendly to his clients was harder than ever.

Aoi had managed to stay sober since the previous night, his nerves were on edge, and Uruha danced through his thoughts, over and over. It went just like this until the later hours of the night, when he finished his last deal for the day not far from Yokohama. If he was already so close, he could just check. Maybe Uruha's shift would be finished around this time, and maybe Aoi could run into him. Very coincidently, of course.

***

The music Uruha had chosen for his shows had been melancholy.

Heavy and sensual ballads that fit his mood, Uruha couldn’t imagine being his usual self on stage. The club was smoky and everyone crowded around regardless of how late it had gotten, wallets still ready to throw money at their favorite dancer. Uruha stepped on stage, knowing the dance by heart, one long leg in front of the other covered in fishnets with chunky platform boots to complement. He moved around soulfully, with a sulking face, everyone around just watched him eagerly. Uruha wrapped his hands around the metal pole, twirling ever so slightly and moving his hips to the down tempo song. 

 Everything around him felt so clouded, he closed his eyes and imagined being somewhere else. Sun, salty water and white sand between his toes, with Aoi’s arms around his waist. Uruha threw his head back elegantly, golden hair shining as the stage lights hit it. He traced his hands down his chest, remembering how it felt when Aoi touched him, the memory alone could have been able to make Uruha orgasm. It had been exhilarating and he craved that touch more than ever now. 

 Aoi couldn’t help himself much longer as he entered the club.  “Just for one drink maybe.” He lied to himself. He took a seat directly at the bar, ordered whiskey on the rocks and lit a cigarette, hoping the shadows kept him hidden.

Uruha, now Angel, danced as sensually as ever, Aoi's insides were sparkling. He felt how Uruha looked straight towards him, but he wasn’t sure if he was able to tell that it was him.  Aoi could have watched him forever. The music was soothing and the alcohol made him slowly slip into intoxication.

Uruha slid down the pole, his eyes opening for a moment and wondering off into the crowd. He could have sworn that his mind was playing tricks on him when he recognized the familiar face staring back at him. A lit cigarette between two perfect lips, sunglasses on a god like face, and yet Uruha recognized who it was. In that moment it felt like Uruha and Aoi were the only two people in the club, his amber eyes looking towards him and him only. No one mattered around him, only the mysterious man hiding in the shadows.

Aoi ignored how two female dancers took seats next to him. Still in his own world as he ordered another drink. One of the girls, her hair a light orange color with long ruby red nails touched his shoulder, reluctantly grabbing his attention. “We heard you’re the right man when you’re looking for something?” 

“Who told you that?” Aoi raised an eyebrow under his shades.

“Our boss. You sold him something yesterday.” The other girl responded.

“I see. We can talk about something after this drink.” Aoi didn’t like it when people didn’t introduce him to new customers themselves, but he didn’t reject them; it was good that he could get a decent amount business at the club he had started frequenting. 

It was not lost on Uruha how the two other dancers had been talking to Aoi, throwing their hair over bare shoulders as they whispered things into his ear. He tried to act like it didn’t bother him, but it did. And he felt silly for even letting it bother him, why did Uruha care about what Aoi did? They had no strings attached to one another, their hookup had been a one-time thing, yet none of that mattered. Uruha felt his blood boiling but contained himself as he kept dancing. The crowd had been great to him, and his usual high paying customers were there, doing what they did best, shoving money down his garters.  Uruha smiled bitterly for every man that had paid up, he knew at the end of the day he only cared about the money, that was it. 

After he had emptied his glass, he followed the two strippers to the lady's restrooms. They all conspicuously entered a stall and Aoi sold them one gram each after taking a line with them. The orange haired girl ran her fingers through his hair and placed a big kiss on his cheek. Her lipstick left a thick mark on his skin. He just laughed and didn’t really take them seriously. When they left the toilets and went back to the stage room, Aoi saw how Uruha was on all fours, smiling cheekily at his clients. He tried to suppress the anger and jealousy than ran down his spine. He wiped the lipstick off his face and walked towards the stage.

One of Uruha’s best and most loyal customer had approached him, smug smile on his face as usual. He was a middle-aged business man, not too bad looking, and he’d always put his wedding band away the moment he stepped through the club. “Beautiful routines tonight Angel, as always.” He complimented Uruha who was now on all fours, his face close to the man’s. Uruha only smiled in turn and the man placed a large sum of money in his fishnets, and before he pulled away, he grabbed Uruha’s thigh forcefully, something that was completely off limits. Uruha was about to say something when Aoi appeared out of nowhere and shoved the man away.

He didn’t even think as his emotions took over and he pushed him away, "You always harass the dancers here?” Aoi barked at him.

“Aoi!” Uruha exclaimed in shock as everything unfolded right before him, “Aoi, stop!” He watched in horror as Aoi grabbed the man by his collar, rage in his eyes. 

“What the fuck is your problem?” The man yelled, trying to push Aoi away from him. “Get your fucking hands off me!” Aoi pushed him once more, ready to punch him square in the jaw. But Uruha got off the stage and held on to Aoi, trying to pull him away. 

“Stop it!” He could still see the way Aoi’s eyes flashed with anger, jealousy...the way he had defended Uruha had been out of sheer jealousy, it seethed out of Aoi. “You need to leave, come on, he’ll call the cops on you, please just go..Aoi.”

Aoi was out of his mind. He was ready to beat the shit out of this asshole, the way he had touched Uruha and the way he just looked at him, his vision had turned blood red and nothing could stop him.

He heard Uruha yelling at him, telling him to just leave, but the next thing he knew he was being grabbed by a taller man, the security guard, the guard didn't even speak to him as he kicked him out of the club. Everyone around them had stopped to watch the altercation, it was embarrassing, but Aoi had acted impulsively and the blood in his veins was still pumping angrily.

Aoi couldn't wrap his head around what had happened, what had taken over? What were these foreign emotions that took hold of him? He wouldn't have cared if it was anyone else, but since it was Uruha, his actions hadn't been in vain. Growling in anger still, he got himself together, wiping the imaginary dust off him and walking a bit until he felt calmer.

Of course, something like that was prone to happening, Aoi should have known better. Only thinking of other men touching Uruha could drive him insane and just now he had to witness a fucking creep touching him without his consent. Having too little sleep, no food and an uneasy feeling overall had been to blame for Aoi's behavior. Not to mention the alcohol and cocaine.

The inevitable feeling of shame crawled up inside him. Frustrated, he entered the bar down the street and ordered another whiskey on the rocks. And then another one. and another one. After a large amount of drinks that had made him stop counting and numbed out his feelings entirely, he left the bar, hardly able to walk straight. Aoi was unable to remember how he got into his area - he needed to find his way back to the strip club, where his bike was still parked.

After walking around perplexed for a while, it started to rain again. Aoi was soaked within moments as it down poured. He finally reached a place that looked more familiar when a group of four guys approached him. Aoi couldn’t see their faces, but he heard one of the men say, a familiar voice, “Hey, that's the douchebag that couldn’t keep his nasty hands off me in the club!”

Aoi knew he things had taken a turn for the worst when they came closer. He was too drunk to think rationally and nothing could make him run away now. Despite his drunken state, he wasn't a coward.

"Not so tough now, huh?” The man hissed at him. Aoi just turned his head to him but the next thing he felt was how a fist came colliding with his face painfully. Aoi fell down, his knees hitting the asphalt harshly. 

“Cowards! Four against one! I bet you feel like real men now!” Probably not the best choice in words.

Another man grabbed his shirt and punched his face, Aoi immediately felt the painful blow and the blood trickling down his face. Everything around him turned fuzzy and the pain was unbearable. He tried defending himself, but his drunk fists never hit their target or were simply too weak against the four guys holding him down.

He felt how someone grabbed his hair and smashed his head brutally on the sidewalk. Aoi immediately lost consciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bit shorter, but no worries, the next one will be longer. Hope you enjoy the cliffhanger haha >:)


	4. You're burning up, I'm cooling down

Uruha was at a loss for words.  

The entire club had been staring in shock at the scene that had unfolded. Curious glances were thrown their way, and when Aoi got kicked out so roughly, Uruha couldn’t take it anymore. He couldn’t go on with his night not knowing what happened to Aoi, he needed clarification. Without hesitation, he ran backstage and changed, yanking off the skimpy outfit and hastily throwing on a pair of pants and a shirt that he had in his bag. Uruha felt lost and confused, not understanding why Aoi reacted the way he did.  

The man Aoi had almost punched was his best client and there was a good chance he’d stop coming to the club. But Uruha couldn’t bring himself to care, everything had happened so fast and in a blur. And seeing Aoi yanked away from him, was painful. He had too many conflicting emotions. But something nagged at him to find Aoi no matter what.  

“Where are you going Angel?” Uruha heard his boss call out, angrily slamming the door of the dressing room, “Your shift isn’t over yet, you can’t fucking leave!”  

Uruha couldn’t bring himself to give a fuck, he was shaken by everything that had happened, he needed to make sure that Aoi was okay, as foolish as he felt for feeling like that, he just needed to be sure that everything was okay.  

“I have important things to take care of Hiro,” Uruha yelled, pushing past his fuming boss. “I need to go.” He didn’t have time to yank Uruha back, he started yelling something incomprehensible as he watched Uruha push through the crowds of the club and leave. 

Once outside Uruha tried looking for Aoi, wondering helplessly of his whereabouts. The block was a popular one for nightlife, with its many bars and clubs, Aoi had to be in one of those, drowning his sorrows in the bottom of a bottle, perhaps. Uruha checked the bar next door, it was crowded and the chance of finding Aoi there was high. He felt like an idiot looking for this man, he didn’t owe him anything...but actually, he did. Uruha’s ass had been saved by Aoi the night prior and now it seemed like it was Uruha’s turn to save Aoi’s ass.  He kept looking, but nothing. Hopping from bar after bar, nothing either. Uruha was beginning to lose hope, when he walked past a seemingly vacant alley.  

“Aoi?!” Uruha called out, he walked into the alley, his eyes widening in shock when he saw Aoi unconscious on the ground. His face badly beaten and covered in blood. Uruha freaked out, his heart racing as he grabbed Aoi’s wrist and checked for a pulse. “Oh god you’re alive, Aoi, Aoi please wake up! Come on, Aoi!” Uruha tried to sit him up, shaking him slightly to wake him up. Uruha didn’t know what else to do as he reached in his pocket and grabbed his phone, dialing the emergency number with shaky hands.  

“Yes, this is an emergency, I need an ambulance.” 

*** 

Aoi opened his eyes. When his consciousness returned, the first thing he felt was a piercing pain in his head. A bright light shone into his swollen eyes, someone was wiping something away on his face with a wet cloth. Every time those hands came closer to his face, he shut his eyes, expecting to feel more pain. 

“Oh, he woke up!” The paramedic who had leaned over him reported. Aoi realized that he was in a car. He was in an ambulance, specifically. 

“How many fingers?” The paramedic held three fingers up in front of Aoi’s face. 

“Ehh, three...?” Aoi murmured. He felt horrible, his head throbbing and his body nearly immobile. He was not in the mood to answer dumb questions. 

The car stopped suddenly. He was brought into the emergency room where two nurses took care of his wounds and cleaned out the laceration on the back of his head. Aoi felt numb at that point, his body drained of any energy. 

Uruha had watched as they put Aoi into the stretcher and then the ambulance. They had asked him if he wanted to come along, assuming he was a loved one, but he declined.  

Uruha had had enough excitement for one night and desperately craved to go home. It was late now, nearly 4am and he just needed his bed. Everything that had been going on was insane, and Uruha doubted his role in the situation. He didn’t know who had attacked Aoi, but he had a hunch.  

The thought that he was to blame for Aoi’s accident made Uruha feel terrible, his heart ached for someone that had been in the wrong place, during the wrong time.  

Uruha took a cab home, it was a short ride but he couldn’t bring himself to walk even if his home was so close. He stripped naked the moment he stepped foot in his apartment, this time stripping out of his own free will. Uruha face planted on his bed and tried his hardest to sleep. He tried to forget the night, though that proved to be impossible. Uruha wouldn’t be able to forget anything of what had happened. Aoi was too vivid in his mind, the trouble he got into just for the sake of protecting Uruha, as if he couldn’t take care of himself. It was all too confusing, and Uruha’s head nearly exploded from just trying to think about it.  

Aoi had gone through a couple of tests at the hospital, he was lucky. No broken bones, just a mild concussion and plenty of nasty wounds. But that was better than him having permanent brain damage. 

He was released later during the day, when he had been able to sleep off the night. His entire face was hurting, but the feelings of guilt and shame hurt more. He needed to apologize to Uruha. Immediately.  

Aoi had no idea where he was or how he could get back to home. His bike was still waiting for him at the strip club. He decided to take a cab to his apartment. When he was about to pay the driver, he noticed that all his money was gone. 

It was no surprise that those thugs had taken all his cash. He begged the driver to wait for him to go to his place and get the money to pay him. The driver reluctantly nodded, and Aoi nearly tripped as he ran up the stairs to his apartment, coming back within moments to pay the driver. 

Aoi felt like collapsing when he finally closed the door behind him. He hadn’t eaten anything since the previous day. His fridge was nearly empty except for a few cans of beer. Good thing he had the tendency to hoard instant noodles. He nearly burnt himself twice by preparing the quick meal and hungrily stuffed himself with his noodles. 

Exhausted and in pain, he threw himself on his bed, which consisted of a mattress on the floor, and searched the pants he had worn a few days ago. Between a few 10.000¥ bills, he found a piece of paper with a note that looked smeared and written quickly. His eyes widened in surprised as he read the Hiragana for Uruha’s name. 

Aoi looked around nervously, wondering if he should call him. He needed to apologize to Uruha, there was no way he was getting out of that. But calling him? Aoi thought it over and over. The anxiety and shame chewed repeatedly at his heart. 

After Uruha had seen how Aoi’s anger spiraled out of control, he was sure he wouldn’t be interested in talking to him again. But Aoi needed to get the pain off his chest. 

Aoi stared at his ceiling, overthinking, emotions cooking up in his heart, stronger and stronger as each moment dragged by. 

Two hours after discovering Uruha’s number he finally brought up the courage to call him. It was already the afternoon, Aoi hoped Uruha was awake already.  He nervously dialed the number and after a few rings. heard Uruha’s soft voice on the other end. 

Uruha suddenly woke up, his phone was ringing loudly beside his head and just to shut it up, he picked it up. “Hello?” He groaned into the phone, not expecting to hear Aoi’s voice on the other end. Uruha shot up out of bed, remembering how he had stuffed his number in Aoi’s pants during their rendezvous, he didn’t think Aoi had bothered to keep it. But here he was, on the other side of the phone. 

“Can I see you?” His voice sounded shaky and slightly high pitched. Aoi didn’t know himself anymore. Since when did a few bad incidents erase his confidence? 

Uruha chewed on his bottom lip nervously at Aoi’s question, he wasn’t sure about it but agreed nevertheless. “Yes, do you still remember where I live?” Uruha half smiled when Aoi told him that he did.  

He ended the call and decided it was time for him to get ready for the day, no matter how late it was. It was Uruha’s day off and he usually spent it in bed sleeping but absolutely everything in his life had started changing, and he still felt indifferent about the change. Uruha tossed on some jeans and a blue v-neck shirt, the color blue reminded him so much of Aoi. He picked the garment up without thinking at first, it had been like his mind knew he would go for the color blue.  

Uruha couldn’t do anything about Aoi’s strange weather, he couldn’t fix him or make him better. Just like he seemingly couldn’t be there for himself. Uruha had felt invincible during the time he spent with Aoi, he had been so caught up having fun that he had managed to neglect the fact that his life was falling apart. Aoi was only a distraction, Uruha thought. He was sure Aoi felt the same way. His heart begged him to think differently but Uruha had trusted his heart in the past and only ever got hurt. He wasn’t going to do that to himself again.  

Aoi decided to take the train to Uruha’s place, so he could walk to the club and take his bike home after. Before he left his apartment, he scratched some coke with his keys from the block and snorted a small amount with each nostril.  Seconds later it kicked in and Aoi finally felt brave enough to face what was ahead him. 

After an hour passed, the doorbell rang and Uruha looked at the door for a long moment. He sighed and opened the door, finding Aoi on the other end. Face bruised and scuffed up, with bandages and sutures on his open wounds. Uruha’s heart instantly broke to see Aoi like this, he could feel it beating incessantly against his chest, it was too painful. “Aoi...” Uruha could feel himself wanting to embrace the other man, pull him in for a long hug and kiss and tend to his wounds himself, reassure him that everything would be fine. 

But Uruha couldn’t promise that. He couldn’t promise him a lot of things, and that nearly made tears run down his face. Uruha had too many things ravaging his insides but his eyes could only see the broken man before him. Without thinking, Uruha wrapped his arms around Aoi’s body, holding him against him. 

Relief was running through Aoi as Uruha’s arms pulled him close. His bruises were aching painfully as Uruha embraced him tightly, but he couldn’t imagine anyone else touching him, he only wanted Uruha’s arms around him. Aoi noticed that he was seeing Uruha in normal clothes for the first time.  

He wasn’t wearing make-up either. His whole appearance suddenly resembled something very innocent, and Aoi’s heart melted the longer he looked at him. Nervously, he twisted a strand of Uruha’s silky blonde hair between his fingers. They held each other’s gazes for a long moment, before they snapped out of it. 

Aoi pulled away, trying to think of what to say, but the words left his mouth just as water breaks a dam. “I-I wanted to apologize. For everything that happened yesterday. I shouldn’t have come to the club in the first place. I met a customer nearby..and I thought I’d just check on your performance for a few minutes. Well, my foolishness is written all over my face now, isn’t it?” He laughed nervously. “I thought that guy was crossing a line. I’m so sorry.” 

Uruha smiled sheepishly at Aoi’s explanation, this was the most nervous he had ever seen Aoi, it was almost endearing. “I thought about what had happened last night a lot, and no one has ever done something like that for me. Defend me. I should be thanking you...Thank you, Aoi.”  

 _“I would save you from anything, I want to protect you from this world.”_ Aoi thought to himself, but he shook his head. “Anytime.” He murmured, smiling softly. 

Though Aoi’s outburst probably costed Uruha his best customer, he just felt relieved that Aoi was okay. “Would you like some coffee?” Uruha asked Aoi as he welcome him inside. Aoi was surprised that Uruha invited him in. He slipped out of his shoes and hung his jacket up on a clothing hanger near Uruha’s front door. He agreed to some coffee, black with nothing else and Uruha had to laugh at that, that was how we liked his coffee as well. 

It almost felt domestic how Uruha was in the kitchen making coffee for the both of them, meanwhile Aoi was sitting on the couch a few feet away, eyes taking in his surroundings. It was the most action the couch had ever gotten, Uruha never accepted company. He had no friends and no family close by, he had accepted his solitude ages ago. But the more time he spent with the raven-haired man, the more he could see himself with company. 

Aoi often visited people at their home, his customers, the guys who dealt in the same areas as he did, anyone involved in the business. Uruha’s apartment was neat and cozy and Aoi felt comfortable. It felt safe. 

Uruha went back to the living room with both mugs, he handed Aoi his and then he took the seat beside Aoi. Uruha blew the steam off his coffee, sipping it slowly as he sat in silence with Aoi. It was a bit awkward, but Uruha didn’t know what else to say. There were so many things bubbling up inside of him and he needed something to distract him.  

That’s when he noticed Aoi eyeing his electric Gibson guitar.  

“I’ve had her since I was a teenager,” Uruha commented, “Her name is Lizzy. I saved up for a guitar when I was younger, and now I play it when I can, it’s my passion. But being a musician just wasn’t in the cards for me.” That sad smile was back, and Aoi noticed, his fingers brushing up against Uruha’s hand. 

Aoi’s eyes lit up at that, mainly because he related to Uruha’s story about not being able to pursue being a musician. He wouldn’t have ever expected him to also be passionate about the guitar, it revived so many old memories from Aoi’s childhood. 

"I play too,” He smiled, “Acoustic mostly, but I’ve gotten better at the electric. I’ve always wanted to be in a band, but it wasn't in the cards for me either. My boss wouldn’t have it, but perhaps one day."  

Uruha’s eyes widened at Aoi’s confession of playing the guitar as well. He had always wanted to learn how to play the acoustic too, but something about the electric resonated with his heart.  

He hummed in appreciation. "Can you play something now?" he looked at Uruha the way a dog would look at his owner when he saw him picking up his favorite ball. “Only if you want to, of course.” Aoi looked down on his feet sheepishly, his hand still very close next to Uruha’s on the couch.  

The small amount of coke he had done before had lost most of its potency, at least it still kept his face from aching too much. Aoi felt like he sounded silly at everything he did or said. But it had been so long since he felt anything remotely close to what he felt for Uruha. 

“I used to write my own songs,” Uruha admitted, smiling when Aoi’s face lit up at that, he went to pick up Lizzy and held her on his lap. Uruha seldom touched his guitar, but this seemed like a good time since Aoi had asked, “This song I named _‘Cruel World’_ , I was 16 when I wrote it.” He grabbed the pick he kept against the strings between his pointer finger and thumb and moved against the strings, other hand clutching the neck as he played the beginning of the song for Aoi.  

Uruha felt like he was rusty but continued anyway, his lips forming a pout as the song progressed. He wanted to kick himself for ever abandoning the guitar, it inspired his soul when he played. Aoi watched Uruha in awe, his ears memorizing the melodies he heard, completely in love with the way Uruha became one with his guitar. He could also see the dancer was blushing, and Aoi could feel his cheeks heating up too.  

“I—I hope you liked it.” Uruha’s shy smile was back and Aoi was completely speechless, Uruha’s skills were pristine. He leaned over the guitar and pressed his lips softly on Uruha’s, smiling against the kiss and feeling his hand on his thigh.  

“I share my body and my mind with you...” Uruha whispered against his lips. Aoi couldn’t resist to kiss him again. The pain he felt against his mouth lessening as he kissed Uruha. 

“It’s beautiful.” Aoi felt that his face had turned red, and his heart skipped a beat again as he felt Uruha’s soft skin. Slowly and almost shyly, he placed his hand on Uruha’s own. Aoi was so moved, he felt close to tears. Uruha had strummed the strings of his guitar and it felt like he did so with his heart. 

Aoi’s eyes scanned Uruha’s room again.  “You wear glasses?” He asked curiously as noticed the black frames on top of Uruha’s bureau. He was trying to think of something else, a distraction of sorts, because what he felt deep inside him scared him. Aoi was developing feelings too quickly, he couldn’t let himself do that. It would be the best option for the both of them.  

Uruha just nodded slowly. “I’d like to see you wear them one day.” Aoi smiled, his soft lips curving haughtily.  

Uruha had started blushing again, he could feel how his entire face was on fire. No one had ever made him blush as much as Aoi. Just Aoi looking at him could have Uruha feeling all sorts of happiness. Uruha held on to Aoi’s hand, hands that were calloused and cold, hands that Uruha held with his own, sharing his body heat with Aoi. “I don’t do this often,” Uruha laughed a bit nervously, Aoi looked at him inquisitively, “Invite people over, that is, I lead a very solitary life.” Uruha gently placed Lizzy beside the couch and then he held onto Aoi’s hands again, he felt safe when he did that.  

Angel had turned into Uruha in front of Aoi and now, he got to know fragments of this boy who was neither Angel nor Uruha – he was a young man that was lonely in a very big city. Aoi could relate to that, he had always been alone, had always been the outcast. He saw parts of himself in Uruha.  

Aoi resisted the urge to offer him weed or coke or any of the drugs he usually carried with him. Their moment was so intimate, he was scared of being insensitive by offering him to get high again. Getting high, perhaps took a bit too much space in his life. Seeing how down to earth Uruha was at home made him realize how chaotic his own lifestyle was.  He hadn’t cooked for himself in ages. Even if he could afford a very luxurious apartment, he lived in a shitty one-room flat with improvised furniture.  

Everything in his own place would always give the impression that someone who was involved with drugs lived there. Uruha’s place was not like that at all. 

“It’s getting really late,” Uruha commented, “I was about to get started on dinner, I wouldn’t mind if you stayed.” 

Aoi felt taken aback by his kindness yet again, he hadn’t had a home cooked meal in so long, his stomach growled as he thought about it, and that was answer enough for Uruha who stood up and smiled, he made his way to the kitchen and started preparing things.  

Aoi couldn’t believe he was offered to stay for dinner, and he believed even less in reality when Uruha started cooking. “I’m not a very good cook. I didn’t have a mom who could have taught me. I usually live off junk food.” He chuckled in amusement of his own ridiculous relationship to food. 

“I’m not the world’s best cook either,” Uruha admitted, giving Aoi a sympathetic smile, “I do make a mean pasta dish though.”  Aoi joined him in the kitchen, secretly enjoying every moment of Uruha digging around for ingredients and placing pots and pans on the stove. It felt so natural, something he could see himself getting used to.  

Uruha couldn’t stop smiling to himself as he prepared everything, he glanced up at Aoi every now and then as he chopped vegetables, simply enjoying his company.  

“So, who are your favorite musicians?” Uruha asked, lips turning into that adorable pout. 

When Uruha mentioned musicians Aoi smiled wide. His favorite topic in the world. Music was his everlasting drive and inspiration, what got him through the hardest moments in his life. 

“I love Guns’n’Roses. Mötley Crüe. But also Lou Reed,” He answers, “But my favorite... is X Japan.”  

The dancer’s eyes gleamed when Aoi mentioned the last band.  “You like all the classics!” Uruha admired, putting the pasta in the boiling water. 

“I grew up with classics too, X, Black Sabbath, Luna Sea, those were part of my childhood. In the 90s I started listening to more alternative and grunge stuff, Deftones and Manson, a little bit of Pearl Jam and Nirvana too. I enjoy a variety of music. Funny you mention Lou Reed...” Uruha paused for a moment, blushing yet again, “One of the very first songs I ever covered was walk on the wild side.” 

Aoi let out an amused laugh at that, the more he got to know Uruha the more he realized they had a lot of things in common. “X Japan really inspired me when I picked up the guitar.” Uruha added.  

“My favorite will always be X,” Aoi commented, “I think they’re so cool. Hide is the best guitarist I’ve ever heard. I couldn’t believe the news when they said he passed away...I always wanted to be just like him.” 

“I always did too, I think about Hide a lot,” Uruha looked mournful at the mention of Hide’s name, “I just hope he’s in a better place than here.”  

Aoi agreed to that, life could be too much to handle at times and he wondered if things truly ever got better or if that was only a saying. Uruha continued chopping vegetables and adding them to the sauce, along with spices, it was truly a treat to see the different facets of Uruha’s personality.  

“Do you think you’ll ever pursue music?” Uruha asked, getting plates out and setting them on the table, “I always want to believe that my journey with stripping is coming to an end and that I’ll chase my dreams of becoming a guitarist someday. Music fuels me, and I can’t imagine ever abandoning it.” 

“I truly don’t know,” Aoi responded, looking mournful, “I hope so, for the both of us. Until now it's just a hobby, but if I ever find a good band, I’d give up on dealing immediately. For me, it never was about the money or the drugs. I just had to survive somehow. If I could make a living out of something I truly enjoy...maybe life would finally make sense. Also, if you really do quit stripping, remember my offer.” 

Uruha nodded, not wanting to say anything about that, because it just seemed like a faraway dream. He could fantasize about quitting stripping all he wanted, but Uruha knew that there was no way he could ever truly quit. He had sold his soul, in more ways than one. But he didn’t want to bring the mood down. 

Uruha’s meal started smelling and Aoi felt like he had never eaten anything in his life before, knowing that Uruha had invited him to have dinner with him. Even when he didn’t trust anyone to come to his home, he trusted Aoi enough. 

Uruha had been humble about his cooking skills, but Aoi couldn’t remember having pasta this amazing. “I wov uor voot!!” He said with his mouth full. 

Was this happiness? Aoi knew a thousand ways of how to manipulate a human brain into feeling nothing but joy, but he couldn’t remember having home cooked pasta being one of them. 

Uruha couldn’t remember the last time he felt this comfortable and happy around someone. He and Aoi had sat opposite of each other at the dinner table, eating their pasta and talking about music, Uruha’s heart had been pounding the entire time as he got a change to map out Aoi’s features more. Though he was bruised and battered, Aoi looked gorgeous. Those cheekbones, that jawline, plump mouth that Uruha needed to kiss forever. The dancer felt like he had stepped inside a dream, ready to kill however woke him up. 

After they had finished their meal, Aoi really felt like smoking a cigarette. Letting the happiness he felt sink in. “Can I smoke in here?” 

The only thing that could crown their situation was a certain kind of bedroom activity - Aoi stopped himself from continuing that thought since it would only heat him up again. 

A smoke would keep him cool. 

“Yes, I’m technically not supposed to, but fuck rules.” Uruha chuckled, he lit up a cigarette and then passed Aoi the carton and lighter.  

They had made their way to the living room again, Uruha brought the almost full bottle of wine with with him, setting it down on the coffee table. They hadn’t gotten drunk during dinner, only small sips were shared between them, but they were both feeling that nice and warm sensation in their bellies.  

Uruha sucked in lungful of smoke, his lips forming an alluring o as he exhaled. Aoi had been eyeing him with those lazy bedroom eyes, though they were a little swollen, Uruha could still sense the way they were devouring him.  

“What is it?”  

Uruha asked, his honey blond hair being tucked behind his ear always shyly. Aoi reached out, tracing his fingers down Uruha’s cheek. Aoi felt the warmth emanating there, and without answering Uruha’s question, he leaned forward and kissed him tenderly. Aoi’s hand remained against his face, his lips moving slowly and sensually, both their eyes shutting immediately. “Aoi...” Uruha groaned out, his senses were overloading as Aoi kissed him, this kiss hadn’t been like any of the kisses they shared prior. Uruha felt the possessiveness Aoi harbored for him, all he could hear in his ears was... 

_“Mine.”_


	5. Life imitates art

It was the cutest when Uruha tucked his hair behind his ear. Aoi felt like he had to kiss him again and again. Their intimate moments had given him the strength to overcome all feelings of anxiety and guilt. He felt like a different part of him took over when he was around Uruha, the innocent parts of himself that hadn’t been corrupted by the world he lived in. Aoi almost wanted to snap out of whatever dream he had stepped in, people like him never got happy endings. These kinds of moments were rare and their longevity undecided.

Aoi took a deep breath, momentarily shaking these thoughts away. He pulled Uruha closer to him, regardless of the little voice that told him to stop.

He felt like his spirits had been awoken to new life after the actual food and the comfort he had been granted. His senses were getting used to the new sensations in his life, he hadn’t ever stuck around with people he hooked up with. But then again, what Aoi felt for Uruha towered any fling he had ever had. No matter how much Aoi’s mind screamed at him to leave and forget about Uruha, his heart would always scream louder. There was something pulling him towards the other man, something inexplicable. 

Uruha’s scent was everywhere, that sweet scent that always reminded him of spring’s first bloom. He trailed that scent everywhere he went, and Aoi had taken comfort in it. He wanted to continue to smell his silky hair, dig his nose into his pillows, his clothes, everything. Even without perfume, Uruha’s scent hypnotized him.

“I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” He almost whispered, caressing Uruha’s cheek gently, letting those dark eyes pierce him. 

Aoi had been in a war with himself since they had first parted. He knew he would get hurt, he knew how foolish it was to like someone who worked in the red-light district. But he wanted to preserve his feelings for as long as he could. He wanted to trust Uruha, he hadn’t been able to trust anyone since he started dealing. But he felt like there was something different about the dancer, he was a tortured soul, just like Aoi. He understood the complexities of the world they lived in. Perhaps there was some good in their situation...

They made themselves believe that as the weeks rolled by. Uruha went back to his regular life, his routines, the shows, and Aoi returned to his normal schedule of dealing the best drugs in town. Aoi could be found always waiting for Uruha out back after his shows, cigarette held between two full lips as he waited for him to leave the club for the night. They would spend most of their nights wrapped up in each other’s limbs, speaking solely with their bodies. But on rare occasion, they’d sit outside on Uruha’s balcony, smoking and reminiscing tales from their past. 

Uruha would sit at home on his lonely days counting the seconds till he could see Aoi again, he felt like a giddy school boy as he fell asleep clutching his pillow and thinking about the raven-haired man that hid in the shadows, waiting to just get a glimpse of him. It was their routine now, whenever Aoi finished his rounds, sometimes alone or with his mates, he would be religiously waiting for his blonde-haired angel to meet him for the night. They had become each other’s drug of choice.

“Do you...would you...like to go somewhere with me tonight? Maybe to the beach again?” Aoi asked hesitantly, putting out the cigarette on the backwall as he waited for Uruha to finish his cigarette. It was nearly 3am, and Aoi knew that if they drove to the beach now, they’d catch the sunrise, without a doubt. 

Uruha finished his cigarette and protectively held on to the ends of the leather jacket that once belonged to Aoi, it had become like a second skin to him. He wasn’t sure why Aoi seemed so fidgety, but perhaps a bit of salt water would to help ease their worries. “I-I’d love to actually.” Uruha missed the beach, and he wanted to be there again with Aoi. Their little get away when they had first met had been playing back and forth in Uruha’s mind, and he yearned to go back.

Aoi smiled at him and leaned in for a quick almost tentative kiss, the sense of adventure was always strong with Aoi. Uruha realized that it was late enough that by the time they got to the beach, they could probably see the sunrise together. And that just took Uruha back the day they had met. He cherished that day, more than he had cherished anything in so long. 

Once they walked towards the parking lot, Uruha noticed Aoi’s car was nowhere to be found, instead a black Harley was parked on the street. “It’s a pleasure to finally meet your bike.” Uruha smiled, making Aoi chuckle, he gave Uruha a helmet and then secured one on his own head. The black motorcycle was beautiful, it was elegant and mysterious, just like its owner. Uruha hadn’t been on a motorcycle in ages; he felt intimidated by the piece of machinery. But when he wrapped his arms around Aoi’s torso and rested his head against his shoulders, fear flew out the window.

The engine growled out loud as Aoi started the motorcycle, Uruha’s arms wrapped around him gave Aoi a sense of security. They left the city and Aoi drove over the highway fast. Cities and landscapes passed before they saw the coast, and then they saw the beach with its caramel-toned sand. Even in the pale moonlight the beach looked as enticing as ever, not a soul to be seen as Aoi drove by. 

They drove by a few more beaches, leaving behind their prefecture. Driving down the long road by a cliff, they reached a passage that led through a small forest. Aoi parked his bike just outside of the small entrance. Large rocks peaked out of the water, as waves broke noisily on them in a peaceful rhythm.

The salty air tickled their heated faces. Aoi felt like he had arrived at home.

As Uruha joined him, they picked a spot on the cool sand, their toes touching the edge of the water as the small waves reached the shore.

“I was born in a small village by the bay of Mie. I used to surf a lot actually. Sometimes I miss it, but I can’t do it in Tokyo, the waves aren’t high enough.” Hesitantly, Aoi reached out for Uruha’s hand again.

Uruha smiled at the gesture, letting Aoi hold his hand. He let the salty air tickle his face and the light warm ocean breeze mess up his previously styled hair. He wondered fleetingly about moving near the ocean, abandoning everything in the city and turning his attention to the happiness he felt by the sea. Uruha wanted to forget everything and start fresh. Everything was always easier said than done, sadly. 

“I’ve heard of Mie,” Uruha murmured, “It’s a beautiful place, I should’ve known you’re from the Kansai region, that would explain why sometimes you speak in a dialect I don’t understand.” Aoi chuckled at that, the hand he held Uruha’s with clutching it tighter.

“I was born and grew up in a small town in Kanagawa,” Uruha explained, “I always dreamed of moving to Tokyo though, my best friend at the time, Akira, swore we would one day. But I ended leaving alone since he and his family moved to Hokkaido.” Uruha tried not to frown at the bitter memory, Akira had been his best friend forever at the time, and they lost each other, he was sure he’d never see him again. Too many years had passed and Uruha was sure that Akira had forgotten about him. 

Aoi could tell that was still a sore memory for Uruha as he wrapped his arms around the other man’s small waist, his head resting against his shoulder. 

Uruha smiled sadly, his fingers lightly tracing Aoi’s hand. “We have to make new memories, yeah?” Uruha turned his face to look at Aoi, “We have to move on, and learn to be happy. Though it’s been so long since I’ve felt truly happy, that is, until I met you.” 

“I’m sorry about your friend. Maybe you’ll meet him again someday,” Aoi whispered gently, “Let's try to make the best out of this. Though I can’t promise anything. I’m too deeply involved in the underground, which is always going to mean that unexpected things will happen, and many of them won’t be pretty. I can’t promise you stability, but I can try to make us happy in my way.” Aoi gently stroked over Uruha’s waist.

The moment felt intense - almost too intense for Aoi to handle. Were they talking of their future right now? He always tried to live in the moment, not in any days of the future. The future was scary and unpredictable, but the things happening to him were defying everything he thought he knew.

Aoi pulled out a small bag of marijuana buds and started rolling a blunt, his favorite thing to keep his mind from wandering off too far. “Being high by the beach is the best way of being high.” He smirked and lit up the blunt, taking a few long drags of it before offering it to Uruha.

Aoi’s emotions were overwhelming and he tried to mute them before he started dwelling too much on them. When he was around Uruha, his actions felt so natural and effortless; he didn’t want to ruin anything with the wrong words, or promises he couldn’t keep.

Plus, he still wasn’t sure if he was the only man Uruha spent time with. Those unwanted thoughts always left bitter traces in the bliss he felt whenever he looked at the dancer. 

Uruha felt slightly relieved by Aoi’s easygoing nature. He wasn’t sure if what he said would scare him away, but Uruha just needed to be honest. He had been feeling too many things since the moment he met Aoi, he didn’t believe in love at first sight but he did believe in fate and intuition, and there had been a spark when he kissed Aoi for the first time. Uruha didn’t know what it meant, but he wanted to preserve that feeling for as long as he could. Love had never been good to him, love had caused him too much pain, but Uruha knew he had to move on eventually, and perhaps it was fate for him to meet Aoi. 

“My life isn’t stable either,” Uruha pondered, “But I’m ready for good things to happen to me, I’m tired of hiding and being scared to live. Life has only ever kicked me down but I stand back up every time.” Aoi nodded, he could tell Uruha was passionate as he spoke, and he knew that feeling all too well. He was tired of bad news following him around, he was done with everything in his life draining him. 

Uruha took a hit of the blunt, letting the smoke pool around him and taking a deep breath. “Life’s definitely easier when you’re high.” He smiled tiredly and rested his head against Aoi’s shoulder. 

“It's definitely more bearable,” Aoi chuckled. “I can’t remember how it is to live permanently sober.” He stroked over Uruha’s hand with his thumb gently.

“Do you believe in fate, Tiger?” Uruha murmured, almost to himself, “Do you believe in the red thread of fate?” 

“That’s something I’ve always asked myself. For things to be complete coincidences, everything that has happened to me in my short life is too crazy. But everything being fate...that thought scares me. It almost feels like I have zero control over my life. I wish I could be the master of my fate. To be the captain of my own soul.” Aoi took the last drag of the blunt before putting it out in the sand.

Uruha nodded sheepishly, he was letting himself fall into the mindset that Aoi could be his one day. That perhaps everything that had happened between them was fate, but he had to be realistic. His life wasn’t a fairytale, no matter how much he tried to make himself believe otherwise.

As if Aoi could feel Uruha’s worries, he turned his face towards him and kissed him, momentarily letting him forget his uneasiness. Uruha let himself fall on his back so Aoi could climb on top of him. Aoi supported himself on his elbows, repeatedly leaning down to kiss him.

He still couldn't believe that a little rendezvous with a stripper had turned around into something that vaguely resembled romance. Aoi’s emotions towards him felt too strong and he almost wanted to recoil in fear, but something kept him tied down. He let his body press against Uruha’s hips, their chests flush against each other.

Suddenly Aoi laughed into the kiss, scratching his lower back. “I got sand in my pants.” 

Uruha laughed at that, pulling Aoi back down for another kiss and biting on his bottom lip, “Then I guess you’re going to have to take your pants off.” Uruha’s eyes were twinkling with lust, and Aoi knew exactly what he was trying to do. He didn’t protest though as he got out of his pants. The beach was empty and they were mostly hidden by large leafy bushes, so the coast was pretty much clear. 

Uruha helped Aoi take his pants off, but he didn’t stop there, he started pulling down his boxers as well. Aoi sucked in a breath, hesitating for a moment but Uruha’s lips were back on him and he forgot all sense of right and wrong. He needed to feel Uruha’s naked skin against him, Aoi was becoming addicted to the way Uruha made him feel. “I need you baby, like I breathe you baby.” Uruha moaned against his open mouth, Aoi’s hands helped in taking off Uruha’s jacket and his barely there belly shirt. Aoi then took off his own shirt, and the first press of bare chests made Aoi groan in electrifying pleasure. 

Uruha rocked against his hips, moving and simulating the act of sex. Aoi’s hands were on Uruha’s thighs, squeezing him and urging him to get his fishnets off. Aoi was overwhelmed with desire and wanted more. “Mmm, I came prepared this time,” Uruha smirked as he got out a little tube of lubricant from his pocket. Aoi laughed at that, they were both itching to get in each other’s pants it seemed like. He couldn’t be too upset because this way, what they were about to do had gotten a whole lot easier. 

“Ordering a sex on the beach cocktail will never be the same again.” Aoi chuckled, feeling the heat gathering in his crotch. He turned himself and Uruha around, having him on top this time, spreading his legs so the taller man sank in between them. He bit his lip sensually when he felt Uruha’s crotch pressing against his thighs. 

Sand was everywhere when Aoi stroked over Uruha’s back and then cupped his ass, impatiently he pulled Uruha’s skimpy skirt up and over his head. It was convenient how Uruha wasn’t wearing a lot to begin with, it made the process of removing clothes a whole lot easier. Heat spread in his body when he felt Uruha’s fully erect length press against his body. Brushing his lips over Uruha’s, he wrapped his legs around his hips. 

Aoi didn’t say it out loud, but his current act of devotion was a big step for him; he wouldn’t offer himself just to anyone, especially someone he just played his usual games with. But what he was doing with Uruha wasn’t a game, at least that’s what he felt in the dark recesses of his heart.

Coming back down to earth and feeling relaxed enough throughout his high, he was sure allowing Uruha to take him wouldn’t cause him too much pain, even if it had been a long time since he had been the receiver of sorts. He still had a few healing cuts on his face, he was sure no one would question a funny walk.

Uruha kissed Aoi hard, swallowing his breathy and pained moans as his slick fingers slipped underneath to Aoi’s entrance. Uruha didn’t think Aoi would allow him to, but he relished the moment. “Aoi, baby,” Uruha groaned, his fingers were slipping through the first ring of muscle and Aoi relaxed against him. “This is...” Uruha’s words were taken from his mouth as Aoi kissed him roughly, whispering “Incredible” against his lips. 

Once Uruha noticed Aoi was relaxed and ready, he took his fingers out and spread more lube on his length, rubbing his hard cock in the process and getting it ready. Uruha smirked to himself as Aoi’s legs wrapped tighter around him, urging him to slide inside him. With his cock in hand, Uruha started moving slowly inside Aoi, still trying to be as careful as possible. He knew the other man was slightly hesitant and he wanted this to be more pleasant than painful. 

Aoi held on to Uruha’s hands as the other began thrusting in and out, it was very rare for him to show this much affection for a sexual partner, but to him, Uruha was much more than that. He saw a true angel before him, the wind playing with his golden hair, salt and hints of lavender tickling his nose. Aoi really did feel like he was in heaven, no drug felt as good and kept him high as long as Uruha. 

The moment Uruha had entered him, Aoi felt the sparks of electricity that he hadn’t felt in ages. He’d never confess how badly he was into it however. As Uruha’s length slipped into him, he was slightly in pain, but the heat that flushed through his entire body felt stronger. Realizing that Uruha was taking him drove Aoi crazy. He groaned in lust when Uruha started hitting that spot deep inside of him.

“Take me my angel...” He moaned, trying to not lose his breath. Holding Uruha’s hand comforted him, it made the whole act feel sweeter than it was. Aoi let out a loud noise, the second that Uruha hit his sweet spot while his free hand stroked himself.

“Ah! Yes, right there!” He moaned wantonly, tears of pleasure gathering in his eyes. His precum felt sticky on his belly.

Aoi bent his body towards Uruha so the other man had more freedom to thrust in and out of him, which he did, faster and stronger, making Aoi see stars every time he hit his prostate. Sweat covered both of them, Aoi could feel it running down his forehead through his hair. Driven by lust he kept stroking his own erection, trying to match Uruha’s rhythm, he could feel himself coming closer to his climax.

Uruha’s face heated up even more at the way Aoi had called him his angel, he felt a shiver run up his spine as he thrusted inside Aoi’s body, loving how the other man clung to him. He quickened his pace, running towards the finish line. “God, Aoi,” Uruha kept moaning, he leaned down to catch Aoi’s lips in a messy kiss, tongues and saliva together making a beautiful mess. Uruha couldn’t imagine feeling this rush from anyone else, only Aoi set his soul on fire. He needed him, he wanted everything Aoi could give him. 

Uruha kept the same speed as he snaked his hand in between their sweaty bodies to grab Aoi’s sensitive cock, he stroked it a few times and Aoi saw stars, his orgasm begging to be released. “I’m so close,” Uruha breathed out, he couldn’t believe the sensations wracking his body could be this intense. He held on to either of Aoi’s thighs and fucked him hard, not even realizing that it had begun raining. The cold droplets of water fell down Uruha’s back and he didn’t care, he kept going, ready to let go in between Aoi’s legs. 

“Fuck!” One sharp cry and Uruha came deep inside Aoi’s body, his orgasm ripping deliciously through him. He felt exhausted but he wasn’t going to stop until Aoi came as well. 

“Cum for me baby,” Uruha urged, kissing Aoi hard and sensual, his tongue snaking out and licking Aoi’s jaw. The other man moaned out, the sensation of Uruha’s touch and the rain falling down had him spilling over almost too fast for his mind to comprehend. “Mmm that’s right.” Uruha felt the sticky warm liquid all over his hands, groaning and bringing up his sticky hand to lick up Aoi’s cum. 

All of Aoi’s senses exploded when he came, and when he opened his eyes, he saw Uruha licking his cum off his hands, that alone had him feeling like he could cum again right away.

He pulled Uruha close into a tight embrace, digging his nose into hair that had become wet from sweat and rain. “That was amazing...” Aoi whispered breathlessly.  Uruha nodded, too exhausted to even think. He could still feel the effects of his orgasm moving in waves through his body, it had been too intense.

They stayed wrapped up in each other for a while, even as the rain started pouring down vehemently. Aoi enjoyed the natural shower, it cooled him down and washed his sweat away.

“How about going skinny dipping in the rain?” Their sunrise was practically gone as the rainclouds had darkened the sky and the sea had turned gray. “If we’re still alone by the beach and soaked anyways, why not?”

Aoi hoped the rain remained a quick shower, going back on the highway when it was gray and rainy was not without risks, especially not on a motorcycle that would be carrying two people.

Uruha smirked and agreed, their clothes were now soaked and it would be awhile till they dried, they had no real reason to end the fun. Aoi disentangled himself from Uruha’s limbs and then helped him to stand. They were both covered in sand and it made Aoi genuinely smile. They had been careless, free, happy...he lived for moments like these.

Wrapping an arm around Uruha’s naked waist they took small steps through the sand, pebbles and seaweed on the shore. The smell of salt was even more prominent now, and Aoi felt the first wave gently running through his toes. It wasn’t cold at all, compared to the raindrops that still ran down his body.

It was the second time they swam together - without clothes and without anyone around them, but this time it felt like they had an entire ocean to themselves. They stood chest deep in the water, and Aoi felt wet lips on his own. Tenderly, he moved them against Uruha’s...less urging, more playful.

Once again they had managed to get away and create their personal paradise for hours.

How long could it last this time? 

Aoi hadn’t planned on staying with Uruha this long; when he dropped by the club he thought he would take him home, maybe grab some coffee before that. But the idea to come down to the beach had been spontaneous, and Aoi was sure Uruha would decline his offer. But here they were now, hours later, alone in the ocean, taking a dip naked. 

He shook his head, and tried to not think about all the calls he ignored and all the text messages he hadn’t responded to yet. Aoi wasn’t thinking about his “job”, especially not when he had a gorgeous man in his arms. His angel. 

Uruha noticed how water had become an ongoing theme in his and Aoi’s relationship, if you could even call it that. Uruha was beginning to feel head over heels for Aoi, he feared that perhaps he was moving too fast too soon but he was tired of never following the things that brought him happiness. Uruha had abandoned the guitar, the one thing that had brought him nothing but joy. But now with Aoi, those familiar sensations were happening again and Uruha didn’t want to let go, ever. He had found a home in Aoi and for once in his life he felt like he had found someone that he could trust, that he could... _love._

Drops of saltwater dripped out his wet hair, landing on Aoi’s face who punished him playfully by splashing a hand of water towards Uruha’s face.

“Hey!” Uruha exclaimed, reciprocating by splashing water on Aoi, the other man looked confused for a minute and then reacted, coming towards Uruha and trying to grab him. Uruha moved fast against the water, laughing whole heartedly as he tried to escape from Aoi’s grasp, but eventually he succumbed to him, a smile never leaving his face as Aoi spun him around in the ocean. Uruha relaxed against his touch, his head falling back onto Aoi’s chest. “Can we stay here forever?” Uruha asked, he was only kidding but there was too much truth to that question. Aoi kissed the top of his head tenderly, his grip getting tighter, afraid to let Uruha go. 

“We can abandon the city, we can change our names, start fresh...” Uruha whispered almost to himself, he knew that’s what he wanted to do. He wanted a small house next to the beach, free from the shackles that still held him attached to his false life, a life that brought him nothing but sadness and worry.

Aoi smiled sadly at that, feeling what he usually felt after coming down from a high. Everything good in his life always came to an end, everything. He had become afraid of forming attachments to people for the sole reason of avoiding the pain that followed. When Aoi looked at Uruha, he saw a chance for something new, a chance for a real life. Ever since he met him he had thought of scenarios where this could work out for them both, but none of them were realistic. The price of starting a new life was too high, and there were a million things working against them. But Aoi held on to the smallest ounce of hope that one day he’ll look towards the future and see the light...see Uruha by his side.


	6. Straight to the Heart

After they had paddled around for a while, it finally stopped raining. Aoi started to feel cold, and he could tell Uruha’s body has having the same reaction. The way their bodies were moving around against the waves was soothing, but reality started knocking on the door once again. 

Aoi gently cupped Uruha’s face with his hands. “I think we should slowly go back, before it starts raining again. It might take us a lot longer to get back to the city, I can’t drive as fast when the road is wet.” 

Uruha didn’t want to move, the water was warm around his body, and he childishly made himself heavy on purpose. Aoi literally had to drag him out of the water, until it was shallow enough for him to walk. 

Their clothes were still soaked from the rain, and putting them on almost screamed catching a cold. Aoi could feel how his wet hair was dripping incessantly, and how his t-shirt felt uncomfortable against his body. It only made him feel colder. Even though it was mid-July, the summer rain felt strangely cold, the usual heat was gone. Aoi closed the zipper on his old leather jacket that now belonged to Uruha, as it rested on his slender frame. At least one of them could stay semi-warm during the long ride home. 

Aoi drove carefully, but the first 80 Kilometers exhausted him. There were barely any street lights, the road was slippery, and he was shivering from the wind and wet clothes on his back. He wished he could snap his fingers and be back in bed, with Uruha, more than anything.  

After approximately one hour, he turned into a small gas station by the highway. Aoi parked as far away as possible. “I’m sorry, would you mind covering me?” He made Uruha stand closely in front of him, obscuring him from anyone that could possibly walk near them. 

“Sure, just do it quickly.” Uruha kept shivering as he stood in front of Aoi, fidgeting and wet.  He shook his head when Aoi offered him some coke, he was far too exhausted for anything, he wanted food. 

Quick and inconspicuously, he pulled out a small plastic bag out of his jeans pocket, scooping a little amount of white power out with his key, and snorting it into each nostril. “I couldn’t focus anymore, and I felt like my body was about to give out on me...” 

Aoi checked if anybody could have seen them, thankfully, the coast was clear. The dose kicked in quickly, and immediately it made him stop freezing. He felt awake and strong enough to make the rest of their way home. He put the key he had just used back into the engine, and started it after he felt that Uruha had taken the seat behind him, and wrapped his arms around his waist. He wasn’t very talkative, but Aoi understood that perhaps Uruha was just tired. 

The coke gave him enough courage to speed up, even on a slippery highway.  Aoi felt focused, surprisingly. On the track on the other side of the road, a police car passed by, the siren caused Aoi’s heart to pound uncomfortably - the paranoia was steadily setting in. He stroked quickly over Uruha’s thigh behind him, to calm himself down, to feel grounded again.  

He felt relief when they finally entered the city. 

Uruha could feel the effects of the cocaine in Aoi’s body, as he let his hands rest against his chest. It had been a little while since Uruha last had done coke, he had been high off the marijuana but nothing else. He felt the effects of the coke when he was around Aoi however, it was almost like taking a bump when he spent time with him. Uruha was becoming addicted. Scared of what could happen if Aoi disappeared one day and the withdrawals would set in. Uruha didn’t like to admit it but he had a tendency to be codependent, he liked to believe he had put that part of him in the past but it was becoming apparent that he hadn’t abandoned those behaviors. The dancer tried to pay no mind to old lingering memories, he felt it in his bones that what he felt towards Aoi was different.  

When they finally drove past the many skyscrapers of the city, both of them immediately felt the need to replenish their energy. They went to a local diner and ordered some food and coffee. Uruha played with the ends of his damp hair, his slender frame shivering from still wearing the cold and wet clothes. “Come on Aoi, you need to eat something.” Uruha looked at Aoi who sat across from him in the booth, he rubbed the bridge of his nose, sighing in exasperation.  

The hit of coke wasn’t settling right with him, he was feeling all the bad side effects all of a sudden. Uruha stopped trying to talk to him, he could tell that Aoi had a lot on his mind and he didn’t want to pry. “Don’t worry, I got this.” Uruha placed a wad of cash on the table when their bill arrived. He was exhausted, cold, ready to get out of the clothes on his back. Uruha could tell that Aoi was in the same boat.  

“We can go back to my place if you’d like, or whatever you wanna do actually.” Uruha had started feeling a bit uncomfortable around Aoi who kept chain smoking and pacing back and forth outside the diner, he was starting to get delirious and it worried Uruha. He just wanted Aoi to relax, to sit down and calm his nerves.  

Aoi started feeling extremely uneasy. His heart was pounding incredibly fast and strong, and his previous nice high switched into a bad comedown. His hands were sweaty and clammy, he felt like he was being watched by some unseen force.  

The lights of the city irritated him. 

He knew Uruha was right to worry, he should have eaten something but his appetite was nonexistent, and Aoi was sure that it would be the same with sleeping; he was physically very tired, but his mind was wide awake, and his aggressively pounding heart would not allow him to sleep, or even just dose off.  

 _What in the world was going on,_ Aoi kept thinking. He had taken two micro doses off his key, not half a gram at once, but his body made him feel like he had been doing coke all day. 

His attempts at calming down by chain smoking, turned out to be in vain. Aoi knew it was time to go home. The thought of saying good bye to Uruha made him feel even worse, he smashed the cigarette he had been smoking and held on to Uruha, he embraced him and that’s when the dancer noticed Aoi was shaking. Aoi kissed Uruha’s forehead, and he did what he had never done with anybody; he asked Uruha to come home with him 

“W-Would you be okay with coming to my place?” He asked hesitantly, feeling relieved when Uruha reached up to kiss him softly and nodded. Uruha just wanted Aoi to feel safe. 

Aoi’s place was not exactly the part he wanted to show Uruha of himself, but he needed to be in his comfort zone no matter what. It was borderline torture for Aoi to drive another 30 minutes in Tokyo’s traffic until they reached his place. Whenever they passed by a police car or station, he felt like he was close to having a heart attack. He hadn’t felt this paranoid in a while. 

They finally reached his apartment complex. They would usually spend their time in Uruha's apartment, but Aoi felt somewhere deep down, that he could trust the other man.

They took an elevator to the 12th floor, and in the brightly lit cabin, Uruha could see how Aoi’s bloodshot eyes danced in their sockets, his pupils dilated to the maximum. “I really don’t understand why this is happening,” Aoi murmured, “I took such a small dose; my body should be used to that. There were times when I did this and more, every day.” 

“Maybe it just didn’t settle well in your body,” Uruha whispered, gently grabbing Aoi’s hand, “I think you’re just really stressed out, you need to sleep.” Aoi didn’t want to admit it, but it was true. He was stressed out, but the stress felt overbearing. He tenderly brought Uruha’s hand to his mouth and kissed it, nodding tiredly.  

They entered his apartment, and it looked exactly how Aoi had left it; little empty plastic bags everywhere, his scale on the small kitchen table, ashtrays with a collection of ashes scattered all around. Beside an open and messy looking wardrobe, Aoi had his mattress, they were the only pieces of furniture in his room. 

Aoi went to his bathroom and searched in his small cupboard over the sink for tranquilizers, sedatives, anything to calm his nerves and his heart down. He finally picked up one of the two prescription bottles of pills, and put them on the table. He went over the sink and served himself a glass of water, popping a few pills and swallowing them down. 

“Feel free to take a shower, you can borrow my clothes if you’d like.” Aoi groaned huskily, letting himself fall on the chair, massaging his temples.  

Uruha didn’t care about anything in that moment but Aoi. He couldn’t think straight, and felt at a loss for what to do. Uruha chewed on his cuticles nervously as he sat in front of Aoi. “I just wanna make sure you’re okay.” Uruha whispered, he let his hand affectionately rub Aoi’s thigh, he just wanted the other man to feel like he could count on Uruha, no matter how strange he felt about the whole ordeal. Uruha stood up and went into the kitchen, digging around in the freezer until he pulled out a container of ice. He grabbed one of the kitchen towels and made makeshift ice pack.

Taking it back to Aoi, he gently placed it over his forehead. Trying to help with the migraine he must’ve had. Aoi let himself relax, his chest moving steadily up and down as he took deep breaths. Uruha couldn’t shake the guilt, he wished fleetingly that none of this had happened. Aoi seemed to be falling apart, and Uruha felt like it was his doing. He only ever knew how to ruin people’s lives, he thought to himself.  

“Aoi, let’s go lay down,” Uruha’s voice was soft and soothing to Aoi’s ear and he didn’t put up a fight anymore. He let Uruha take him to the mattress on the floor, feeling how the other fluffed up the pillows for him. “I’ll be right here for you.” Uruha placed a soft kiss to Aoi’s forehead, the pills he had taken slowly lulling him to sleep. This whole situation was fucked up, but Uruha couldn’t imagine being away from Aoi now. He needed him, he breathed him, he’d never leave him.  

The way he felt couldn’t be described, but he knew he wasn’t ready to admit his true feelings. Aoi was a man that had spent too much time of his life shutting everyone out, avoiding getting close to people, and now every imaginary rule he had made dissolved. Aoi needed Uruha just the same. He was wrapped up in his daisy chains, and perhaps that sort of attachment was exactly what he had been missing his entire life.  

Aoi felt relaxed fleetingly as he was dragged to bed. He felt physically disgusting, wanted to take a shower and get fresh, but he didn’t have any strength to get up again. He forced himself to breathe normally, for the sake of Uruha he wanted to feel fine as soon as possible. 

“I’m sorry for making you worry, I’m causing you nothing but trouble,” Aoi laughed slightly bitter, trying to loosen the tension of their situation. He stroked over Uruha’s shoulder blades, let his hand slip through his wet collar to caress naked skin on his back. “Thank you for staying with me.” 

“Sh, just please rest.” Uruha whispered, he was going to say something else, perhaps It would be too bold to mention it. He bit his tongue, and kept caressing Aoi. The ice Uruha had prepared for him made his head feel a little better; the swelling from his migraine didn’t pulsate as bad anymore. 

“Uruha..please do me a favor and change out of your clothes. You’re still soaked, you’ll catch a cold. In my closet I have t-shirts and sweatpants. Just take whatever you like.” Aoi couldn’t deny that he was enjoying being wrapped up with Uruha like this, but he worried for him, wanted to make sure that he wouldn’t get ill. The dancer kissed him quickly and hesitantly made his way towards Aoi’s closet, rummaging through the clothes. 

Aoi rolled over and dug around his pocket, grabbing his neglected cellphone. 

**7 missed calls - 13 texts**

He felt horrible for too many reasons, but he knew that regardless, he urgently needed to respond, everything else was already looking bad for his image and the relationships he had with his costumers. He called one person after another, making appointments and apologizing for being busy that day and the following day. Aoi still didn’t want to deal with that hectic side of his life. 

Uruha came back to bed, now wearing one of Aoi’s oversized shirts and some boxers. Aoi enjoyed the glimpses he could see of Uruha’s bare skin, it always made his heart skip a beat when Uruha would bare himself just for his eyes, that held something special to him, he was doing it for Aoi's eyes only, but he was far too exhausted to do anything to quench his desire. They held each other for what seemed like ages, and for all they cared, they could have. Aoi could feel how his heart finally started beating normally again the longer he held Uruha’s slender frame in his arms.  

The sedative he had taken before, had kicked in and made him feel better immediately. Aoi finally felt how tired his body and his mind were. His blood pressure was low, and his eyes felt droopy. Moments later, he fell asleep and Uruha could feel his steady breath against the back of his neck. 

Uruha had momentarily turned around and watched Aoi as he slept, something he had become fond of doing. He wondered briefly what it would be like if he could fall asleep next to Aoi on a regular basis. Surely the way things were going, the prospect of that happening wasn’t too crazy. Uruha had found comfort in Aoi. He could hide out with him and the world would disappear behind them, he didn’t have anything tying him down. 

And the longer he kept Aoi in his life, the more he could start to see a future for himself. Uruha couldn’t imagine living an ordinary life, what would happen if he quit stripping? He hadn’t gone to school, he didn’t have any useful skills for the real world, he thought, playing the guitar would only be fruitful if he had a band to play in. But none of that would ever come to fruition so Uruha stored the dream of becoming a musician away. _Once a stripper, always a stripper,_ he bitterly thought to himself.  

Uruha buried his face against Aoi’s chest, placing soft and tender kisses on the chilled flesh. How he wished he could have this man beside him forever, Uruha felt in over his head. Things were headed in the right direction, but he wasn’t sure if Aoi was completely on board with that.  

Would he only ever see him as an exotic dancer? Uruha convinced himself that Aoi wasn’t like the others, and he wasn’t. He had taken interest in him, in his life, he hadn’t felt that important to anyone in the longest time. He was trying to not be too delusional, but everything that was happening urged him to think differently.

Uruha tried to fall asleep but he couldn’t. It had started raining again and the thunder growled loudly just outside the window above their heads. Uruha had always hated storms. He sat up and walked into the kitchen, trying to find something to drink. He rummaged through the fridge but Aoi only had cans of beer. Uruha didn’t enjoy drinking beer, he was a vodka person, but regardless, he needed something nonalcoholic.  

The pantry beside the fridge seemed like it could hold some hidden beverages, he rummaged through it, finding it mostly empty. He stopped when he found a small wooden box put away towards the back. He eyed the box curiously, and briefly wondered if he should look inside. It felt wrong to look through Aoi’s belongings, especially considering his line of work. But against his better judgment, Uruha opened the box and unexpectedly found a syringe. Beside the syringe there was a small bag full of crystals, crystals that were no stranger to Uruha. He hesitated, his breath speeding up as his drug of choice taunted him how it had all those years in his life. Uruha tried shutting his eyes and putting the box away, but temptation won a small victory as he pulled everything out and placed it on the kitchen counter.  

In the sink he found a spoon and set it down, he crushed the crystals into a fine powder and mixed them with water. Once the mixture was dissolved, Uruha took a deep breath, wrapping a rubber band he had found on the floor around his upper arm. He hesitated with the syringe in his hand, was he really about to open that door? The door he had walked through time and time again in his past, only ever leaving a wake of destruction in his path. Uruha shook his head, taking yet another deep breath, and then sucking up the poison with the syringe. Exhaling, he let the need slide inside the vein in his arm, pressing down and injecting the drug into his system, erasing all the years of sobriety from that specific drug. Uruha could feel the heat that engulfed his body, euphoria taking a hold of him as he pulled the needle out and yanked the make shift tourniquet off. Old habits truly did die hard.  

Thanks to the sedative, Aoi was able to sleep like a baby, not waking up once. Much later in the day, he woke up, and blinked, stretching his arms above himself. Realization struck him immediately. 

Uruha was not next to him. 

Still feeling sleep deprived, Aoi rolled over in his mattress – Uruha's smell still lingered in the bedsheets. Aoi inhaled the strong aroma, letting It engulf his senses. His eyes wandered over to his alarm clock; it was nine at night. Suddenly, a noise coming from his small kitchen told him Uruha was surprisingly still here. A flood of relief spread through Aoi’s body. He was so sure that Uruha had left hours ago, and went back home at some point...he had no reason to stay, Aoi thought bitterly. 

Aoi shakily got on his feet, realizing that he still wore the clothes from the previous day, and that he hadn’t been able to shower from sheer exhaustion, the muscles allover his body ached. 

In pain but also excited to see Uruha, he dragged his feet into the kitchen, surprised to see him cleaning his kitchen counter, meticulously making sure everything was spotless. His usually very dirty and messy kitchen looked incredibly clean for the first time in years, every surface nearly sparkled in the light. 

Aoi was about to hug the dancer and ask why he had cleaned, when his eyes honed in on the traces of evidence, his face falling immediately. “Uruha...did you?” Aoi hesitated for a moment, feeling a rush of panic travel down his spine. The syringe he was supposed to bring to one of his special customers was next to the sink, and Aoi hadn’t left it there. 

When Uruha turned around to face him, Aoi quickly understood. 

The dancer’s eyes were bloodshot, a blind person could see that the blond man hadn’t had a minute of sleep in 24 hours. His eyes were even darker than they were normally. Uruha didn’t blink, even after he had stared at Aoi for a good five seconds. Aoi remembered that Uruha had mentioned his addiction to amphetamines, he felt a wave of guilt running down his spine, remembering how careless he had been about hiding the crystal meth. It was practically out in plain sight, Aoi’s heart sped up yet again, making him lightheaded. He exhaled slowly, his face softening, he gave Uruha a gentle yet sad smile.  

“It’s alright. Are you okay?” Aoi approached him slowly. Obviously Uruha was on the good stage of his high, he hadn’t reached the binge yet - at least Aoi hoped so. The meth had been reserved for one of Aoi’s oldest customers, who got off his cocaine addiction- for the sake of meth. It was very risky to get it, and he trusted Aoi to get him clean stuff.  

“Okay? I’m fantastic!” Uruha exclaimed, his pupils were dilated and his breathing was erratic. Aoi felt concerned immediately. He didn’t know when it had been the last time Uruha injected methamphetamine. But by the looks of it, it had been a while. “What’s wrong Aoi?” Uruha asked suddenly, he went in for a kiss and Aoi flinched. It wasn’t that he didn’t want the kiss, he just didn’t feel right kissing Uruha when he was high on something as dangerous as meth. Aoi messed around with cocaine, ecstasy and weed mostly, he dabbled with hardcore drugs extremely rarely and he knew the effects of meth. He wouldn’t have minded if Uruha snorted his coke but the stuff he was trying to hide had been off limits. Yet it was his fault of not hiding the meth better. 

“Isn’t life wonderful?” Uruha smiled wide, twirling around in the kitchen. Aoi felt uneasy, he tried reaching for the dancer but he slipped out of his touch. He could hear Uruha’s stomach growling, and was about to tell him that he’d make some food for them, but Aoi remembered he had nothing to eat in his apartment. He usually ate out or not at all, and he wasn’t expecting the company. Aoi felt lost regarding what to do. He had to find a way to replenish the crystal that Uruha had injected, but in that moment none of that had mattered.  

Aoi watched as the other man went to lay on the mattress and he couldn’t imagine what could have happened if Uruha had overdosed. Someone as thin and frail as him could have easily taken the wrong dosage, and Aoi wouldn’t ever be able to forgive himself if anything were to happen to Uruha.  

“Come to bed, baby.” Uruha called out to him, Aoi bit down on his tongue hard, tasting the metallic tang of blood when he saw Uruha undressing himself. Those beckoning thighs rubbed against each other as he pulled the clothes off his body. Back arching sensually off the bed as he closed his eyes, finger running down his bare chest and seducing Aoi.  

Aoi didn’t know what to do, the image painted in front of him was too tempting to ignore. He wanted Uruha, but he felt like he was taking advantage of him.  

Aoi felt tormented. He hesitantly came close to Uruha and wrapped his arms around him. 

“I’m happy that you are happy.” He spoke gently, his tone of voice low. But he wasn’t happy at all, but he knew that methamphetamine addicts were volatile, and he wanted to avoid any and all confrontation. 

Uruha’s shoulders felt cold, yet they were covered in a thick layer of sweat. There was hardly an ounce of fat on the dancer’s body, and the lack of sleep, and his previous physical activities had probably brought his body to an early stage of exhaustion.  

Aoi always felt drawn to Uruha, but his body was still building down the wild mixture of sedatives and coke, besides he didn’t feel comfortable in his skin because of the muscular pain and not having showered. If Uruha needed it now he would be able to get aroused, but he preferred if he could just take care of him in a less sexual way. 

“Angel, baby, I’m not sure if this is a good idea now. You should eat something. Drink some water. Also, we both haven’t showered. Mm?” 

Aoi tried to get over his worries about Uruha’s condition, his only option was to make the best out of their current situation, which included pampering Uruha so his crash wouldn’t turn out too bad, aside from pretending everything was normal, to not irritate him. 

Aoi had to watch out he didn’t do more of the meth that was leftover, he would dispose of it shortly. Willing lose the money if it meant keeping Uruha safe. 

“Come on, let’s take a shower together.” Aoi pulled himself back on his feet, guiding Uruha gently to his bathroom. He didn’t own a bathtub sadly, just a small shower, which had a seat at least. 

Aoi stripped off his clothes, when his bare feet touched the cold tile in the shower, he sneezed softly. “Damn, think I caught a cold or something.”  

Uruha had already stepped into the shower, holding Aoi tightly, “I’ll take care of you.” He mumbled deliriously, Aoi only nodded as he kissed him, turning on the water. Aoi couldn’t take what the dancer was saying too seriously, he snuggled up against Uruha’s bony chest, and enjoyed the hot stream massaging his shoulders. 

He felt how Uruha started washing his hair, massaging his scalp with his skilled fingers, and grabbing more shampoo from the shower caddy.  

Aoi tried to relax. He loved how Uruha’s wet body felt. Whenever they had exchanged real affection and intimacy before, water had been involved for some reason. 

Maybe it was their subconscious wish to get clean after all. 

“I’ll take care of you,” Uruha whispered again as his fingers softly ran down Aoi’s hair. Aoi couldn’t deny he felt relaxed, regardless of the circumstances, he enjoyed the way Uruha’s touch felt. Sometimes Aoi wished their lives weren’t fucked up, that drugs weren’t the main culprit in everything that went wrong.  

Drugs and money had become his downfall. Ever since getting involved in the underground world, Aoi had lost a bit of himself. However, whenever he was with Uruha, he felt complete. Uruha reminded him of all the good aspects of life, of the happy and precious moments that were still very much part of life. Aoi felt conflicted, he wasn’t sure if he felt genuinely happy or if he was way in over his head. Uruha yearned for affection, Aoi knew this. But what did Aoi long for? He wanted something from the dancer, and he was trying to figure out what. But more than anything, he just wanted to give him what he never had. Aoi had a good heart, it was full of something that vaguely resembled love, but it was love nevertheless, no matter how much he didn’t believe in it or tried to deny it. He had always found it difficult to find the right person to give his affection and attention to, but now things were crystal clear. Or were they? 

Uruha’s head rested against his shoulder, his body going limp as the water fell down their bodies. Aoi gently caressed him, his face nuzzling against Uruha’s wet hair. He could still smell the ocean on him, and it only reminded him of the day they had shared. It had been a fairytale, of that Aoi was sure. Life had been too perfect in those hours, too surreal.  

Uruha had been everything to him in that moment. Aoi felt like he could feel whole again, but as each moment passed, the memory faded more and more. Was it fantasy? 

“Aoi...” Uruha breathed out, his voice raspy and low, “I’m so scared, I’m so scared of everything. I’m scared...” Aoi just held him tighter, not entirely sure what he meant by that, but he had a faint idea. Aoi kissed his forehead lovingly, his eyes closing momentarily as he cupped his face and kissed Uruha hard. 

“It’s okay, baby, I’m here for you,” Aoi murmured, rubbing his thumb against the dancer’s full lips. “I’m here.” 

Uruha started crying, long tears streaming down his face effortlessly. Aoi was sure that wasn’t moisture from the shower, he gently ran his thumb down Uruha’s cheek, subconsciously trying to remove the moisture, thought it was pointless, his heart kept shaking in his cage. That felt like something else moved inside him, what he felt for Uruha didn't have anything to do with the drugs in his system. 

It was the second time Aoi saw Uruha breaking down. This time, drugs were more likely involved than the last time, but seeing a person who usually kept up a distanced and cool attitude around everybody, being in tears and completely vulnerable, made Aoi believed that Uruha was suffering a lot. 

“It’s okay. You’ll be okay. We’ll be okay. Alright?”  Aoi tried looking into his eyes, but Uruha kept hiding his face against his shoulder. He kept onto holding him for a while, hand rubbing his back affectionately. 

When Uruha seemed to have calmed down, Aoi took a sponge and a piece of soap and started spreading the product over Uruha’s body. Aoi scrubbed at every part that he could reach. Kneeling down, rubbing the sponge over Uruha’s soles, his calves, over his thighs, and back. The act was innocent, Aoi felt more worried than anything else, more _adoring._  

Standing up, he gently washed over Uruha’s chest and his shoulders, making him sit down on the little seat in his shower before rinsing everything off. Uruha’s body had seemed to have lost all its strength, he sat down, barely able keep straight. 

Aoi turned off the water, and stepped out of the shower to get a big towel, which he wrapped Uruha into before walking him out. Grabbing a towel himself before leaving the bathroom, he brought Uruha back to his bed before tenderly dabbing him dry. 

“Maybe it’s just fair. You take care of me when my high goes bad and I take care of you if your hand slips a little too much.” Aoi wrapped the towel tighter around him, Uruha’s naked body shivered slightly.  

“I’ll get you anything you want. Any substitute. Any amount. MDMA, methadone, Bupropion, whatever you like. But no more crystal okay?” Aoi held onto him protectively, Uruha could only nod as he sobbed softly against Aoi’s body. 

If it were up to him, Uruha would never touch another drug in his life. Aoi would grab everything he dealt with and toss it into the trash, he’d trade it all for a stairway to heaven. With Uruha by his side. 


	7. Pretty When You Cry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brief description of rape. Proceed with caution.

Uruha’s high had turned into a low faster than it usually had, the effects of the drug turning him into the ghost of who he used to be. Back when he was a hardcore user, he’d go through those extreme highs and then he’d crash, much like he was doing now; but in the past he’d crash much later, sometimes even days later. The dancer had tried to quit, as crystal became too expensive, he tried other drugs but nothing could make him feel the way the methamphetamine did. Uruha felt broken down now as he lay in Aoi’s arms, the world didn’t exist when they had each other. It was comforting in their fucked-up world. Uruha felt like at times he was dragging Aoi down with him, he felt like his life was headed for a dead end and Aoi didn’t need to be pulled down too.   
 

“Okay...” Uruha whispered, “I’ll come to you if I need anything, always.” He felt Aoi’s lips back on his face, kissing him softly. Aoi wished that Uruha would say that he was willing to quit drugs forever but Aoi knew that day would never come, considering his livelihood. Aoi knew he couldn’t force Uruha to quit but he could offer better alternatives, the drugs he mentioned weren’t good for anyone, but they were less harmful than crystal meth. Aoi sighed loudly, shaking his head and trying to think about something else. Drugs ruled his life, and he didn’t want them to rule whatever he had going on with Uruha.    
 

“Hey Tiger,” Uruha murmured, turning his head and bumping his nose lightly against Aoi’s. “Have...Have you ever been in love?” Aoi felt a shiver run down his spine at the bold question. Had he ever been _in_ love? Aoi had lived a lot, had experienced more than the average person, he had met some of the most beautiful people in the world, men and women who had blown his mind in more ways than one. Aoi couldn’t remember ever being in love though, what did love even feel like? He swallowed hard when he thought about the ways Uruha made him feel, did those feelings mirror true love? Perhaps.  
 

“Love? Hm, I guess, perhaps in my youth,” Aoi could sense that Uruha was onto something, and he felt scared of it. The dancer gave him a questioning look with his tired yet sparkling eyes. “It’s been so long. When I had just turned sixteen, I did a lot of things for a senior guy from my school that I liked. One day, my dad found us kissing in the kitchen of our house. He kicked me out,” Aoi couldn’t help but grimace, “It was during the winter months too, and the idiot I was, I thought it was cool to be homeless, I thought this guy would run away with me. That kind of hope kept me warm in the winter, when I didn’t have a place to sleep at night. Of course, he ended up dumping me. He didn’t want to go anywhere with me.” Aoi laughed bitterly. He wasn’t sure if it had been real love, but it had been pure, purer than the instances he found himself in later in life. Aoi had been young, still had too much hope in his heart, life hadn’t stomped on him; until he had lost everything. And now, he was starting to feel like he had something worth fighting for.   
 

It wasn’t the full story, but Uruha seemed to be so low, Aoi didn’t want to bother him with the sad stories of his broken hearts. Aoi repeatedly stroked over Uruha’s head. He wasn’t the dancer that had swept Aoi off his feet, or the man that Aoi had shared more with than anyone in his life. He wanted Uruha back, normal and healthy. Aoi wanted to spend the rest of his days protecting him, best he could. When Uruha’s stomach growled again, Aoi pulled himself together, and decided to get food.    
 

“Wait for me okay? I’m going to go grocery shopping. I’ll be right back. Stay here?” Uruha nodded weakly as he rested his head against the pillows on the mattress. Aoi grabbed some cash from the table and his keys, and while he was at it he took the syringe and the rest of the meth with him. He knew exactly what people who liked crystal did when they were left alone. He just hoped Uruha’s crash was bad enough for him to not do anything, but stay in bed.   
 

As Aoi left the apartment, he dropped the syringe carelessly in the trashcan beside his building. He had to see some of his customers today, and it would be a good time for him to deliver the meth to his client. However, from the moment Aoi saw that Uruha had done meth again, he wanted to get rid of the remaining crystals he still had in his possession, he didn’t want to be responsible for it being in Uruha’s reach. He couldn’t get more of it as long as Uruha was around him. The guilt kept eating him alive, Aoi’s thoughts were running incessantly. Perhaps he could have one of his friends to do it in future. It had never been this difficult to do his job in the past, but things were changing. _Everything_ was changing.   
 

Aoi walked to the bigger supermarket in his district and got all kinds of assorted food; mostly sugary sodas and snacks, because he knew anyone with a crash, especially meth addicts, liked sweets. Junk food would keep their blood sugar up and were always easy and accessible energy. For later, he also got them already made chicken bentos. Aoi wished he could’ve cooked something for Uruha, but he didn’t have a pot or a decent kitchen knife. He paid, and hurried to get home, hoping to not find another disaster in his apartment.   
 

Uruha had sat in silence while he waited for Aoi to come back home. He let what Aoi had told him sink in, his heart breaking as he imagined what life must have been like for Aoi to not have a home, simply because he liked the same sex. Uruha had been mocked his whole life, because people would always assume he was gay, it was true, but he kept it all under wraps. He had parents that wouldn’t have kicked him out simply because they weren’t around, so he just bottled everything up inside. He promised himself to wait until he moved to Tokyo to lose his virginity, in the hopes of meeting someone that would change his life and show him the true meaning of love. But what had happened at the beginning of his stripper career changed Uruha for all the years to come.    
 

When he was 19 and still working in one of the clubs in Shinjuku, Uruha had made acquaintances with a few of his regulars, people that would come during the late nights to chase the loneliness away. One man in particular had grabbed Uruha’s attention, he was young, handsome and charismatic. He would make Uruha feel like he was a person with a story and everything to offer, not something to objectify. He’d visit him almost every night, and Uruha had taken refuge in him. Had found some form of comfort with the other man. He had always paid generously, and Uruha felt like he wanted to offer him more than just a private lap dance. But he wanted to get to know him better, build the courage to speak to him after his shifts.

One late night, the man had come into the club, and the dancer was waiting for him expectantly, his pretty brown eyes immediately lighting up by his presence. But the man had been distant, avoiding Uruha the entire night. Uruha had found it strange, it wasn’t like him to act like that. Pretending like it didn’t bother him, Uruha went about finishing his routine for the evening, still surprised that the man hadn’t approached him all night.  

Uruha went about counting his money, heading towards the dressing room, when out of nowhere he found himself being dragged into the back, towards the private rooms. He tried to scream, but his mouth had been covered with a cloth. Uruha’s vision had gone blurry, his body tumbling over against the cold hard floor. The only moments he could briefly remember were him being pinned there against the floor, a hand over his mouth as his outfit had been yanked off, and hard flesh entered his body forcefully. Uruha shut his eyes tightly, the pain had dissipated, and numbness took over as the man took what didn’t belong to him from Uruha’s unwilling body. After he finished taking every ounce of innocence from the dancer, he left. Uruha sat on cold ground, clutching his knees as he cried. He felt numb from the waist down, though the pain in his chest only grew minute by minute. Everything had been a blur, but he remembered the pain and the man’s face vividly. After what happened that night, he never saw him again. 

“Uruha! I’m home!!” Aoi exclaimed after pulling the key out of the lock. A very, hairy thing on the ground of his stomach purred delightfully at the thought of Uruha being at home, waiting for him. It was such a simple phrase people used in their regular lives, and Aoi had never had the pleasure of having it be a part of his life. But then again, nothing about his life was even remotely regular. He smiled sadly at himself at longing for something like that.   
 

Those painful memories flashed before his eyes and Uruha started crying again. He quickly wiped his tears away as he heard the door being opened. Aoi’s voice ringing through the apartment. “Hey Tiger.” Uruha called out, his voice still groggy. He tried standing up, but his body felt too tired. Aoi walked over to him, leaning down to press a soft kiss on Uruha’s lips. He held his face for a long moment, examining him in a way to make sure he was alright. Uruha felt safe around Aoi, felt like he could trust him with anything, as foolish as that thought was. Uruha never stopped seeing the good in people, he wanted to believe that good things still existed.    
 

Aoi kissed the top of his head and then walked into the kitchen, pulling out the items he had bought for them to eat. Uruha’s stomach growled again, it had been too long since he had eaten anything and the drug was still making its rounds through his body. But at least his appetite was back.    
 

Aoi was sure Uruha had cried in the time he was gone. His face was puffy, and his eyes were even redder than before. Hearing his voice greet him still made Aoi feel the domestic feeling he didn’t want to let go of, and it felt as if it mattered that he came back. He thought about asking what was wrong; on the other hand, on a crash, most people didn’t need a reason to cry. For the sake of not making him cry again by forcing him to talk, Aoi decided to not ask anything.  
 

“I bought us pudding,” Aoi smiled. He teared open a little cup of vanilla pudding, and spooned out a piece. “Say ‘Ah!” Uruha tried to contain a weak smile as he opened his mouth. His open lips, his little teeth and his small eyes made him look like a baby bird. He kept feeding Uruha the rest of the pudding, stealing a spoonful for himself here and there. Aoi just prayed that Uruha’s stomach would obey and not make him purge. 

Uruha felt a bit of his innocence returning as Aoi fed him, the gesture was playful and tender and Uruha felt happy for those fleeting moments. His mind could only focus on Aoi and the way he was so attentive towards him. They had shared so many intimate moments, and the one they were sharing now seemed to be the most intimate.   
 

Aoi excused himself to make some tea, thankfully a kettle was one of the many kitchen tools that he owned, he grabbed two cups whilst sharing a banana with Uruha. He crossed his legs on his bed and urged Uruha to put his head against his lap, his fingers began lightly threading through soft locks of damp blonde hair.    
 

“You still haven’t told me your real name,” Aoi murmured softly while massaging the dancer’s scalp. He hadn’t ever felt the need to ask, they both had names that they preferred, but Aoi still yearned to know Uruha’s birth name. “My mom named me Yuu. After my father kicked me out, I became Aoi.”    
 

Uruha relaxed against Aoi’s touch, the way he was playing with his hair started lulling him to sleep. But the sudden question had his eyes opening softly.    
 

“Yuu...so beautiful.” Uruha whispered Aoi’s real name, letting it sit at the tip of his tongue. Aoi gently caressed Uruha’s face, loving how his name sounded in that husky voice. “My mother named me Kouyou. But I never thought that it suited me, so I started to go by Uruha when I moved to Tokyo. Now that’s the name I relate to the most.” Uruha’s lips formed that adorable pout that Aoi loved, but the way his lips were pouting was because he had let a little bit of his past come to visit. Memories from his childhood flooded his mind and suddenly he remembered what it was like to be that lanky kid that no one really liked. The one that sat by himself during lunch, when his best friend wasn’t around to protect him, and would always sit in a corner during playtime. Aoi pulled Uruha up gently so he could kiss his lips, his thumb lightly running down his bottom lip. Uruha smiled weakly, feeling how he had never felt before in someone’s arms. 

“Kouyou,” Aoi smiled softly. “Yeah, Kouyou is not a stripper that does drugs and sleeps during the daytime. Kouyou is a lazy student with sleepy eyes,” Aoi smirked, stealing another kiss, “I can see Kouyou in you, nevertheless.” He smiled against their connected mouths, his nerves vanishing completely as Uruha relaxed in his arms   
 

“I love you...” Uruha whispered, so low Aoi almost didn’t hear him. A rush of adrenaline and delirium had made those words slip from Uruha's full lips, yet it had felt good to let it out.   
 

Aoi felt like his ears were deceiving him, did he hear Uruha correctly? The look on the blonde’s face confirmed his speculation. He had whispered those little words, and goosebumps ran all over Aoi’s body. Never had Aoi expected to hear that. He needed a few moments to let it sink in and make sure that he wasn’t dreaming, and Uruha didn’t hallucinate. A dam broke inside Aoi’s heart.   
 

He pulled Uruha into a kiss again.  When their lips parted, he leaned his forehead against Uruha’s. “I guess...I feel the same for you...” Aoi’s heart was racing like crazy.    
 

“But I can’t protect you, even if I try. I can’t protect you in the way that I want to.” He said it. He had carried those feelings around inside him ever since he had first seen Uruha. They had known each other for approximately a month and still, Aoi had felt all of this since the first night they had met.   
 

“Being with you is the most important thing in my life right now. But please give me some time to get my shit together, until I can say it to you just like you said it to me.”   
 

Aoi felt so scared. Perhaps Uruha had just hallucinated? Or maybe he was just unable to handle the meth? Aoi didn’t know how much meth Uruha had injected.   
 

Aoi was afraid that Uruha wasn't being serious. He felt like he was too hard to love, and a confession like that felt extremely difficult to grasp and believe for someone like Aoi. People claiming to have feelings for him had always made him feel paranoid, simply because he couldn’t believe it.    
 

Uruha felt his heart sinking to the bottom of his chest, he knew what had just said was tricky and perhaps a little foolish, but he meant it. Uruha felt complete with Aoi, he felt like he could give this man his whole heart and perhaps that had always been Uruha’s downfall. He fell too easily, he craved love and affection more than anything and when someone gave it to him, he felt like he had it all. But Aoi had been different, his feelings for him towered anything he had ever felt for anyone and perhaps he was a fool for letting someone steal his heart so soon, but he wouldn’t have it any other way. Uruha believed that his feelings for Aoi were pure and true. Even when no aspect of his life was, what he felt for the other man was real. Perhaps his feelings had been amplified thanks for the drugs, but maybe he had just needed that extra push. He was tired of always hiding his true emotions, the drugs always gave him the courage he didn’t naturally possess.    
 

“I don’t want you to protect me,” Uruha murmured, “I can protect myself.” It wasn’t true, he couldn’t. He had always been a damsel in distress and he wasn’t going to stop, he never believed that he could. Maybe Uruha didn’t want to hear that Aoi loved him back, maybe he just needed to let it out. After Aoi had admitted that he needed time to process everything, Uruha felt something akin to desperation inside of him. God, he didn’t expect Aoi to feel the same, but he wanted something. Uruha was never good at this sort of thing, he was so scared of Aoi misinterpreting what he had meant to say. Uruha just had too much bottling up inside of him.    
 

“I-I need air,” Uruha sat up, nearly tripping on his own feet as he tried to walk towards the door. He was still so exhausted; his body not back up to its full potential. He was feeling suffocated, overwhelmed. What had Uruha just done?   
 

“Wait!” Aoi jumped after him and grabbed his wrist. “Uruha, I didn’t reject you! I didn’t, do you hear me?” He felt like he was about to topple over, Aoi tried to pull himself together, even if everything inside of him was ripping apart.   
 

“You see - you were about to leave my place in the condition you’re in, and I feel like I have to protect you. It’s my fault you did meth again. It’s my fault you’re exhausted and your body is on the edge of collapsing. My lifestyle, my “job”, and my darkness are those things that can harm you, do you understand me?”   
 

Aoi pulled Uruha into his arms, on the verge of crying.   
 

“Look, I’ve never learned to handle feelings like love. Hell, I’ve never been in a real relationship. I don’t think I’ve ever truly been in love. Please just...stay here with me. Do not run away from this moment, or from me.”   
 

Aoi noticed he had come through to him, he felt relieved when Uruha allowed him to sit him down on the bed again. Tears were cascading down Uruha’s pale cheeks again. He started shivering uncontrollably, and Aoi wasn’t sure what to do, he was so scared of doing the wrong thing or losing control over this situation. Aoi remembered moments when he had been close to getting shot, when he was so high that he was sure he wouldn’t survive, but nothing had terrified him quite like this. His heart was aching and he was running out of things to day, on how to fix the situation. He just embraced Uruha tightly and they stayed silent for a long moment.   
 

“You are so sweet to me, it’s hard to believe that I deserve you, you know,” Aoi held the dancer by his shoulders and kissed away the remaining tears. “You’re pretty when you cry, even then. Every time I’ve slept next to you, every time we were together I expected you to disappear at some point...just like everybody else in my life has done. But you didn’t. And now you’ve told me this, and you want to disappear? Please don’t do this to me.” Aoi swallowed thickly, thinking hard about what he was going to say. And like a waterfall...  
 

 _“I love you.”_  
 

Aoi’s breathing became labored, he felt hot and cold at the same time, he was close to tears himself. “I love you more than all those bitches before. But I’m scared. It all happened so fast. And you know...I’m no good for you.” Aoi felt a mixture of relief and anxiety overwhelm his senses, saying that to Uruha felt like he was finally making a decision for himself.   
 

Uruha could only listen to Aoi and everything that had spilled out. He was speechless. Aoi was opening up to Uruha and baring his soul. The dancer could only cry, his eyes sore from how much he had been previously crying.    
 

“I’ve never known what’s good for me, and I don’t care to know,” Uruha’s voice had stopped shaking, but his body was still shivering slightly, “I am scared of my feelings, I am scared to open myself up only to get hurt again. I know though, I know you’d never hurt me. Something pulls at my heart strings and tells me that you’re a genuine man. But Aoi, I am so scared of losing you. And at times I just don’t know what to do with myself, with these intense emotions.”   
 

Aoi listened intently, his eyes watering.    
 

“I wasn’t lying when I said I love you, I do, so much. I don’t want to leave you, fuck the way we live, fuck our jobs, I want you,” Uruha gently grabbed Aoi’s hands, holding them tenderly. “I’ve lived my life in fear, I am still afraid, but when I’m with you, that fear disappears,” Uruha kissed Aoi’s lips lovingly, his eyes watering from how intense his feelings were in that moment, “You deserve all of me, Tiger.”    
 

Aoi let himself go and tears immediately streamed down his face, his heart beating loudly in his ribcage. He felt such strong feelings towards Uruha, that was undeniable.    
 

“I’m so sorry about everything, Aoi.” Uruha whispered against his lips, Aoi just kissed him harder. 

"Sh, nothing to be sorry about," Aoi murmured against Uruha's mouth, "I'm always going to be by your side."   
 

They were in this together now, their feelings had been exposed and there was no running away now. Aoi had been scared of loving someone, had always feared the worst when it came to feelings. But he felt the strongest pull to the man in his arms, it had been fate. Uruha had been the only person who could pull all of this from Aoi, it had been overwhelming. But Aoi could only be thankful now. He kissed Uruha’s forehead, holding him close, there was no way he’d ever let him walk away from him.    
 

Aoi rested his face against Uruha’s neck, letting everything sink in. He needed a moment. Silence surrounded them, but it wasn’t uncomfortable at all - Aoi finally felt how his body started to relax fully.   
 

“Uruha, from tomorrow on, I will sell the last stuff I got here. I will explain to everyone that works with me that I won’t take any new customers or deliveries. Give me ten days. I will update you on how everything is going as often as I can. But please do not contact me by phone. The less contact you have with me via phone the safer we’ll both stay. I can’t tell how dangerous this could become, but you know as good as I, that people who are in contact with the Yakuza are being watched by way too many eyes. When I’m done, let’s find another place to live. Money won’t be an issue for some months, we’ll find a solution. I want to leave all of this behind.”   
 

Uruha felt like he was floating on cloud nine with Aoi, nothing could stop them now. He felt relieved when Aoi explained what he planned to do. Uruha didn’t want Aoi to feel tied down to him, he didn’t have to leave everything behind for his sake, but getting out of the dangerous underground world would be beneficial for Aoi. Uruha couldn’t imagine what could happen if Aoi stayed in that world, he would never be safe and that tore Uruha apart.    
 

“Aoi, are you positive that you want to do this?” Uruha looked at Aoi sternly, wanting to make sure he knew what he was doing. Aoi leaned forward, kissing him softly and most importantly, possessively.  

“Yes, Uru,” Aoi smiled, holding the dancer against him, “I’ve never been more certain about anything in my life.” Aoi was tired of the lifestyle he led, the constant demands of the Yakuza, the way he had become addicted to his own supply. A dealer should never touch his supply, but Aoi had broken all the rules.    
 

Uruha started thinking about his job, remembering how he had been MIA for a few days and how his cellphone and phone at home must have had a million voice messages from his boss. He swallowed hard at that, Uruha’s boss was in cahoots with the Yakuza. He was a bastard that didn’t care about his dancers and wouldn’t hesitate on taking the necessary steps to deal with someone, make them disappear. He had threatened Uruha before, but he couldn’t do anything because he was the most loved and popular dancer. So, he kept Angel around, but there would always be a knife pressed against Uruha’s back and his boss wouldn’t have a problem reminding him of that.    
 

“Aoi,” Uruha began softly, “I want to leave too. I want out. But I have to go home, I’ve been away for too long and people are probably wondering where I am. I’m positive that I work today and I don’t want to continue pissing my boss off.” Uruha’s tone was full of worry, but Aoi didn’t know that Uruha’s boss had been threatening him, that part, Uruha kept to himself.    
 

“I know I can’t contact you, but I need to see you soon,” Uruha started looking for his clothes, trying to get himself together, the drug had made its rounds and now Uruha craved something else. He could feel himself shaking, wanting a bit of something else. “I love you, Aoi.” 

Aoi sighed, concerned about Uruha’s desire to leave. But it wasn’t his place to ask or demand anything. He knew he could trust Uruha, could trust him to do what he needed to do. Aoi wished he could just take him away from everything, he needed to. “I love you, Uruha, so fucking much.” 


	8. We're the captains of our own soul

_“If not now, when?”_ Aoi thought to himself, his mind screamed at him to be more persistent, but he didn’t want to scare him. He knew things were moving fast, but Aoi was sure he wanted out, if fate existed, this was the courage he needed. He was scared, he knew it wouldn’t be easy to quit. 

He knew too much. 

Too many people, too many places, too many _secrets._

“I understand you need to go, but please eat something, I’ll drive you to your place, you don’t have to worry about that.” Aoi handed him the bento he bought, and finished his own quickly.  

They finished getting ready, Aoi had put Uruha’s dried clothes from the day prior into a bag, and they walked outside towards his car.  

Aoi stayed mostly silent during their drive. Gently, he placed his hand on Uruha’s knee. 

“I trust you. Please take care of yourself. I’ll drop by your place as soon as I can.”  

Aoi’s stomach was full of butterflies - he and Uruha were dating. They were a couple now. He was really about to discover what true love felt like. What it entailed, the good and the bad...

But Aoi’s heart remained full of worries. Uruha still looked physically exhausted, the dark shadows under his eyes and his extra pale skin made him look nearly transparent. And every time he would leave for work from now on, Aoi would have to pray that no customer would harass Uruha, or would want to see him in the private rooms. He finally understood how jealous he had been from the very beginning; Aoi wanted to claim the dancer as his own, in every shape and form.

Now that they had decided what they needed and wanted from each other, it all felt right with them. Aoi knew that from Uruha’s end, he had nothing to worry about. 

Once they reached Uruha’s apartment building, they kissed their goodbyes tenderly. _Lovingly._

“If any guy wants to get a lap dance, tell him you have a boyfriend!” Aoi chuckled, but he was beyond serious, the thought alone had his stomach churning uncomfortably. He opened the passenger door for Uruha, and kissed him once more. “I love you.” 

“I love you, Aoi.” Uruha smiled sheepishly, he waved as Aoi turned the car around, and made his way back home, to get everything he wanted to get rid of that day.  

Uruha rushed up the elevator towards his apartment. He was so exhausted, he had no energy left to climb up the stairs. He was dreading entering his place and discovering that he had a million missed calls from his boss, he wished that his boss could just drop dead.  

Once inside the comfort of his home, Uruha looked at the answering machine and clicked the button. _You have 1 voicemail,_ the automated voice said. “This is the only warning I’m giving you, if you don’t show up for work tonight, you will face the consequences.” _Click._ It was him, of course... 

Uruha’s heart started beating erratically. His boss knew where he lived, he wasn’t safe in his own home. Uruha started panicking, he couldn’t keep hiding out with Aoi, he was sure his boss would send someone out to look for him and then he’d be dragging Aoi along and endangering his life as well. There was no use in hiding anymore, he had to face the ugly consequences.

Uruha rushed into the bathroom, taking a quick shower and then slapping some makeup on and doing his hair. He tried to get ready in under half an hour, considering it was already late in the day. He knew his shift had already started, but he was going to show up; even if he felt instead like dying. Uruha slipped on a skimpy outfit, a new pair of fishnets and then threw on his coat. He headed out, nearly tripping on the hard concrete, the drug was still very much in his system and Uruha had been craving more since he had left Aoi’s apartment. Though he hadn’t divulged that information, he knew he couldn’t get more, because then he'd be lying to Aoi, and it was for the best anyway. But fuck, he wanted another hit.  

Stepping into the crowded club, Uruha quickly made his way towards the back where the dressing rooms were. All the usual dancers were getting changed, or counting money. Uruha could feel his energy dropping by the second as he hung his coat up and looked at himself in the mirror, he had tried his best to cover up the dark circles and broken capillaries on his face, but he still looked lifeless.  

“Angel!” That voice felt like poison in his veins as it called Uruha’s stage name out, he turned around and was faced with his seething boss.  

“Nice of you to finally show your face.” His smile was mocking, and Uruha felt like throwing up right there and then.  

“You better get on that fucking stage and do what you do best. It’s all you’re worth.” Uruha wanted to slap the man across his face, wanted to kill him, actually. But he had no other choice, he had to muster all the strength left in him and do it. Dancing would get him the money he needed, it wasn’t ideal, but it was a necessity. Anything to help himself and Aoi leave the toxicity of their everyday lives. 

*** 

The first thing Aoi did was visit all the clients that had contacted him during his absence. Some of them had been in a pretty bad mood, their addictions didn’t know patience. 

It had been a while since Aoi had worked that much in such a short amount of time; seeing many of his customers at once, a few of them pissed since he had made them wait so long. But most didn’t ask any more questions as soon as their precious drugs were back in veins. 

The thought of seeing Uruha again kept Aoi going through the grueling exchanges. He could feel how his body longed for the white powder too, every time it went from his hands to someone else's, he yearned for it more and more.

While waiting in his car for the last guy to come, he lit up a joint to calm the incessant anxiety, it usually helped. But he still had to take care of his two other fake identities; two bank accounts and his motorcycle. They were all signed on fake names. 

Suddenly someone opened his car door. It was a salaryman, who worked so much that only cocaine kept him going. He discussed with Aoi, his wish to quit for a good, Aoi had to promise the man to give him another contact. This was the least of his worries. Aoi didn’t have the guts yet to meet the men who were higher up in the hierarchy to explain his situation. Aoi had too many things racing in his brain, he felt overwhelmed, ready to throw it all away and undo the delicate webs he had weaved. But he had to keep his composure for Uruha, he needed to do it to secure a future for them. Aoi would do anything if it meant keeping his angel in his life permanently. 

*** 

Uruha had swallowed his pride and danced on stage as he was threatened to do. The music he had chosen for his routines were songs full of rage and hatred. Uruha stared into space as he danced, wishing the blackness of the stage would swallow him, his body remained elegant and sensual as it moved against the metal pole in the middle of the stage. His usual customers but one, were already there, their money itching to be placed against the tiny leather skirt Uruha wore. He accepted the money as he always did, his face seemingly happy and enjoying the attention. He moved around on all fours, cat like, dominating the stage. When Uruha became Angel, he became someone else, he took all of his anger and frustration and placed it in the fake persona he had created. It had become a sort of refuge, because when Uruha was Angel, he was _fearless._  

The night was coming to an end and Uruha had finished up his final routine for the evening, he sat on one of the chairs in the back, his legs crossed and a large sum of money sprawled on the table. He counted it all carefully, the same routine as always.  

“Angel,” Uruha heard his boss call out to him, Uruha rolled his eyes heavenward and then turned to him, a catty smile on his face, but before he could answer his boss began speaking, “I’d like you to meet someone, come with me.” Uruha gathered all the loose money and carefully wrapped a rubber band around it, quickly placing it in his locker. He went out, back towards the main area of the club, seeing how his boss was now beside another man. A very handsome man at that, Uruha couldn’t help but notice.  

“Angel, this fine gentleman has been asking about you, but hasn’t had the luck to catch you,” his boss began, a malicious smirk on his lips, “I think you should give him a little something for his troubles.” Uruha knew what that meant, his heart started racing, a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead. The man had paid a pretty penny for Uruha's time, he was sure. But he couldn't argue, only let a forced smile spread across his face. Uruha felt like he was on autopilot as the man gently took his hand, guiding him towards the private rooms. The word  _“Paradise”_   was on the door where he had led Aoi through not too long ago, and Uruha could feel his anxiety flaring as he thought of Aoi, god how much he wanted him right now, he _needed_ him.  

Uruha had reluctantly followed the man into the room, knowing the dance by memory now as he told the man to sit down on the large red velvet couch. He placed the most perfect and believable smirk on his face as he straddled the man’s hips, moving slightly against him. “I can take you to your own private paradise...” Uruha, now Angel, whispered against his ear. He could feel a shiver running down his spine as he remembered Aoi, how he had said those exact words to him. The man beneath him brought him back to reality as he squeezed Uruha’s ass hard, pressing him harder against him. Uruha’s skin rubbed against the material of the man’s suit, his eyes closing and wishing he could be anywhere but there.  

“How about you tell me what’s paradise for you?” The man groaned, his voice husky and making Uruha slightly shiver. He watched as the man dug around in his pocket, pulling out a small metal container. Uruha immediately knew what it was, watching as the man opened the box and pulled out a small silver spoon. He scooped up the wicked white powder, and let Uruha snort it first. The dancer looked puzzled for a second, but didn’t hesitate as he took the bump of coke, he had been dying for a hit of something. “It’s a fresh batch, I knew you’d like it.” The man smirked, filling up the small spoon and snorting some himself. Uruha quickly understood that the man was probably involved in the same way Aoi was, he could be one of his boys for all he knew. Uruha started thinking about Aoi again, wishing he was the man beneath him.  

“I’ve had better.” Uruha whispered, moving his hips harder on the man, and continuing his lap dance. He always played the part perfectly, years of experience and years of faking, had been how Uruha mostly kept himself safe. But inside he had been ripped apart, mending the edges together had seemed like an impossible task, that is, until Uruha met his raven-haired lover. The only sanity left in his chaos.

Uruha finished the private dance for the mystery man, no happy ending or anything, thankfully; he just needed to get out of there. The man he suspected to be a drug dealer hadn’t cared as he was able to touch and grope Uruha’s body anyway he wanted. He got what he needed and slipped the money against Uruha’s skirt, satisfied, like any customer Angel ever had.  

When the clock struck midnight, Aoi approached the place where he was supposed to meet one of his boys. The night had become foggy and cold, quintessential weather for making and breaking deals. 

He wanted to see him in order to give him the contacts of the customers he had met for the last time. Aoi was nervous. His other friends didn’t know anything about his plans; they’d most likely be shocked when they heard what he was about to do and why. He got out of his car and leaned against the door while lighting up a cigarette.  

A dark silhouette came closer. 

They greeted each other like the old friends they were. 

“Hey,” Aoi began, “I wanted to give you some customers of mine.” 

“How come?” His friend gave him a surprised look. 

“I got a lot of things going on at the moment. Eventually I’ll quit.” Aoi took a long drag, his eyes darting to every corner. 

“What does Takumi think about that?” 

Takumi was the middle man between the cartel in Colombia and the Yakuza. In a way, he was Aoi’s boss. He had given him his territory, his contacts and had helped him with his fake IDs. Takumi had taken Aoi under his wing, and admired the work that went into what he did. Aoi was one of his best distributors.  

“He doesn’t know yet.” 

“I see,” His friend shot him a look that told Aoi that he’d better know what he was getting himself into, “Thanks for the contacts. You know where you can find me.” 

Aoi just nodded and got back into his car. Something about their talk had been off. No discussions, no emotions, even though they both had gone through a lot of things together before. Aoi was surprised that his friend hadn’t inquired more, in the end he paid no attention to it. Things were better left unsaid. 

Aoi decided to pick up Uruha from his shift and drive him home. He couldn’t wait to see him, being with his lover was the only distraction in Aoi’s life that helped him. It was more than that, he felt like everything in his life was right when he was with Uruha. He parked at a telephone booth, threw in a coin and dialed the number from the little note he still kept with him at all times.  

Uruha didn’t pick up his phone. 

Had he finished yet? 

Aoi waited a few minutes before he dialed again.  

Nothing. 

The worried feeling in his stomach grew stronger. Aoi shook his head. None of all that was a reason to worry or feel bad; his friend and ex-partner had taken him seriously, and Uruha was probably just changing or not close to his cellphone.  

He would just drive by and wait until the dancer left the club to pick him up. Absolutely nothing to worry about.

***

Uruha had finished counting his money and was about to go to the dressing rooms to grab his bag and coat, when he felt a hand on his arm, he looked up and saw his former regular customer, the one that had gotten into the altercation with Aoi...and was definitely responsible for Aoi’s beating.  

Uruha has about to yank his arm away when the man grabbed him forcefully. Pulling him towards the back door. “What the fuck is your problem? Let me go asshole!!”  

As Aoi parked in the yard behind the club, the backdoor flew open and Uruha stumbled out of it, his arms up in defense. 

Aoi smashed the door of his car and ran towards him. “What the hell is going on, are you okay?” 

He immediately met the eyes of the guy who was responsible for both of his black eyes. Aoi breathed slowly in, and out again. He was trying as hard as he could to not lose his temper, his nerves felt wrecked, and seeing the same piece of shit that had touched Uruha the last time, harassing him again made Aoi almost forget to keep his sanity; the wounds and black eyes had healed, but Aoi couldn’t forget what that man had been responsible for. 

“Uruha, come on,” He tried to keep his voice as calm as possible, but he couldn’t hide the threatening undertone entirely. “Let’s get out of here.” Aoi only looked at Uruha, grabbing his hand and urging him to go to the car, completely ignoring the other man.  

“Almost couldn’t recognize you without your face smashed against the ground.” The man spat out with a vicious smile on his face. 

Aoi groaned without looking at him, he wanted to beat the living hell out of him. But Aoi couldn’t risk getting involved with the police under assault charges. He was trying to leave everything behind, he didn’t want anything trailing after him. 

“The car is ready.” He looked at Uruha, silently telling him that he had the situation under control. 

Aggressively, the man bumped into Aoi’s shoulder while walking back towards the door of the club. “Get the fuck out of here, if you know what’s good for you,” The man grunted, “And take your little whore with you.” That was it, Aoi was about to charge towards him, ready to bash his fucking face in, but Uruha pulled him back just in time. 

“Aoi, Aoi, hey, Aoi,” Uruha held onto his lover’s arms, holding him back with worry painted allover his pretty face, “He’s not worth it, please, Aoi.” 

Both of them knew it wouldn’t do them any good to cause trouble now, and Aoi was sober enough to avoid said trouble. His blood boiled and pumped through his body angrily, he wanted to make the man pay for everything. He was a cowardly piece of shit, and if it hadn’t been for Uruha, Aoi would’ve killed him, without a doubt. 

Aoi gently wrapped an arm around the taller man’s slender waist and helped him get into his car. Both of them were too tensed up to notice Uruha’s former client watching them. His eyes narrowed dangerously. 

Once they were safely back in Aoi’s car, Uruha took a deep breath. His heart beat trying to calm down.  

“What did he do to you?” Aoi murmured while starting the engine and stroking over Uruha’s thigh. “I swear, I’ll fucking murder him if he touched you!” He slammed his hands on the steering wheel and drove his car out backwards.  

“Aoi,” Uruha felt himself finally calming down as they drove away from the club, he grabbed Aoi’s hand and held it tight, so relieved to finally have him back. “He didn’t do anything, but he could have, if you hadn’t shown up.” Aoi brought their joint hands up towards his lips, kissing Uruha’s fingers. Wondering what could have happened if Aoi hadn’t shown up terrified Uruha. It had been perfect timing, absolutely perfect. The engine purred softly as Aoi drove the car back onto the main street.  

The cocaine was still very much in Uruha’s bloodstream and he could feel the way it made his heartbeat accelerate. The way he saw Aoi’s eyes flicker with rage had scared him, he was afraid of what could have happened. Aoi’s body language had been defensive and aggressive, and another altercation could have been imminent.  

“I wish I could’ve done something, anything to make him pay for what he did to you.”  

Uruha gently ran his fingers down Aoi’s cheek, feeling the harsh texture of the scars on his skin.

Aoi chuckled lowly, squeezing Uruha’s hand tighter, “Technically...we could. I know enough people who’d do that for me in a heartbeat. But he’s a nasty cowardly piece of shit, he would've never beaten me up that bad if he had been alone. It was his two friends who helped him and you know...three against one, that's just ridiculous. I’m not going to waste my time and energy on parasites like that,” Aoi stroked over Uruha’s thigh again. “I’m glad you’re okay. So far nothing has happened today to me neither...” 

Suddenly, a loud crash resonated along with the sound of shattered glass. With no time to even think about what it could have been, Aoi reacted within milliseconds and hid under the steering wheel, pulling Uruha down as well. He dug around for the gun he kept in the glove compartment of his car, but the car started swerving into the other lanes. Aoi tried to not lose control. 

His rear window was shattered.  

Another gunshot.  

“Stay down!” Aoi barked, speeding up and making the cars around them honk in unison. Aoi decided to not drive to Uruhas’s place for the sake of his safety. Whoever shot at them better not know where he lived. 

Everything happened in a span of seconds, an intense blur of panic and anxiety. Uruha heard the gunshots and the vibrations of the rear windows shattering. He tried to not lose his mind while everything happened.  

Aoi had sped up, driving as fast as he could until he could merge into the highway. He drove and drove, the sounds of angered car horns were blaring and continuous, but he didn’t stop. Uruha still had his head down, his eyes closed and wishing that things could just stop.  

Thankfully, whoever was shooting at them had stopped, either they decided to stop or Aoi had managed to lose them. But there was a chance they were still being followed. 

“Aoi,” Uruha’s meek voice murmured, “Aoi listen to me, I know where we can go, keep going straight and I’ll tell you where to turn.”  

Uruha gently stroked Aoi’s arm, the touch was reassuring and Aoi took a deep breath, trying to calm down a bit so he could drive. It was nearly impossible to calm down when there had been an unknown person shooting at them, but for his and Uruha’s sake, it was better for him to clear his mind.  

After a while longer, Uruha instructed Aoi to take a right into a less crowded part of the city; they had managed to escape the popular spots and now they were in a town that was quieter with more of a traditional atmosphere. “I used to come here when I needed to get away from the congested places in the city, it’s hard to find tranquility amongst so much chaos.” Uruha whispered, trying to keep his composure, and letting Aoi find an empty parking space. There were small coffee shops they could go in to, a lot of quaint places where to hide, but Aoi was still processing everything that had happened. He feared for their safety. 

Aoi’s heart was racing, he was sweating and felt his anxiety and panic drowning him. The whole drive until he finally stopped the engine, hadn’t stop feeling as if someone was following them. Aoi leaned his forehead against Uruha’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry, baby. I wanted to pick you up safely from work, and I get us into a shooting....this is exactly what I was so worried about, you see? This is what I can’t protect you from when I stay in that district, in that job, in the underground. I don’t know why they shot us, but I’ve got enough enemies.” 

Aoi felt like crying, but he tried to pull himself together. 

“What if the bullets hit you the next time? I could never forgive myself.”  

Another time, another escape together. Aoi felt drained from staying up with hardly any sleep, and from the never-ending adrenaline kicks. “I’m sorry Uruha. I love you.” He whispered and grabbed his new leather jacket from the back seat, placing it around Uruha’s shivering body.  

“Who knows what will happen when we return to Tokyo...when is your next shift?”  

“I love you, Aoi,” Uruha murmured, slender fingers holding on to him, like he was the most precious thing in the world. “I don’t know, I don’t care. I don’t want to go back to that place, I fear for m-...” but before Uruha could continue he retracted the last few words, he couldn’t tell Aoi that his boss had threatened him. He could only imagine the things going on inside Aoi’s head, his train of thought, and the last thing he needed right now, was more worrying.  

“I fear that I’ll lose my job,” he added instead, gently stroking Aoi’s hand, “I’ll feel like a failure.”  

“What do you mean failure?” Aoi flinched. He had been to many strip clubs in his life, he had seen and met many dancers, he had met so many interesting and beautiful people in his short life...but 

No one was like Uruha. 

His aura, the masculinity that flowed through waves of femininity within him, he was so graceful with every move - Aoi couldn’t believe that he had met someone like Uruha. 

“I can’t believe that. I mean - I don’t want you in there either, but is there anything else going on? Who is telling you that? Is it because you were absent?” Of course, Aoi felt inevitably worried. Something was odd about Uruha’s story. But Uruha didn’t answer him, only sighed and held the jacket tighter around his frame. 

Aoi sighed deeply, wishing that Uruha could just take his offer and run away with him. Aoi knew that Uruha was attached to his pride, and he would never accept letting Aoi take care of him financially. But there was a change coming, he didn’t know when or where, but when it did, Aoi wanted him and Uruha to be ready for it. 

Things weren’t ever going to be the same.  

After Aoi realized the coast was clear, he turned the engine off and guided him and Uruha towards a small coffee shop, luckily it was open 24/7, so they could have a coffee or something to calm their nerves.  

Uruha blew the steam away from his cup of coffee, his eyes downcast as he sipped slowly. Aoi had tried his best to help cover him up, the leather jacket covered his torso but his legs were very much exposed. Aoi felt frustrated with always being on the run, he didn’t know peace.  

“Aoi,” Uruha’s soothing voice never failed to bring Aoi back down to earth, “We’ll get through this, baby.” 

Aoi tried to smile, for his and Uruha’s sanity. He felt on the verge of collapsing, of giving up. But he had to keep fighting. He held his lover’s hand and nodded, though he couldn’t bring himself to believe it.  

The waitress kept looking at them, even after she had served their coffee, her eyes never left their table. Didn’t happen every day that a man in high heels and a mini skirt sat in her coffee shop, but Aoi felt paranoid. Anyone could’ve followed them. 

“Uruha...let's get some sleep,” Aoi left some cash on their table. “I saw a Ryokan next door.” He made Uruha walk closely behind him, until they had checked in. The receptionist gave then weird looks too, but she didn’t say anything, only gave them a room, two Yukata and said she would serve them breakfast if they wanted; Aoi refused though. Tired, they changed and entered their room. 

“Even if during our time something always gets fucked up, in those moments when I get away with you and when we’re alone like this...that’s how I know something is right.” Aoi felt his cheeks glowing when he saw Uruha adjusting his Yukata belt. He didn’t know how it had been possible, but the dancer looked even more beautiful than normal. The rest of his make-up from work had faded away with the sweat and exertion from their night, leaving only a faint glow on his cheeks, and his slender body in the soft cotton garment did things to Aoi. It took Aoi’s mind elsewhere...perhaps he needed it to go somewhere else. 

“L-Let’s take a nap.” He pushed his Futon closer to Uruha’s.


	9. We don't need no money

Uruha accepted Aoi’s offer for some sleep, it had been awhile since he had felt truly rested and he knew that he could feel safe and sound with Aoi beside him. “It’s always better when we’re together.” Uruha laid down on the futon, adjusting himself on the tatami matted floor. Aoi scooted closer to him, enjoying the familiar body heat. Uruha finally felt like he could take a deep breath, feeling Aoi’s arms around him, the scent he had come to know and love. Uruha wanted so much to forget what had happened earlier. How everything was so fucked up. They were only ever afforded small amounts of peace, and they had to take advantage of them.  

“Hey Tiger,” Uruha’s soft voice filtered through the room. Aoi opened his eyes slightly, kissing the top of Uruha’s head. “I’ve really missed you,” the dancer started moving against Aoi’s body, the sensations rushing straight down to Aoi’s cock. He realized what Uruha meant with that, and he couldn’t deny that he felt the same way. “I miss your touch, the way you taste...” Aoi could feel himself coming to life, his head spinning and too much passion lingering between them. The night had been hectic and Aoi had some pent-up frustrations that he needed to let out.  

Without hesitation, Aoi flipped them over so he was hovering over Uruha’s body. He leant down to kiss those perfect lips, savoring them all while his hands fumbled with the yukata on Uruha’s body. The first feel of bare flesh felt like heaven for Aoi, he had missed the way Uruha’s soft milky skin felt under his rough hands. He hiked Uruha’s thigh up, granting him easier access. Aoi didn’t have much to prepare him with so he moistened two of his fingers best he could, guiding them in between Uruha’s legs. God, it felt incredible to have that tight heat around his digits. Aoi gasped into the dancer’s mouth, swallowing his moans as he continued to move two fingers inside Uruha’s lithe body.  

Aoi covered Uruha’s body in silent kisses. “These walls have ears, so we have to be quiet my baby...” he whispered into Uruha’s ear. Aoi was sure the room beneath the thin paper walls was occupied too. Maybe Uruha liked those things, but Aoi preferred his privacy. He lightly bit into the delicate skin on his neck and twisted one of his rosy nipples, while still trying to prepare him. Aoi could feel Uruha’s erection pulsating against his own body, and it only made him yearn for his lover more. 

Tenderly he stroked over the blonde‘s thighs, before grabbing his cock and slowly starting to stroke it up and down. Aoi felt how Uruha grew harder in his hand. Savoring their sexual moments made him forget everything that had happened before. 

Only Uruha and his body mattered. 

The dancer’s sighs of arousal made Aoi feel extremely hot himself, he couldn’t stop touching him, pressing his body onto his, reaching for his lips. 

Uruha looked like the perfect image of seduction as he laid against the tatami mat, Aoi’s body still over him, kissing him while he touched him. “God, I missed you so much,” Uruha breathed out into their kiss, he pulled himself up, holding to Aoi’s neck as he deepened the kiss. Aoi held on to Uruha’s body, loving how the other man clung to him. The yukata on his body was being tugged on by Uruha’s needy hands, he wanted to feel the bare skin underneath. He loved the way Aoi’s muscles tensed under his hands.  

“Please, Aoi,” Uruha moaned, his lips sliding down to Aoi’s neck, peppering kisses and quick licks. He relaxed his body as he felt the way Aoi’s hard cock pressed against his thigh, he wanted it inside of him.  

Aoi could feel his eyes rolling to the back of his head at the way Uruha moved against him, slender hips pressing harder and molding themselves to Aoi’s own lean body. “Mmm.”  

Aoi snaked his hand in between them, his erection pulsating and needing the warmth around it. He slowly began sliding the slick head inside Uruha’s body, he was relaxed enough that it wouldn’t hurt too much but Aoi still wanted to be careful. He moved slowly and carefully, inch by inch, the tight heat engulfing his cock in the most delicious way. Aoi tried to be as gentle as possible. When he was fully inside Uruha, he waited for a few seconds, just breathing and embracing Uruha tightly. 

He put Uruhas legs on his shoulders, before he started moving back and forth, quickly with small thrusts. Since they didn’t have any lubricant, Aoi knew he couldn’t go too wild without hurting his boyfriend. 

To keep Uruha quiet he let his thumb dip into his mouth. 

Watching him, his milky skin and his slender body under him, the golden hair surrounding his head like a halo made Aoi feel the heat overcoming him again. He grew harder inside Uruha and started moving his hips faster. He saw Uruha twitching a bit; maybe he was in pain after all. Aoi slowly pulled out as careful as he could. 

He turned around so his head was between Uruha’s legs now, and his erection in front of Uruha’s face. When Aoi licked over the head of Uruha’s cock, he could tell that his lover had gotten the hint, since his cock was almost throat deep in Uruhas’s mouth. Aoi bit into his sleeve to not moan too loudly. He placed his lips around Uruha’s cock, and started sucking him while licking over the slit. Salty precum tickled Aoi’s tongue deliciously. 

The new position allowed Uruha to take Aoi down his throat easily. He closed his eyes, swallowing around his hard length. Uruha couldn’t imagine anyone else touching him, he only wanted Aoi’s touch. Anyone else disgusted him. Uruha relaxed his throat, moaning softly at the way Aoi kept sucking him, matching his rhythm.  

“Mmm, Aoi...” A choked groan escaped Uruha’s lips. He could feel his release threatening to rip out of his body, he had been deprived too long. No one could make him see stars the way Aoi did, it was breath taking. 

“Nnng, oh god,” Uruha let Aoi’s cock slip out of his mouth as he felt his muscles tightening up. Aoi kept bobbing his head as he took him, gladly swallowing as Uruha released inside his mouth. “Oh god, Tiger!” Another loud moan escaped, and Uruha’s body slightly shivered. Allowing Aoi to kiss him as he turned around and crashed their lips together. Uruha tangled his fingers in soft hair, pulling him down and urging him to continue fucking him. Aoi’s cock slid back inside easily, groaning loudly as Uruha clenched tightly.  

Aoi grunted as he kept pushing in and out of Uruha’s pliant body. Long legs wrapped around his torso and plump lips attached to his mouth, kissing him breathless. His orgasm nearing the more the thrusted deep inside Angel’s body. Having Uruha release in his mouth had been erotic and blissful... 

But Aoi wasn’t satisfied yet...now his cock was even slicker due to Uruha’s saliva, he slipped back into his tight body as if it was the easiest thing in the world to do. The blonde was so willing to take him that Aoi couldn’t hold himself back. 

He came strongly, even after pulling out, his orgasm lingered, taking its time coursing through Ao’s body.  “Oh god..” he groaned, halfway in ecstasy and halfway in panic when he saw that he spilled on the Tatami mat. Aoi wiped over the stain with his Yukata sleeve before rolling back into Uruha’s arms. He rubbed his nose over the taller man’s chest, curling up into a ball. He just wanted to be comforted by his lover now; it helped to ease his nervousness and his slight headache. His body asking for a certain something, scared him.  

And next to all of that, Aoi just felt incredibly exhausted. 

“You were so amazing...” he whispered against Uruha’s milky chest.  

Uruha lightly ran his fingers through Aoi’s mussed hair, feeling like at any moment he could close his eyes and fall asleep, something so strange considering the peril they had faced earlier, and would most likely face again.  

“You’re always amazing,” he whispered, smiling when he felt Aoi’s lips against his neck now, kissing him gently. “I have a little something to help us relax.” Uruha moved away for a moment, digging around his bag and pulling out a small container. Aoi felt puzzled, he didn’t know that Uruha had anything on him.  

“Open wide,” Uruha pulled a small blue pill and Aoi obediently let Uruha place the pill on his tongue. He swallowed it, tasting a bit of the sour tang. Uruha took one as well, and then laid back down. “They’re valiums.” he whispered, not telling Aoi anything else. The man he had given a lap dance to had graciously offered them to him.  _‘Being a dancer must take a toll on your muscles,’_  he had said as he kissed Uruha’s neck,  _‘No, need to thank me.’_  And next thing he knew, the dealer had slipped the pills in his hand. Uruha hadn’t complained, he never turned down free products.  

He didn’t know what accepting the pills would mean, would the dealer be back again? Would he want Angel to give him another private dance? Uruha had scrubbed his neck raw, trying to rid himself of the feel and smell of the other man. He only ever wanted Aoi to leave traces of him behind, only Aoi.  

“I haven’t touched anything else,” Uruha murmured, “I’ve stayed away from anything else.” A lie, he had done a few more lines with the dealer from earlier, and he would’ve done more if he could have. Uruha didn’t care what, as long as he got what he needed.  

Aoi allowed Uruha to give him the pill, he enjoyed the effects of valium, but that didn’t mean that it wasn’t suspicious that Uruha had them. 

“Where did you get these from?” He knew exactly that a colleague of his was dealing them.  

Where had Uruha gotten his contact from?  

There was little to no chance that Uruha had gotten them from somebody else; except if he had gone to the other end of the city. Dealers usually wouldn’t leave their district, and if they did, they wouldn’t sell anything to anyone. It was some kind of secret code to keep the order. 

It had to be the former colleague he talked to earlier in the day, who had reacted almost apathetic when Aoi told him that he wanted to quit the business. Those valiums were illegal in the Japanese market since they had a very strong dependency rate, and people in other countries had strong side effects from it, but mostly, it was an addictive benzo. 

“Some guy at the club,” Uruha replied nonchalantly, “Guess he was feeling generous.” He wasn’t lying about that at least, there had been a guy at the strip club that had given him the valiums, but he didn’t divulge anything else. Uruha was pretty sure the man he had given a lap dance to was one of Aoi’s men, or at least someone who he knew. Uruha thought it best to keep the details to himself, he didn’t want there to be any tension with Aoi and his former colleagues.  

“You don’t need to worry Aoi,” Uruha tried easing the other man’s worries, wanted him to let the pill settle in so he could get some rest. Uruha hated seeing Aoi so stressed, he understood why, but he wanted to help him relax, even if just for a little bit. “We won’t have to live this life forever, we’ll get out of here as soon as we’re able.” Uruha’s voice was on the verge of breaking, he wanted to be optimistic, even with everything that had happened. He could still hear the sound of the glass shattering as bullets ricocheted on the windshield. It took him back to when he lived in rougher parts of the city, when he didn’t have anyone to look out for him. Bitter memories flooded into Uruha’s mind, he closed his eyes and tried forgetting, putting the pain away like he always did.  

But Aoi couldn’t stop worrying, he was pretty sure those valium pills didn’t come from a consumer but a dealer, and the only person selling them was the guy Aoi talked to earlier.  He tried to remain calm but something in his stomach told him that perhaps his former ‘friend’ had something to do with who shot at them earlier. 

“Can you remember the time the guy was there?” Aoi mumbled, lost in thought, feeling the valium and paranoia kicking in. 

How did this man know about Aoi’e relationship to the dancer? Why had he been there? Did Uruha take him to his private room? Did he want to get rid of Aoi? 

Why did he shoot at them when Uruha was in the car too? 

Did they both know _too_ much? 

Did this guy tell Uruha things he shouldn’t know, and now when he found out that Aoi and the dancer knew each other intimately, he shot at them? 

Something was going on here, but Aoi felt strangely sleepy and he couldn’t follow his own train of thought anymore.  

“I love you Tiger, please don’t worry. We’ll deal with this later.” Uruha yawned as his fingers played with the ends of Aoi’s hair, a gentle gesture that was meant to lull him to sleep. Aoi whispered the words back to him, taking a deep breath and fluttering his eyes closed.  

Aoi and Uruha both surrendered to sleep. Aoi pressed up against Uruha’s chest, holding him and Uruha’s head tilted to the side uncomfortably, but he needed to be close to Aoi.  

They awoke sometime later in the day, all memories from the previous night had become a confusing blur. They almost wanted to forget that anything had happened as they sat across from each other, quietly eating some food. Uruha’s body still felt relaxed, perhaps a bit too much, and Aoi’s body felt the same. It made Uruha happy to see that Aoi was with him, no matter what they had gone through. He couldn’t help but look at the scar above his eyebrow, it felt like it had been ripped open again the previous night when Aoi faced the man responsible for it. The scars would always be there, and a pang of remorse would always work its way through Uruha because he still felt responsible for what had happened.  

They finished paying for their short stay at the front desk, Aoi not hesitating on paying for everything, making Uruha feel slightly relieved. All the cash he had made the night prior had stayed behind at the club, he was sure his boss had already taken his share. His boss, the thought of facing him again made the dancer feel trapped and miserable. He hated his boss, he feared him more so, there was no use in ever defying him. Those who brave enough to do so, would always mysteriously disappear. Either they had quit, or something darker happened... 

Uruha tried remembering what Aoi had asked him before they fell asleep, he had taken an interest in knowing how he got the pills. He didn’t remember anything, or at least, he tried to forget best he could. “Aoi,” Uruha’s voice was worried again as they sat in Aoi’s car. “What are we going to do?” 

Aoi was feeling dizzy. He wasn’t sure how good the idea of driving back to the inner city, now was, but he had to get business done and so did Uruha. Aoi sat behind the steering wheel, grieving for his broken windshield. He needed to get his car to the workshop to get it fixed...it would look suspicious if he drove around with it in the city. 

“I’m going to drive you home and then I’ll bring the car into a repair shop,” Aoi started the engine. “Uruha....” He remembered what he wanted to know desperately from him last night. “Can you remember the time when this guy gave you the valium last night?” 

If he had been at the strip club before he met Aoi, it might have been a weird coincidence. If he went there after he met Aoi, he must’ve seen them, and chances that it was him who shot, were uncomfortably high. 

He briefly thought about Takumi, he had been working close to Aoi ever since he got into the underground while still taking care of his own business. He kept a close eye on Aoi, because he saw him as a prodigy, his successor. Takumi was older than Aoi, and he knew that when it was time for him to leave the business, he would be leaving everything in good hands. His most loyal man. To everyone else, Takumi had always appeared inscrutable. They never knew if they were his friend or his enemy. But Aoi knew where they stood, and he jeopardized it all for his chance at a normal life with Uruha.  

Him finding out about Aoi’s rendezvous with an exotic dancer wasn’t completely far-fetched. 

“It had been about two hours or so before you showed up, I don’t even remember seeing him,” Uruha explained, “But my boss introduced me to him, something rare for him to do, unless the person was offering a lot of money. Which he did, he was generous with the cash and with the valium.” Uruha knew he had to be a little honest, he couldn't bring himself to mention the cocaine, he knew it would already be painful for Aoi to imagine the things that had transpired between himself and the man. Aoi always feared the worst, but now he feared the tactics that were being used against him. Someone was going to try to hit him where it hurt he most.  

Uruha gently grabbed his hand, trying to reassure him that things had been okay. “I didn’t do anything more than a lap dance, that’s all that I had promised.” Uruha squeezed Aoi’s hand, feeling how the other man shook slightly. He wasn’t sure if it was the valium or his overall nerves, perhaps a bit of both.  

Uruha kissed Aoi lovingly, Aoi’s hand holding him by the neck possessively. Uruha could feel the fire brewing inside Aoi, he was almost frightened of what could happen. But he trusted Aoi, with his life, even.  

So, it was Takumi after all. Aoi assumed he hadn’t known of their relationship; but now Aoi was sure Takumi wanted to get rid of Uruha, perhaps to keep him for himself. He had paid a lot of money for him...obviously Aoi wasn’t the only one who had an eye on the dancer during their night out. The thought of Uruha giving him a lap dance, made Aoi want to throw up. 

Stuff was bad. Really bad. It felt like poison in Aoi's veins, small and torturous doses of poison working their way through his body.

The drive back to Uruha’s apartment was a bit faster than last time, Aoi had memorized the place like the back of his hand. He parked his car a few blocks away though, just in case. Aoi spent the entire car ride thinking of what he was going to do. It was Takumi, and he feared that more than anything. 

“When will I see you again?” Uruha asked solemnly, his lips frowning and making Aoi’s heart break.  

“If he shows up at the strip club again, try to avoid him please. Do not talk to him. If he shows up, say you feel sick or something. If he insists, dodge him as best as you can. He is dangerous, Uruha, I mean it.” 

Anger and fear were cooking up inside Aoi. He wanted to keep Uruha out of his issues, he had pulled him into everything faster than he was comfortable admitting. 

“As soon as I take care of some things. I will try to let you know where I am from time to time. I’ll call you on a telephone booth.” Aoi caressed his cheek tenderly. Uruhas pout was adorable but it almost ripped Aoi apart. 

“Please look after yourself. Be careful, okay? I love you, so much.” 

“I love you, Aoi.” A quick goodbye-kiss, and Uruha left his car. 

Aoi watched him walk down the sidewalk until he disappeared around a corner. Aoi drove to a car workshop not far away, left his papers and a copy of one of his fake IDs the car was signed up on. He felt his car there and took the train back home. He decided to take his motorcycle to meet some of his final customers today, trying his hardest to lay as low as possible. Aoi felt like everything around him was falling apart. But he had to keep it together, just for a while longer. 

Uruha had internalized everything Aoi had told him. Apparently, the man at the club had been someone he knew, someone high up and dangerous. Uruha didn’t know why he was trying to get close to him, why he had taken such an interest in him, but his private relationship with Aoi probably had a lot to do with it. Uruha couldn’t deny that he was scared, he was mostly scared for Aoi. He knew how cruel the people in the underground world could be, the ones that mingled with the Yakuza or just associated with anything illegal, those people had no mercy.  

Uruha closed all the blinds on his windows, turning only one light in his apartment and sitting on the couch, his nerves firing off.  

Uruha didn’t know if the people who had shot at him knew where he lived, they knew who he was, where he worked, it wouldn’t be surprising that they had figured out where his apartment was. Uruha wanted to call Aoi, wanted to make sure he was alright. The no contact thing was driving him crazy, he needed to know that his lover was okay and safe. Uruha let that thought linger for a moment, his _lover,_ he hadn’t had something like that in ages. He was pretty sure he’d never find love, real love. Is it  _real_ love? He thought, he felt like he was smiling when the firing squad was against him, and he would’ve stayed lined up. Uruha couldn’t imagine ever letting Aoi go, whether it was foolish of him to be in love or not, there was no way he was ever going to let anyone take Aoi away from him.  

Night fell again, and Uruha could hear the roars of thunder outside. The sky had begun to fall down, and worry kept setting in. Uruha sat by his window, his head ducked slightly as he looked out into the city.  

Cars were still passing by on the streets, running away from the rain. There had been a black car parked just outside Uruha’s apartment building, it hadn’t moved and he felt paranoid about it. Closing the curtains again, Uruha heard a knock at the door. His heart started pounding, mind going blurry. The knocking had stopped and Uruha waited till the person on the other end left. He took a quick peek through the peep hole and noticed a large bouquet of red roses on the other end of the door. Puzzled he quickly opened the door and pulled the bouquet inside; a small white card was attached to the flowers.  

Opening it up, Uruha gasped.  

 _“For my favorite dancer, the one with the long and graceful limbs. Hair that shines like the brightest star in the sky and lips as plump and red as two cherries. I’ve been watching you for a while, doll._  

 _From: your secret admirer”_  


	10. Cooking up a dream

Aoi was riding home from a long night of doing his usual business. He had been to several clubs, bars and private customer’s meeting spots. He was pretty high and oddly feeling extremely focused; different than when he had left his house, with the valium remaining in his system.

For a moment, Aoi felt _free._

He felt the wind whipping his face carelessly, and the thought of calling Uruha soon and getting one step closer to leaving the underground, made Aoi believe in the person he was about to become. He wore a new biker jacket and leather pants, along with heavy boots, but no helmet. 

Aoi immediately regretted that decision as he heard the sound of a gunshot, and felt how something hit the back of his bike, but the bullet had ricocheted off the metal around the wheels. 

Another gunshot...thankfully the shooter missed.

Aoi’s heart was racing. Somebody was after him, they didn’t want him dead, just hurt. It was definitely the same shooter from the strip club, he was back. Ready to finish what he had started.

Aoi sped up. He looked over his shoulder, trying to see who it was, but behind him were just some trucks and cars. He was driving at full speed now, dodging cars, ignoring the loud honks. Another gunshot and the windshield of his Harley was shattered.

“Fuck.” Aoi looked over his shoulder again. Behind him was a rider on a black motorcycle, he wore a helmet which made it impossible for him to see his face. Aoi was driving so fast, he had definitely gone over the speed limit, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. The fourth bullet grazed his shoulder. However, the coke in Aoi’s bloodstream kept him from keeling over in pain.

The fifth bullet hit his wheel. Aoi stumbled off his bike as it swerved on the side of the road, he had ended up somewhere in the outskirts of the city. Aoi didn’t look back, he just ran. He ran as fast as he could, as fast as his legs could carry him; Aoi didn’t even know he could run that fast. The pain he felt in his shoulder was blinding, but he couldn’t give up. He walked through a small forest, into a main street.

He still heard the faint sound of an engine revving up, but Aoi felt like he finally got away. He ran into the nearby subway station, jumped over the barrier and ignored the angry security guard yelling at him. Aoi just kept running until he made it into the train that was about to close its doors. People on the train stared at Aoi, in his biker outfit, huffing, sweating, bleeding. He didn’t care.

Three stations later, he changed trains and just barely made it into the train headed towards Tokyo station, the pain he felt was now a numb throbbing sensation, but the bleeding was incessant. Aoi’s new jacket was ruined and drenched in blood, he tried tying his belt around his wound, but he needed to go to the emergency room as soon as possible. As soon as he made it to his final stop, Aoi left the train in Tokyo station and looked around for a payphone.

His breath was heavy as he dialed Uruha’s number with shaky fingers, a number he knew by heart now.

“Uruha...it’s me.” Aoi tried to catch his breath uselessly. The shooting pain spread from his shoulder through his entire arm, making Aoi wince. He clamped the earpiece between his other shoulder and his cheek to be able to press his hand against the belt on his bleeding arm.

“Do not leave your place. I don’t know when I can come to see you. Please, be careful and do not get in touch with strangers, or the guy who gave you the valium. I’ve got reasons to be pretty sure it was him that day when I picked you up. He chased me just now, or sent his men to do his dirty work.”

Aoi didn’t want to use the word _“shot”_ since he was in the middle of a crowd and people kept staring at him. He needed to get to a hospital as soon as possible.

“But I’m okay, I’ll call you soon. I love you.” He huffed before he hung up.

Uruha clutched the phone tightly, not wanting Aoi to hang up, because he could tell by his voice that something was incredibly wrong. Before Uruha could ask anything else, Aoi had hung up. He felt uneasy, his stomach turning as he thought of worst-case scenarios. Was Aoi in serious trouble? Was he hurt? Uruha felt frustrated, he wanted to help. He didn’t care if he was putting his life in danger, he wanted to help Aoi. He felt useless just sitting at home, scared to even leave his apartment. 

The dozen roses stared at him from the other end of the room. They were beautiful, but he knew where they had come from. Uruha didn’t understand why the man was doing this, what was his motive? He didn’t know anything about him, just what Aoi had briefly told him. 

Uruha had no one he could call, no family to rely on, he had had a falling out with both of his sisters and therefore he couldn’t even call them. Uruha had never trusted anyone enough to call them a friend, the people he interacted with were only acquaintances. 

He paced nervously around his apartment, feeling helpless. He didn’t know what was going on, he was worried about Aoi, wondering where he was and what had happened. 

Suddenly his phone started ringing again, Uruha nearly ran to it, answering it immediately, “Aoi!” He exclaimed, but it wasn’t Aoi on the other line. 

“I hope the roses found you well,” a familiar and charismatic voice answered, “I didn’t know what your favorite flower is, so I figured red roses were the best option.” 

Uruha couldn’t wrap his mind around what was happening, “How did you get this number?” He asked dumbfounded. 

The man on the line laughed huskily, dismissing his question. 

“I wouldn’t advise you to leave your home tonight. I have my men driving around the city. I can’t promise your safety, so it’s best that you stay inside.”

“Listen,” Uruha barked, “I don’t know who the hell you are, why the fuck are you calling this number? What do you want?”

 _Silence._  And the line went dead. 

Aoi rushed to the nearest hospital and got stitches on his wound, thankfully the bullet had only grazed him. The effects of the coke he did before had left his system, but the paranoia stayed. Takumi had most likely turned all of his men against Aoi. If he had an eye on Uruha and knew that Aoi wanted to quit dealing, he could’ve told them anything. Labeling Aoi as a traitor.

Everything had escalated so quickly, Aoi wasn’t sure what to do next. He was sure he couldn’t go home that tonight, maybe not the following night either. Aoi decided to check into a hotel again. He left the hospital after a few hours, once the nurses made sure the blood had stopped gushing out of his shoulder. He used a fake name and paid cash in advance once he made it to the closest hotel in the area.

As soon as he was in his room, Aoi called Uruha again. “It’s me. How are you? I got myself a room. It looks like I can’t return home tonight and I fear it’s dangerous for you too.” 

“Aoi,” Uruha felt relieved when he heard his lover’s voice on the other line, he took a deep breath, “Could you please tell me what’s going on? I’m fucking worried about you, Aoi.” 

Aoi sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose and trying to think of how to tell Uruha what had happened without scaring him too much. 

“I-I received something today, the weirdest thing,” Uruha’s voice was shaking slightly as he changed the subject, “A bouquet of red roses, and they’re from the same man, I'm assuming, the man who had something to do with what happened the other night.” Aoi couldn’t believe what he was hearing, he automatically knew it was Takumi, already knew the tactics he was using. He was trying to seduce Uruha in some way, but he knew that his angel wouldn't betray him, he wasn’t going to fall for that. 

“He called moments later,” Uruha added, “He told me that going out tonight would be dangerous for me, and that he couldn’t promise my safety. What the hell is going on?” Aoi could feel his blood boiling as he heard this, was there anything else he had done? Takumi had succeeded in terrorizing Uruha for the night, was there anything else?

“Okay, listen,” Aoi exhaled and scratched the back of his head. He knew it was pointless to lie, they were in it together now, no matter what happened, his and Uruha’s fates were sealed

“I’ve been chased again today. Whoever did it was armed. Don’t worry about me, I’m alright. My bike is somewhere left in the outskirts of the city, I had to flee. I assume it has to do with the same person who sent you the flowers. I told him that I wanted to quit dealing. I guess he wants to get rid of me before I spill information about him. I don’t know why he’s trying to pull you into this...nothing makes sense. If he found out your address and your phone number already he might’ve tapped into your phone...I guess I can’t come to see you too soon. And I don’t think I can stay in this area of Tokyo much longer. It was inevitable that something like this would happen, but that it happened so soon...”

Aoi didn’t really know what to do. He couldn’t keep Takumi away from Uruha without pulling other people into this too; and at his current position, he didn’t want to owe anything to anybody.

“I...I can’t tell you what to do Uruha. I can only ask you again to quit your job and go away with me. Maybe overseas for a few weeks...just to let things cool down and we can start over somehow.”

Aoi decided that the first thing he should do after the call was get rid of the cellphone he still carried around with him. Maybe he was getting paranoid but he was sure with the right technology, its location - his location - could be tracked.

“I miss you,” Aoi whispered. “And I’m worried about you too. I’m sorry for pulling you into this.” 

Uruha felt conflicted, he didn’t know what to do. On one hand, he could quit and leave everything behind, finally free himself from the imaginary shackles around his feet. On the other hand, he would be putting his life in danger. His boss had connections, people that could follow him and bring him back, dead or alive. Uruha knew that leaving meant that he couldn’t ever come back, he would make enemies. He would be affecting the club’s profits and that deed wouldn’t go unpunished. Did Uruha truly care? Aoi mentioned leaving the country all together. He remembered how they had spoken about America, Florida or perhaps California. Uruha had only ever seen America in movies and pictures, he couldn’t imagine what life there was like. It excited him in a way. He knew Aoi had the funds to go there, and that he could go, regretting nothing. 

“I miss you Tiger,” Uruha held back a few tears, letting his anger subside, “You don’t have to apologize. Our lives are equally dangerous. I’d risk anything to be with you.” Aoi felt a shiver run down his spine at that, he knew he felt the same way. He had become attached to Uruha, nothing could keep him away from the man that had captivated him, and had stolen his heart. Aoi was allowing the foreign feeling of love to exist within him, that fear of anything happening to Uruha, that was love and he wouldn’t have it any other way. Aoi was tired of only ever looking out for himself, he was letting Uruha in. No matter the repercussions, there were a million things going against them and Aoi held on to the one thing in their favor. Their mutual love. 

Aoi felt okay enough to hang up the phone after he and Uruha said a quick ‘I love you’, he clutched the phone in his hand, shaking softly. Uruha felt the same way as he went to bed, he stared off into the wall, needing Aoi’s warmth around him. His body was cold and the absence of the man that meant everything to him only grew more and more. God, Uruha worried so much, a lone tear ran down his cheek as he whispered Aoi’s name softly into the silence of the room.  _“Aoi...Please come back to me...”_

After they hung up Aoi decided to get out to take a walk to clear his mind. It was early in the morning and he felt exhausted, yet alert. The air still felt warm and the cicadas chirped noisily. Everything around him looked peaceful but the war in his mind was loud.

If he just left, Uruha would be out of danger. He didn’t agree when Aoi suggested to go away...maybe something held Uruha back and perhaps it was his job after all. Aoi’s stomach turned uncomfortably.

He didn’t know what to do.

How was Aoi supposed to get out of everything without leaving Uruha behind and without getting shot at the next moment?

After he had walked a while he stood on a bridge. Aoi took his phone out of his pocket, opened it and threw the sim card into the river. While he was at it, he took the battery out as well and put it into a separate pocket. Every time he moved his right arm, his shoulder hurt so bad, he felt like screaming at the top of his lungs. Aoi walked back to the hotel, dragging his tired body into bed.

He managed to sleep for a few hours, but was suddenly woken up from the searing pain. The wound in his arm wasn’t too deep, but the bullet had ripped the skin open and torn muscles apart, it felt like somebody had opened a gate to hell in his biceps. He decided to check out of the hotel and go back to the hospital to get his dressings changed. It felt like he had to wait forever before a nurse finally took care of his bandages, which were completely soaked. As she cleaned the wound Aoi felt like passing out from pain.

Aoi took the train home from the hospital. There was no use in continuing to hide out. Upon arriving at his apartment, he realized he had gotten mail from the police, a note was left for him on his front door, informing him that his motorcycle had been towed and when he was able to pick it up, including a bill for everything. He had expected a disaster when he entered his apartment; but to his surprise, everything was exactly where he had left it. Still, Aoi shuddered as he realized that he didn’t even feel safe at home anymore.

He was used to moving a lot, especially in his youth and due to his job, it was required. But for the first time in his profession, he felt threatened because of someone that was allegedly supposed to be on his side. Aoi groaned and let himself fall back on a chair, lighting up a cigarette. Tomorrow he had to pick up his bike at the police station and bring it into a workshop as well, to fix all of the damages, he already felt worn out and strung out. Furthermore, he had to erase his fake identities and get both his car and his bike new license plates in his actual name. Aoi hated paperwork but there was no chance he would get out of doing it, especially since he needed to find a new apartment. 

Uruha woke up feeling a maelstrom of emotions. His head hurt, his nerves were still racing, and he couldn’t seem to stop shaking. He dragged himself lazily towards the kitchen, making himself a pot of coffee. Soon the apartment was engulfed with the rich scent of coffee and Uruha took a deep breath. Memories of having coffee with Aoi after heated nights together ran through his mind, he wrapped his arms around his slender body, feeling the ghost of Aoi with him. 

Uruha took his cup of coffee to the living room, turning the tv on to let it drone on in the background, his usual morning ritual. The signal was fuzzy and Uruha remembered that he never got a new antenna, the one he had now was old and dilapidated. Regardless, he skipped through the channels, stopping on the news broadcast. Nothing particularly exciting, but then...”Police reports say a man on a motorcycle was chased by several other motorists on the national route one highway last night. An armed suspect shot at the unidentified man several times. Nothing new about the whereabouts of the shooters or the man. Both seemed to have escaped, a black Harley Davidson motorcycle was discovered this morning near the highway. We will keep you informed if anything new develops, back to you...” Pictures of the abandoned motorcycle popped up on the screen, and Uruha felt as his eyes deceived him. Aoi’s bike had a snake decorating the side of it too...

Uruha felt his heart drop to the bottom of his chest. It couldn’t be, right? That wasn’t Aoi’s black Harley, it had to be someone else's. Still, he couldn’t shake the worry that settled in. It was too obvious in a way, the incident had to have been Yakuza related. Uruha had no way of contacting Aoi, he felt helpless as he paced around his apartment. What could he do? And why hadn’t Aoi mentioned that he was being  _shot_  at? Uruha wanted to be angry, but worry and concern took over. 

Without thinking too much, he threw on a pair of jeans and a shirt and headed out. He remembered where Aoi lived and took the train to the nearest station from his apartment building. Uruha’s heart nearly beat out of his chest as walked inside the building, not knowing what to expect on the other side of Aoi’s apartment door. He took the stairs to Aoi’s floor and knocked three times on the door, hoping and praying that Aoi was home. He couldn't go back home knowing that Aoi was still out there...hurt and alone....

The cigarette in Aoi’s hand almost burned off by itself without him actually smoking it; he had been staring into nothingness, when the sudden knocks on his door shook him out of his daze. He flinched, pressed out the cigarette butt in the nearest ashtray and moved on his tippy toes towards the door to check the peephole. His heart sank immediately as he saw Uruha on the other side. He opened the door, just to be almost thrown over by Uruha’s storm of a hug.

“Hey...why did you come here, this is dangerous, Uru...” Aoi whispered because he couldn’t be as angry as he intended to be.

“I don’t care, Aoi, I don’t care,” Uruha exclaimed as he hugged Aoi, tears running down his face as he breathed against the other man’s neck. Aoi couldn’t even think as he just held on to Uruha, his emotions hitting him like a pile of bricks. Their life was a hectic mess and yet they always could find a way to be together, their hearts yearned for one another. Uruha’s question about the red string of fate made more and more sense as time went on. 

“What happened to you?” Uruha pulled away, realizing Aoi’s arm was bandaged up, “What the hell happened to your arm?” Aoi swallowed thickly, diverting his gaze from Uruha’s. He didn’t want to tell him that he got shot, presumably by the men that had already shot at them the previous night, but Aoi couldn’t lie anymore. There were too many lies already. 

“I saw on the news that they’re looking for the suspects regarding an illegal chase last night,” Uruha sighed, wiping his eyes again, “They mentioned a black Harley with a snake design on it, and I just didn’t want to think that it could have been you.” 

Aoi deeply inhaled Uruhas scent. His perfume, the smell of his golden hair, his clothes and the slight presence of menthol cigarettes. “Yeah,” Aoi sighed again, “It was me. The police already let me know about my bike, I can pick it up tomorrow. I guess they want me to give a testimony too.” He rocked the taller man gently in his arms before they took seats at his table.

“Don’t worry about my arm. It's just a graze. Could’ve been worse. I assume the same person who sent you flowers is trying to get rid of me. I just know too much, and additionally, this guy seems to fancy you, I guess. He was with me the night I met you. The valium we took before...it was definitely his, I don’t know anybody else who’s dealing it around here, especially freely, like him.”

Uruha wanted to be angry, but seeing Aoi alive was all he needed. Still, he punched Aoi's chest softly, upset but relieved, "I was worried sick about you..." He cried, melting into Aoi's touch as he held him. Uruha pulled away, his eyes red and cheeks puffy, Aoi brought his hand to his lips, kissing his fingers softly. Uruha didn't care about the dangerous man, he only cared about the man in his arms.

Aoi caressed Uruha’s fingers as he looked down at them, tormented and ashamed of what he had pulled Uruha into. Every single teardrop that had rolled over his cheeks burned Aoi’s heart. Uruha didn’t know anything about the kinds of things Aoi had experienced during his time in the underground. The connections he had made in the mafia, no matter how treacherous they were. Loyalty was the highest form of respect in that world.

The dark-haired man picked up the forgotten carton and matches, lighting up another cigarette. “I gotta move Uruha. I need to leave this apartment soon, he knows where I live and he could be planning God knows what. I don’t want the police to show up here. I usually bribe cops, but after this public shooting that even ended up on the news, they might be too many that are involved by now. It’s trickier.”

Aoi felt embarrassed of how scared he actually was. It made him feel so weak, especially as he sat in front of a man who had been through so many tough events and still stood strong and fearless. Uruha sighed, caressing Aoir’s hand tenderly,  _worriedly._

“Well...prison don’t mean nothin’ to me, if you’d be by my side.” He chuckled to ease up their depressing topic.

Uruha couldn’t believe the man that was trying to get rid of Aoi had taken an interest in him. Why was he trying to seduce Uruha? Even protect him by telling him not to leave his apartment? There was something shady going on and he couldn’t even bring himself to care, seeing the state Aoi was in was his only worry. “I can’t stay here either,” Uruha protested, “If you’re leaving, then I’m going with you.” Aoi’s eyes lit up at that, with both concern and excitement. He had wanted Uruha to leave with him, but he knew that if they both left, then he’d continue putting his life in danger as well. There was no getting out of the drug world once you were in it, the only way out was death. 

“We could get high in Miami,” Uruha murmured, “People never die in Miami, that’s what they all say.” He gently stroked Aoi’s arm, feeling the other man relax under his touch. There was nothing he’d rather do than pack up some of his belongings and leave on the next flight to Miami. Aoi had gone there before, when he was 18, but it had been a business trip. No pleasure. When he traveled across the world, and he remembered the white beaches, the crystal-clear water. Perhaps leaving wasn’t the worst idea for the both of them. 

Uruha stood up and sat on Aoi’s lap, wrapping his arms around his neck and kissing him softly, “You believe me, don’t you baby?” 

 Aoi wrapped his arms around Uruha’s waist protectively, still holding the cigarette. He nodded as he deepened their kiss. “Then, let’s go to Miami, and when we come back, let’s actually move.” He rubbed his nose over Uruha’s pale neck and inhaled his perfume once more.

“I love your scent.” Aoi groaned, embracing him tightly and forgetting about their situation. The sound of Uruha’s infectious laughter resonated within Aoi’s empty apartment, filling it with the life it desperately lacked. His boyfriends' weight on his lap made Aoi feel calmer immediately. Uruha had that effect on him.

Aoi sucked on the cigarette before offering it to Uruha. He watched his full lips wrapping around the filter before kissing him softly as the blond exhaled the smoke. When they parted their lips, he opened his eyes and saw how Uruha’s pretty hazel eyes fluttered open as well.

For a brief moment, they just stared into each other’s eyes, making silent promises to each other.

Aoi rested his head on Uruha’s shoulder, he felt how he was dozing off again, but he wanted this intimate moment to last a little longer. Making plans with him and dreaming of an endless summer brought light into his darkness.

“I wanna rent a motorcycle in Miami and just ride with you. To be out on the open road. Play the guitar under palm trees and drink blood red sangrias by the beach.”

Aoi made Uruha stand up and he walked into his kitchen, getting two cans of beer out of his refrigerator. He wished he owned a tv or something now, to just watch some boring movie with Uruha, drink a little and fall asleep, just as any other normal couple would at some point. Perhaps one day they would experience that kind of normality.

He threw the can at Uruha, who caught it skillfully. After sitting down on his mattress, he patted the spot beside him and opened the can. When Uruha took his seat next to him, Aoi caressed over his in denim covered leg, catching his lover smiling at the touch.

“I’m so happy you came, actually. I really missed you, I was so worried about you...all the time.” 

Uruha fantasized about the things he could do with Aoi once they were far away from danger. Their own slice of heaven, sand and sun. They’d travel for weeks to escape their demons, but they had good reasons. Running away wasn’t the best thing, but it was exactly what they needed. Sometimes life made you chase the taboo and the choice to run was yours alone. Aoi and Uruha had each other, the open road and the freedom they sought out. Taking this step together would change everything between them. 

“I had to be with you,” Uruha whispered, caressing Aoi’s hand and smiling when he held it, “I had to know that you were okay.” He fluttered his eyes closed as Aoi’s lips found his, kissing him softly and tenderly. A kiss that let Uruha know how precious he was to Aoi. 

“I’m ready to take that step with you,” he murmured against Aoi’s parted mouth, “Living in shades of blue has been getting old, Tiger.” Aoi smiled, pulling Uruha closer to him, not wanting to let him go. They both had decided deep in their hearts that this was the road they were taking, they had found in each other in the throes of passion and peril and now their dreams collided. All the uncertainty had cleared away, and they could see the path clearly in front of them. 

They both got comfortable on Aoi’s bed, letting the world fade behind them. Uruha felt safe in his boyfriend’s arms, and Aoi felt the exact same. “I love you, Aoi.” Uruha whispered, threading his fingers through Aoi’s dark hair. 

Aoi closed his eyes as he felt Uruhas fingers tenderly stroking his hair. 

“I love you baby.”

Several cans of beer later, intoxicated by alcohol and love, they had curled up in a ball under Aoi’s blanket. Aoi felt too drunk for sex, but nevertheless he wrapped his legs around Uruha’s longer legs, letting his hands dance over the skin under his t-shirt. His cheeks felt hot from the alcohol, and they glowed even more by the way Uruha had been kissing him nonstop.

Their tongues were dancing around each other, hungrily as if both of them discovered what it was like to kiss for the first time. Each time they touched always felt like the first time, it was always  _electric._

Aoi loved the intimacy he had with Uruha, even though they had a strong sexual tension building up since the moment they met, he felt like even without sleeping together, they could still be one. A unity that had overcome the odds long ago. 

Hiding his face in Uruha’s hair, Aoi fell asleep. 


	11. Honeymoon

The following day, Uruha woke up with his face nuzzled against Aoi’s neck, their legs intertwined together. It was the most peaceful they had ever felt whilst being together, despite everything falling down around them. It was becoming normal for them, the things happening in the outside world were normal for them. Uruha peppered soft kisses against Aoi’s neck, smiling when he shifted under his touch. “Hey.” Uruha voice was groggy and husky, and it sounded beautiful to Aoi’s ears. He turned his face to catch his lips in a quick kiss. Not wanting their time together to come to an end, but Aoi knew he needed to get his motorcycle from the police station.  

They both managed to get up after they kissed and cuddled for a while longer. Aoi held on to Uruha’s face, kissing him hard and then reluctantly getting up to go shower. Uruha helped Aoi wash his hair, those long and elegant fingers running through his locks with lavender scented shampoo. Aoi felt like he was floating not ever wanting to come down, back to reality. He knew their little rendezvous in Miami would mean more intimate and loving moments. Aoi couldn’t hardly wait for that.  

“Just try to keep in touch, if you can,” Uruha muttered, they had gotten dressed and drank a cup of coffee, Aoi didn’t have much for them to eat but they didn’t mind, a cup of coffee was perfect. Aoi nodded, kissing him again, not wanting to let go of those addictive plump lips, he wanted to keep Uruha here with him all day so he could properly worship him. “I love you Tiger, I’ll see you soon, okay?” 

“I’ll get us our plane tickets once I get everything together, we should be able to leave in a few weeks,” Aoi’s smile was as bright as sunshine as he mentioned the last part, this was going to be their greatest getaway so far and he couldn’t wait to bring Uruha as far away from peril as possible. 

“I’ll see you soon, I love you.” He said again before kissing Uruha goodbye, as soon as his lover left, Aoi also left his to go get his bike first and afterwards his car out of the workshop. As he arrived at the police station, he had to go through a lot of paperwork; if had been ready to give a testimony, he wouldn’t have had to pay for the pickup of his bike from the road, but he didn’t care. Aoi filled out all the forms, paid and left. 

Since one of his tires had been blown out as well, it was quite the struggle to get it to the workshop, but Aoi managed to do it and asked the mechanic if he could pick it up in two weeks. The owner of the workshop agreed, against a small fee. Aoi left his bike there and drove his fixed car home after all of the tedious bills were paid. At home finally, he took care of his apartment and put the remaining drugs that weren’t safe, in hidden places already, just in case someone would break in and search his apartment during his absence. Everyone he had previously worked with was now an enemy, Aoi couldn’t trust anyone. 

Packing his belongings didn’t take Aoi long. He didn’t own a lot of things to begin with, and the clothes he had would be enough to bring with him. The thought of breaking out and getting far away from his current life, brought all of Aoi’s spirits back to life, absolutely nothing felt impossible. 

Not much later, he checked carefully if somebody was outside his house, the paranoia would inevitably haunt Aoi all the way to America. He left to get tourist visas at a local travel agency. Since Uruha wasn’t with him, Aoi could only get his own visa, but the lady who booked their flights gave him a form that Uruha simply had to fill out and his visa would be printed at the airport. 

Aoi realized that he didn’t know exactly how old Uruha was, since they had never really spoken about their birthdays. He assumed he would be around his age, perhaps younger, but assumptions weren’t quite suitable for an official paper like a visa. He paid for everything in cash as usual and went home to get everything together. 

It made Aoi feel naked to leave the house without his gun and without any drugs, not even marijuana; just with his bag, keys, sunglasses and some cigarettes were all the things he ever carried with him. He shrugged, Aoi knew it would be better to get used to not watching his back at every moment. People who lived normal lives didn’t live them in uncertainty, but would his life ever be genuinely normal?  

He felt tempted to snort a last little line before leaving to go to Uruha’s place, but he ended up not doing it; after carefully checking everything for a last time, closing all windows and locking his door carefully, he grabbed his bag and suitcase, and took the train to Uruha’s place. A little paranoia was following him all his way; the two recent shootings were all Aoi could think of. 

Uruha had taken the train home when he left Aoi's apartment, feeling slightly relieved and a bit anxious about leaving the country. He hadn’t ever traveled far, and leaving the country was terrifying but also liberating. Though their trip wouldn’t be permanent, it would help clear their heads and probably bring them closer together. Uruha smiled cheekily to himself at the thought, he wanted their bond to be stronger. Quality time together would do their relationship good. It was still strange for Uruha to wrap his mind around that, he hadn’t belonged anywhere in ages and now more than anything, he felt like his heart was home. Where it belonged.  

Uruha got home and started thinking of what to pack in his suitcase, he figured he wouldn’t need to bring much with him. He packed a few necessities and the clothes he knew he’d need in the hot and humid weather. Though Uruha knew they’d spend most of their time naked.  

Once everything was done, Uruha picked things up around his apartment, hiding his pocket knife and the gun he hadn’t used in years. He didn’t have much to hide but he knew how those in the Yakuza worked, what lengths they’d go to. It was better to be safe than sorry. Sometime during the evening, there was a knock at the door. Uruha’s heart started racing, his anxiety flaring. He didn’t think as he grabbed one of the Valiums from the counter top and swallowed it. He needed to be calm, regardless, he grabbed his pocket knife, holding it tight as he walked to the door. Immediate relief washed over him when he heard Aoi’s voice on the other end.  

“Oh, thank god it’s you,” Uruha welcomed his boyfriend into his apartment, kissing him quickly. Aoi felt a pang of something ugly travel down his spine at the fear he heard in Uruha’s voice, he hated seeing him anxious and fearful of being in his own home. He gently grabbed the knife in Uruha’s hand and set it down, hugging him reassuringly. “Sorry, I’m just a little paranoid.” Aoi knew that feeling intimately, a part of him would always hate himself for dragging Uruha into the chaos of his world. 

They both took a moment to calm down as they went to Uruha’s bedroom. Aoi couldn’t help but laugh when he saw the size of Uruha’s bag, it was a bit large for the trip they were taking but he didn’t know what he had packed. Aoi just wanted to get to the airport and be on their way to their destination. He desperately needed to feel peaceful. And the white beaches and turquoise waters in Miami would do just that.  

 _2 weeks later_  

Aoi waited for Uruha to get dressed and put his shoes on, he lit up another cigarette and ordered a cab from Uruha’s phone. The weeks they had spent hiding out in his lover’s apartment had been blissful. They hibernated together, playing songs for each other, and ordering delivery as they patiently waited for the day of their trip to arrive. Aoi had gotten their plane tickets secured and his car fixed, he left both of his vehicles parked outside of Uruha’s building. Though someone could still know their whereabouts. Aoi tried not to think about that, he was getting ready to leave the country to a beautiful destination with his lover. That was all he needed to worry about. 

Ten minutes later, the cab arrived, they put their bags into the trunk and took seats in the back of the car. Uruha felt immensely giddy and could hardly contain it. His first time leaving the country was bound to be memorable. 

“Did I tell you that my English is pretty bad?” Aoi smirked. He didn’t mind not communicating with anyone but his boyfriend, it would be necessary once in the states, however, he’d welcome getting lost. Aoi’s need for leaving things behind had become greater than his need for safety, money or anything else. 

As they arrived at Narita airport, Aoi paid the driver and helped Uruha with his bag. “We still have to pick up your visa, I couldn’t fill out the form without your ID.” The travel agency had phoned the airline about the issue, they picked up their boarding passes and visas at a counter before baggage drop off.  

Aoi started sweating anxiously as they went through security check, he was not sure anymore if he had really left all of the drugs and prohibited items at home. He almost got a heart attack as soon as the high-pitched alarm started ringing when he passed the barrier. It turned out his belly button piercing jewelry had caused the alarm to react.

Uruha chuckled as he saw Aoi sweating, fishing for a cigarette and walking straight to the smoking area after they had grabbed their hand luggage. 

“God, I thought I forgot about a bag of you know what in my pocket or something...” Aoi groaned.  

“Hey, it’s okay, relax baby,” Uruha’s soft hands trailed down Aoi’s cheeks, kissing him quickly and making sure no one saw. “Once we’re on the plane, you can sit back and relax. We have a long flight.” Aoi groaned again at that, he always got impatient during long flights, he just wanted to arrive at the destination and enjoy the trip, he didn’t care about the means the get there, it was tedious. This trip most of all, was necessary. Aoi thought fleetingly about what he was momentarily leaving behind, he wasn’t out of harm's way, not forever. He’d have to face the enemy once they returned, but right now his only worry was getting enough time alone with his boyfriend.  

Once it came time to board, Aoi and Uruha felt relieved. They took their seats in the coach smoking area, they didn't want to bring much attention to them, so Aoi and Uruha decided not to fly first class. Uruha took the seat by the window and Aoi the middle one. Uruha could already feel the effects of the Valium he had taken before they left, as the cabin noises lulled him to sleep. Aoi on the other hand, sighed exasperatedly, dreading the long flight time. At least they had a layover in Los Angeles, but it was still an 11-hour flight to get there.  

“Mm wake me up when we’re in LA...” Uruha murmured, and Aoi rolled his eyes playfully. Placing his hand gently on Uruha’s thigh.  

After everyone was boarded and everything was secure, the flight crew prepared for take-off. Aoi closed his eyes, relaxing against his seat and hoping that sleep would come soon. His boyfriend had already dozed off, and Aoi wondered briefly how Uruha was able to fall asleep so quickly. Aoi could really use a tranquilizer, something to keep him asleep and not focused on his never-ending stress.  

Aoi felt really surprised about Uruha falling asleep so quickly and deeply as he looked over and saw him quietly snoring. Usually, it was Aoi who dozed off first and Uruha who couldn’t fall asleep, and who kept waking up every couple of hours. Did Uruha pop a sleeping pill or a tranquilizer before they took off? He knew that people who were afraid of heights or flying would usually do that. 

It took a couple of hours until Aoi had been able to doze off too. His chin was pressed against his chest, and his hands were folded in his lap, making his muscles ache, he sat up suddenly as a stewardess woke him up for lunch. Drained, he swallowed down the mediocre microwave food they were served. 

Uruha only woke up after Aoi shook his shoulder a little too harsh. He rubbed his sleepy eyes and looked around while disoriented. 

“Hey...did you take a tranquilizer, baby?” Aoi smirked. After Uruha nodded, still sleep deprived and yawning Aoi kept smiling, knowingly. At least he wasn’t the only one here whose hands were quick on chemical help when things wouldn’t work out as they liked them too. Aoi knew Uruha still had Valiums left over and didn’t put much thought into it. They finished their food and this time, it was easier for Aoi to sleep. Even though his body was missing out on its usual dose of coke and marijuana. He felt uneasy and terribly drained, his blood pressure was low. 

This time, his head sank against Uruha’s shoulder until they reached their destination. 

They reached Los Angeles safely and in the scheduled time. Getting through immigration wasn’t too bad either and with enough time to spare they went to sit at the gate. Uruha was still groggy and half asleep as they waited for the next plane. But Aoi felt anxious and restless. He needed a hit of something and couldn’t wait till the moment they were finally in Florida. He remembered how easily it was to get anything in paradise. The best and purest stuff was awaiting him and he could hardly wait.  

Another five hours on the next plane and Uruha and Aoi finally arrived at their final destination. They had gotten through everything a little quicker this time, Uruha was wide awake now and Aoi could tell that he was excited and couldn’t contain his happiness. It made him smile to see his boyfriend so happy. 

They got their luggage at the baggage claim area and then headed out of the airport. Stepping out into the humid weather and bright sun felt good on their skin, it was wonderful to see all the palm trees and the imminent relaxation. Aoi quickly hailed a taxi and gave the driver the address to the hotel. Uruha gazed out of the window during the entire car ride, amazed at how beautiful paradise was.  

Aoi hoped they’d be able to go out tonight, his heart was yearning for a white kick, and the coke in Florida had all at one point been under control by the Medellin Cartel which had been built up by Pablo Escobar. Expectations were high. Aoi had never believed he’d get a chance to taste the legendary white lines of Florida, and see how amazing they were. When he had been there for business, he had been deprived. But now, he could do anything. 

Their driver approached what seemed to be their hotel, and even Aoi’s jaw dropped as he saw the luxurious building, the fountains in the driveway and the large gardens of blooming exotic flowers that surrounded everything were beyond his wildest dreams. Excitedly, he squeezed Uruha’s hand before they got out. 

He paid with some cash he had exchanged at the airport in Tokyo and quickly, they entered the lobby. 

The interior was very modern but not swanky, it looked better than it had in the catalog though. Aoi checked them in while their luggage was brought up to their room. After he managed to say everything slightly nervously and in very broken English, they took the elevator to the highest floor. 

Their room was large, the ceiling was cathedral style, and the bed was a king size. A _perfect_ size. 

A French window led them to a terrace, with a perfect view of the enormous beach. The room was also equipped with a generously sized jacuzzi, ideal for late night dips. 

It was early noon in Miami and both Aoi and Uruha felt exhausted from the long trip, plus Aoi was sitting on hot coals as he had been sober for way too long. Aoi groaned and let himself fall on the gigantic bed. The mattress felt like cotton under his tense muscles. Uruha was smirking while leaning over him. 

Uruha couldn’t believe how beautiful the hotel was. Aoi had been secretive about the place he had booked and Uruha was thankful for that. He liked surprises, especially when they were luxurious. The room was everything he had envisioned and then more, and the bed looked incredible with Aoi laying on it. Uruha couldn’t help himself as he climbed on top of his lover’s body, kissing him breathless. “You did all this for _me_?” Uruha asked in a high-pitched voice, jokingly. Aoi chuckled as he caressed Uruha’s cheek, trying not to fall more in love but failing as that delicate golden hair framed Uruha’s face and made him look like the angel he truly was. Aoi wanted all of him, he was addicted. This trip would be memorable in more ways than one and the anticipation nearly killed Aoi.  

“Let’s shower Tiger, I think we need it.” Uruha smirked as he reluctantly got up and waited for Aoi to follow him into the bathroom. Just like everything else, the bathroom was huge, with a massive glass shower and pewter rock tiles. Uruha wasted no time in stripping and jumping in, smiling when Aoi wrapped his arms around his waist, kissing his neck. Uruha gently rocked against him, moaning softly as the warm water hit their tired bodies. He could get lost in his and Aoi’s body, tangled in their love.  

Once they finished, they didn’t spend too much time getting clean as much as they did kiss and hold each other under the hot water. They lounged out on their balcony naked, enjoying the salty breeze and the brilliant sun. Aoi held on Uruha as he sat on his lap, lips pressing soft kisses to his shoulder.  

“What did you wanna do tonight? Considering this view, I’m up for anything.” Uruha murmured, turning his face slightly as a soft smile curved on his plump lips. Aoi felt as if he was floating straight to heaven. He twirled a strand of Uruha’s hair between his fingers, catching his eyes, and biting his lips enticingly. 

“How about going out to the club tonight? Now that we’re free from our responsibilities for once, we could enjoy nightlife just as everyone else...” By mentioning that, Aoi had no clue what Uruha had done about his job, he had been pretty sure that his cruel boss hadn’t granted him vacation time for those couple of weeks Uruha would be out of the country. But this was no place for worries, and so he continued gazing into Uruha’s eyes, letting go of anything that weighed down on his shoulders. His lover caught onto his advances and leaned forward to catch Aoi’s lip in a fervent kiss, savoring each other. Gently, Aoi stroked his naked back, up and down reverently.  

Aoi leaned back, watching his lover being as heavenly and sensual as ever by just sitting on his lap. “This feels a little like a honeymoon, don’t you think?” A few drops of water fell down Uruha’s fair skin in the sunlight as he nodded, stealing more kisses from Aoi. “Let’s go back inside.” He whispered. 

All of the sexual tension became nearly unbearable for Aoi. Once inside, he gently pushed Uruha onto the bed and laid down next to him, letting his fingers roam all over his body, teasing his rosy nipples and letting his ring finger slide into Uruha’s belly button. Aoi always secretly wished his lover would get his belly button pierced, he would look even more enticing. The thought alone had a shiver running down his spine. Experimentally, Aoi let his hand slide down lower until he could wrap it around his lover’s erection. Aoi felt incredibly heated up, he wanted to get going but he knew that drawing things out had its advantages. He felt as Uruha’s slender fingers reached out to gently massage him, sliding them up and down his shaft, Aoi’s breath started coming in at uneven intervals from how aroused he felt. 

Without breaking eye contact, his hands kept sliding down Uruha’s hips until they had reached his entrance, Aoi smirked as Uruha let out a sharp cry. Uruha had let Aoi’s words about their vacation being a honeymoon linger around his mind. It was true, everything around them seemed so sweet and dreamlike, having to come back to the real world would be a huge shock. But they weren’t ready for that yet.  

Another wave of ecstasy moved through him as he kept stroking Aoi’s cock, it hardened in his hand the more he stroked it. “Mm I’ve missed this,” Uruha moaned out, shifting against the bed as Aoi’s fingers slipped in easily, helping him keep his legs spread. Uruha’s movements were fluid and Aoi bit down hard on his bottom lip, urging Uruha to use his mouth instead of his hands. 

Uruha moved his head towards Aoi’s cock, positioning his body so his thighs straddled Aoi’s head. He automatically sucked the tip of Aoi’s cock inside his mouth, relaxing his throat so he could push all the way in. Aoi held on Uruha’s hips, letting him slip easily into his mouth. “Unng, oh god Aoi...” Uruha kept a steady rhythm, trying to match the way Aoi’s jaw moved. This was probably his favorite position to be in, they could both taste each other simultaneously. It had been some of the best orgasms they both had ever had. Uruha and Aoi both knew they’d be trying new positions during their trip, new and exciting ones.  

Aoi shut his eyes tightly at the sensation of Uruha’s wet and warm mouth taking him like he had done many times before. But now they were both in paradise and he couldn’t imagine being in a more perfect place with the most perfect person he had ever met. All worries faded into the background as Uruha’s tongue licked his balls, making the loud and vulgar noises that Aoi loved.  

The vibrations of Uruha’s lips when he moaned drove him crazy. To not cum immediately, he sucked harder, trying to keep sane by holding his body in place. Aoi took him deep into his throat, trying to not choke but keeping a gentle rhythm, moving his head back and forth. Aoi spread Uruha’s legs a little wider, taking his knees on his shoulders before letting his tongue glide over his balls and pressing it against his sensitive entrance. The blonde’s moans let him know that he liked it a lot, so Aoi dived deeper into him, curling his tongue, caressing Uruha’s firm ass. He couldn’t suck Aoi’s cock anymore, the sensations were so overwhelmingly amazing, that Uruha could only moan and groan. As Aoi felt a drop of precum hit his chest, he let go of him and gently turned him around 

Aoi made himself comfortable on the bed, while guiding Uruha to sit on his lap. Inch by torturous inch, he sank down on his cock, Aoi could only breathe heavily as he felt how Uruha’s tight muscles clenched around his thick length. He started moving his sinful hips, carefully first to not hurt his lover, but the way Uruha grabbed on to Aoi’s arms hard, caused his movements to become erratic and fast, and this time it was Aoi losing his mind over the sensations traveling through his system. 

Uruha was the perfect image of seduction as he arched off the bed and closed his eyes tightly, his plump lips releasing a slew of soft moans and whimpers. Aoi’s name rolled off his tongue like a mantra when he hit that sweet spot inside of him. Seeing his lover's pleasure ridden face had Aoi fucking Uruha harder and faster, before he could do anything about it, he groaned loudly, screaming Uruha’s name while coming deep inside of his body. It took Aoi a few thrusts before he stopped and just huffed, trying to catch his breath. 

Uruha kept moving against Aoi’s cock even after he had felt him cum inside him. Uruha stroked his cock as he moved his hips, eyes closed and mouth releasing soft pants. Aoi held on to Uruha’s hips, digging his fingernails into him as Uruha’s muscles constricted against his softening cock. “Oh fuck..” Uruha cursed, biting on his bottom lip and jerking off his cock harder and faster until he felt his orgasm shoot out of him and allover Aoi’s stomach. Aoi pulled Uruha back down, kissing him hard and trapping his essence between their heated bodies.  

“Mmm god Aoi, that was amazing,” Uruha breathed out against Aoi’s mouth, “For some reason it feels even more amazing to cum in paradise.” Aoi chuckled at that, kissing him again. He didn’t want to pull out of Uruha’s body, he could already feel his cock coming back to life, but he knew there would be plenty more times to have fun during their stay. It would be best for them to relax their bones instead of over exert them.  

Aoi kissed Uruha’s forehead gently and then slowly slipped out of him, getting up and grabbing a towel in the bathroom and wiping off the mess on his stomach.  

Uruha had wandered off into the balcony where they had their hot tub available for them, and ready for anything they wanted to do in it. He smirked and submerged his body inside, fumbling with the buttons until he turned the jets on. Uruha relaxed as his body was gently rocked by the bubbles, turning his head to the side when he felt Aoi’s lips pressing on the top of his head, feeling slightly neglected. “Come on in Tiger.” 

It was Aoi’s greatest joy to watch Uruha go off in his own little world. He had watched him for a little bit as he got into the jacuzzi, his eyes were focused on the horizon of the ocean, possibly dreaming up scenarios for the both of them. When the time came for them to finally run away together and ride off into the sunset. Aoi tried not to get too caught up in fantasies and what ifs, but for once, he felt like he could be able to escape his demons once and for all. He had his ride or die with him now, they were invincible. Aoi obliged and climbed into the tub beside his lover, relaxing as the bubbles tickled his skin. 

This time, it was him sitting on Uruha’s lap, nuzzling his nose into his golden hair. He noticed that his hands had started shaking. Something inside of him told him it was because his blood sugar was low since they hadn’t eaten anything since they left the plane, but he knew damn well why it was actually happening. Aoi’s withdrawal had reached a physical level, it was ironic and tragic since he had never experienced it before. 

Before, his consumption of drugs had been so frequent and he had hardly ever run out of his drugs, so he simply never had to get through a longer period without cocaine. Even though Aoi knew his consumption was unhealthy, he always felt like he had been able to handle the consequences because all of them had been familiar to him, until now. He just pressed his body against Uruha’s and embraced him tightly, so he didn’t have to look at his hands. Aoi just needed to relax, there had been so many things that he still needed to deal with, but it would all have to take the back seat. His and Uruha’s relaxation was priority.


	12. Yayo

Uruha held on to Aoi tightly, not wanting to think of anything else as he embraced his boyfriend. He felt an emptiness inside him and he wasn’t sure if he was hungry or missed the effects of his favorite poison. Uruha had tried to stay clean but he needed his fix of something, he had been anticipating going to Miami because he knew what that entailed. He wasn’t planning on staying sober during their trip and he figured that Aoi knew this. 

“Do you have any idea of where you wanna go out tonight?” Uruha asked, he massaged Aoi’s tired muscles slowly, feeling them flex under his hands. 

“Actually, I heard that there’s this rooftop bar downtown,” Uruha interjected, he sounded excited about that and Aoi knew that’s where they’d most likely be going, “It’s pretty new and they play techno I think, and the magazine I read also said they have the best cosmopolitans.” Aoi wasn’t a huge fan of mixed drinks or techno music, he preferred the harder stuff and rock clubs, but he knew that Uruha would probably enjoy going there most of all. He wanted to give him the best Miami experience that he could. And he already knew that the club would be packed and there would be plenty of candy to choose from. Aoi could finesse his way through any situation even if he didn’t know the language perfectly. 

“Then let’s go there, baby.” Aoi just whispered. Anything to make his other half happy. They spent hours in the tub, until sunset, enjoying the massage and making out while cuddling in the bubbling water. When their hands started becoming wrinkly, Uruha decided they should get out, since he didn’t like looking like a raisin. Aoi chuckled at that. He watched Uruha putting on fresh and light clothes, combing his hair and looking for his sunglasses, even though it was nighttime, after he put on a bit of eyeliner. His eyes were a bit puffy from the long flight, but he still looked so beautiful and Aoi felt like melting as he watched his lover getting ready.

Aoi himself chose a few accessories by Vivienne Westwood and blow dried his hair to keep it straight. He tried hiding his shaking hands in the pockets of his jeans as they left their hotel and entered a taxi to get to the club.

“Let’s rent a bike or two and discover Miami and other parts of Florida a little in the next days. What do you think?” Freedom was the only thing Aoi longed even more for than cocaine, sex or luxury. He needed to feel the wind in his hair and the independence, free from all of his responsibilities. Uruha nodded and smiled, stealing a chaste kiss from his lover.

The taxi driver had known the club and dropped them off in front of the door. Aoi tipped him generously. The bouncer checked them for a moment before letting them in. Before they entered the club, they were asked for their ID’s. Aoi had to bite his tongue in order to not burst out into laughter, he was sure that hadn’t happened to both of them in forever. Side eyeing Uruha he noticed that the blonde was also struggling to not laugh. They walked into a wave of loud music, a large room with a dance floor and a bar, still quite empty. A small staircase led to the actual rooftop floor, which was equally loud, but open air. The night sky was dark blue and clear, and even though they weren’t too close to the beach, Aoi felt like he could hear the waves. “Let’s get some drinks.” Aoi suggested walking to the bar. 

Uruha took in his surroundings, amazed at how different the clubs were in America compared to Japan. He liked how there were technicolor lights everywhere, and everyone wore colorful clothing. It was definitely a shock, but he could get used to it. Uruha almost didn’t hear Aoi when he had suggested that they get some drinks, and of course he couldn’t deny the offer. “Can you get me a cosmopolitan, please?” Uruha asked, giving Aoi a shy smile. Aoi chuckled as he stole a quick kiss from his lover, and went up to the bartender, ordering their drinks in the little bit of English he could speak. 

Uruha sat at the bar, noticing how there was a long strip with ice around the table where people could place their drinks to keep them cold. They didn’t have that back at his club in Yokohama. The bartender placed Aoi’s beer and Uruha’s cosmopolitan on the ice and Uruha bowed, not nothing how else to thank him. “This place is nice,” he commented as Aoi took the seat next to him, “People seem to be living in their own little world.” He took a sip of his cocktail, delighted at the taste. Uruha did enjoy drinking, but always preferred a variety, or just plain vodka. A bit later, a waiter came out with a few appetizers that Aoi had ordered, a silent way to get Uruha to eat something. They both desperately needed to eat, but he worried mostly about Uruha. Not wanting to point out to him how skinny he had gotten, Aoi loved his body and didn’t want him to think otherwise, but he also worried about his health. 

“Seafood?” Uruha admired the array of crab and shrimp appetizers, knowing that this probably would cost Aoi a pretty cent. “You’re too thoughtful, Tiger.” 

“Just figured that you should eat something,” Aoi smiled gently, taking a prawn off the plate for himself. “The only thing we had today was that horrible meal on the plane.” He took a sip of his beer and looked around the bar. Which of these people around here could be carrying what he needed in that precise instant?

“I’m gonna go to the bathroom for a sec.” He excused himself and went downstairs again to the toilets. They were unisex, surprisingly. The bathroom was decorated with several lights and blue tiles, still keeping with the modern theme of the club. To not seem suspicious, Aoi started washing his hands in the stone sink, turning his head to the side, he heard a few people leaving the toilet stall.

When they passed Aoi, he just stared at them, feeling oddly shy. One of them, a guy who was badly shaved and probably in his mid-forties noticed him.

“Hey, what are you staring at?”

Aoi apologized, almost stuttering, trying to explain that he was looking for something. One of the other guys just gave him a confused look. His accent was so strong that he almost didn’t understand him. Aoi felt embarrassed and apologized, but the guy who approached him first seemed to have understood, or at least he could guess what he wanted. He said something to his friends that Aoi didn’t catch, but the man made a gesture with his head towards the toilet stalls. Aoi just followed him, not wanting to ruin his chances. They closed the doors and the guy asked him if  _“_ _yayo_ _”_ was what he was looking for. Aoi nodded. That term wasn’t used in Japan, but he had heard of it being a street name in the US. As Aoi asked him how much he wanted, the man responded with “a hundred.” Aoi gave him two fifty-dollar bills and put the tiny little bag the dealer gave him into his boots.

That had been much easier than Aoi had expected.  The dealer hadn’t let him try first, but Aoi believed the stories he heard of Florida’s coke. The guy left the stall first, Aoi waited until he heard the door of the bathroom shut. He took out the small bag again and poured a small amount of the white gold on his credit card. He crushed the crumbles with his ID and pushed the powder into a neat line and took out the little tube he had in his pocket. Quickly, Aoi snorted it into both of his nostrils and smeared the remaining dust under his upper lip.

It kicked in immediately, his heart finally stopped pounding and his fingers stopped shaking. Groaning in relief, Aoi finally the bathroom

Uruha had been waiting for Aoi to come back, his stomach was still turning and he couldn’t get much food down. It felt good to have something in his stomach but he craved something else entirely. He had been looking around, noticing how people on the dance floor were moving around in euphoria, it was evident to him that most of the people there were high, and he wanted to feel just like that as well. Uruha felt relieved when Aoi came back, his pupils dilated and seeming to be in a much better mood. 

He asked where he had been for so long as he approached. But Aoi just smirked.

“I found something. I can show you after we finish the food.” Aoi’s appetite was gone though. Instead, he began drinking faster, mixing coke and alcohol. A warm wave of delirium washed over him.

“But what is it?” Uruha asked, pouting, Aoi kissed him quickly and didn’t bother elaborating too much, just telling him enough to keep him guessing for a bit. 

The night progressed and Uruha and Aoi continued tipping back drinks, not touching any more food and only worrying about the drinks that Aoi kept ordering. The rooftop bar seemed to have gotten fuller and soon the music was blasting around them, Aoi could feel the beat vibrating against his rib cage roughly. The effects of the cocaine and alcohol moving through him in waves, he didn’t hesitate anymore as he grabbed Uruha’s hand and guided him to the dance floor. Uruha seemed taken aback but let Aoi take him anyway, surprised that he wanted to dance. 

“What’s the occasion?” Uruha laughed, his eyes closing slightly as Aoi ran his hands down his waist and hips, holding on to his ass firmly. Aoi kissed Uruha’s glossy lips passionately, not caring about being in a sea of people and openly showing affection, immediately he knew why Aoi was being so intimate. “Mm Tiger, I’m having fun with you tonight,” Uruha purred, the ring on his finger getting caught on Aoi’s shirt as he pulled him flush against him. “Let me get a hit too, don’t make me beg, baby.” 

Since Aoi felt his trip already going down a bit he just smiled and danced Uruha around the room for a while longer. He felt amazingly tipsy, but still wanting to do another line. Aoi couldn’t wait to show Uruha how incredible the white powder was, excited to do the next line with him, he led him towards the stairs. It had been a while since Aoi enjoyed a night out that much; whenever he went out in Tokyo it ended up being stressful because it was always for work.

Aoi flipped his hair to the side as they entered the bathroom. A small line was in front of the stalls, people were chatting noisily and excited, some of them in groups. Surely none of them were actually going to do what people normally did in the toilets. Aoi liked the casual atmosphere, and that nobody as acting too secretive about getting or being high. He didn’t mind waiting a while longer.

As they finally entered an empty stall, he pulled the small bag out of his shoe. He gave Uruha his credit card and told him to hold it while he was preparing two pretty big lines for them. He offered Uruha his tube and watched him snorting one of the lines with his left nostril, sniffing a little after he was done.

Aoi followed him, wiping off the remaining dust with his pinky to taste the white powder again with his tongue. “The rumors are true, it’s really amazing over here. Even the best stuff I get in Japan harbor cannot compare.” He kissed his lover, sharing the taste with him.

Uruha nodded at that, feeling immediately how the coke made its way through his system. This was better than anything he had ever had back home, it didn’t burn or taste bitter, it was perfect. Uruha could already tell that he wanted to do more, he figured that Aoi wouldn’t mind. 

“Let’s go back to the dance floor, Tiger.” Uruha pulled Aoi back outside towards the dance floor on the first level. It was darker and cooler down there and even so, Aoi felt like he was sweating. He wanted to rip off his clothes and dance against Uruha all night, while the white devil danced in his veins. 

Uruha ran his hands down his body, the shirt he had decided to wear stuck to his skin deliciously, and Aoi could feel his heart racing as he watched him lift it up just the slightest bit. Milky white skin shimmering under the blue and yellow lights of the club, too enticing for Aoi. 

He could feel his body temperature rising, placing his lips next to Uruha’s face and telling him he was going to go smoke and get some air away from the large crowds, and if he wanted to come with. Uruha shook his head, kissing Aoi’s lips lewdly as he kept dancing. 

Aoi tried to calm the roaring fire in his stomach as he made his way around the sweaty people of the club, trying to find the exit so he could get some air. Smoking was allowed inside, but he desperately needed the fresh air. Once outside, he lit up a cigarette, inhaling the smoke and exhaling. His nerves calming down almost immediately. Aoi was enjoying himself, but between the alcohol and the coke, his body just overheated. It didn’t help that the club was swamped either, he wished it could just be him and Uruha in there. The rooftop bar had an array of couches that he could imagine throwing Uruha on and doing unspeakable things to him, his head started spinning at that. The heat between his legs spreading and craving his lover’s touch. 

Aoi finished smoking the cigarette, smashing it with his foot on the ground. He probably figured they’d be at the club for a while longer and then he could take Uruha back to the hotel to relieve some of the frustrations he had. Aoi smirked to himself as he entered the club again, the music fast and sensual as he made his way through the people again until he saw Uruha’s blonde head of hair. Aoi’s eyes widened in both shock and disbelief when he saw Uruha talking to another man, his face too close to him. 

Jealousy cooked up inside of him immediately. Aoi straightened his shoulders and walked over to them until he was beside Uruha, his eyes narrowing as he put an arm around his lover’s waist, checking out the guy talking to his lover suspiciously.

“Did I miss something?”

He tried to not sound too icy, since he remembered too lively what had happened after his jealousy had gotten out of hand the last time. The guy stepped back a little bit as Aoi approached and apologized, something Aoi didn’t really understand followed. 

“Aoi, this is Daisuke,” Uruha explained, holding on to Aoi as he noticed his lover getting angry, “He noticed me fumbling with my English at the bar and realized I spoke Japanese after I started cursing, he’s from Tokyo as well.” Aoi was still weary of this man, he didn’t trust anyone, especially not a random stranger that so happened to be from their home country.

“My apologies,” Daisuke began, “I don’t mean any trouble, I was just helping him is all.” 

Aoi didn’t have much to say, he wasn’t going to invite this man to join them for the evening, he saw the gesture as friendly and that was it. 

Uruha looked around nervously, hoping that Aoi wouldn’t misunderstand the situation. Daisuke looked non-threatening but Aoi just couldn’t bring himself to want to be nice to this man. 

“Well, I’ll be leaving now,” Daisuke half smiled, eager to leave as he noticed the tension between he and Aoi, “You two have a good night. It was lovely meeting you, Uruha.” He grabbed Uruha’s hand, and Aoi felt his insides turning, clearing his throat exasperatedly. Another exchange of fiery looks, and Daisuke was gone. 

“Do you mind telling me what that was all about? He was just been nice,” Uruha seemed pissed off, and Aoi felt he had the right to be, “Besides, maybe I won’t share these with you.” Aoi noticed Uruha was holding on to something, he opened his hand and, on his palm, there were two little colorful pills.  _Ecstasy._

“Did you get them from him?” Aoi raised his brow angrily. “I’m sorry, but after everything that has happened, I can’t help but be reserved about Japanese guys appearing randomly around you out of the blue and being overly helpful and a little too friendly with you. I’ve been shot at while a guy I considered a mentor of mine sent you flowers...do you understand what I mean?”

Aoi sighed loudly. His high enabled him at least to give an appropriate answer. He didn’t want to be the overly attached and too protective boyfriend who got easily jealous and possessive, he had to pull himself together to not become one. Sometimes Aoi wondered if Uruha was aware of his own vulnerability, his aura and his kindness. 

“But why are you so paranoid, Aoi?” Uruha asked, trying to keep his voice calm, “No one knows where we are right now, this man being helpful and giving me and you a little pick me up is a friendly gesture. He didn’t ask for anything else, it was nothing, really. A lot of people from Japan come to Miami.” Uruha wanted to see the good in everyone, wanted Aoi to trust him to make that decision at times. He knew that things were shit back at home, but they were miles and miles away from the danger that had become their daily life. Uruha wanted to relax a bit and enjoy the kindness of others. It was rare to find that nowadays. 

Aoi was still skeptical, he knew the life they lead wasn’t ideal and that at any moment anything could go wrong. It wasn’t smart to let their guard down, even if they were away from home. 

“I’m sorry...” Aoi came close to Uruha and hugged him tightly. “I’m just... don’t know. I’m afraid that distance wouldn’t stop them, you know?” He squeezed his lover tightly and hid his face in his T-shirt.

“Perhaps you’re right and the cocaine is making me paranoid.”

Holding Uruha’s slender torso and feeling his strong heartbeat made Aoi feel better immediately. He learned to be mistrustful, but maybe Uruha was right and perhaps he had started imagining things, which scared him. If you couldn’t trust your own instincts, who could you trust? 

“Can you do me a favor nevertheless?” Aoi asked. Uruha nodded, listening to his lover patiently.

“Don’t pop them here. Please wait until we’re back at the hotel. Maybe you’re right and it’s just a nice gesture, but we can’t know how strong they are or what’s mixed in them. I want you to be alright, okay?  But just in case you’re not, I want you to be in a safe space then, alright?” Uruha sighed but agreed.

Even if Daisuke had nothing to do with everything that had happened back home, that didn’t mean he had the best intentions. Trying to take it easy, Aoi ordered two more drinks for them, nearly emptying his glass of beer in one sip.  _Maybe_ _I’m just not drunk enough._  He thought to himself.

The night grew darker and though the sun was gone, the heat of Miami was still blazing. Uruha and Aoi had returned back to the rooftop bar, at least there they could get some air. The crowds downstairs were intense, and even with the drinks in their system, they wanted to relax and not dance anymore. The cocaine had made Uruha feel wide awake, his energy through the roof. Aoi was starting to feel the low coming on, but he wasn’t ready to stop partying. He and Uruha snuck off to the bathroom to do a quick line. Aoi purposefully gave Uruha less, he didn’t need that much. But Aoi took a large amount. He figured it would have been best to get the eight ball, but their vacation had just begun. There would plenty of time to continue getting high. 

“So what club are we going to next?” Uruha asked, holding onto Aoi’s hand as they went back to sit at the lounge area. Aoi thought he heard wrong, another club? They had been on a plane for 16 hours and Uruha had all the energy in the world. But Aoi could feel the jet lag and no amount of cocaine was helping him overcome the exhaustion. 

“Don’t be so boring, Tiger! The night is young! It’s like 2am!”

Aoi chuckled when he looked at his watch. “It’s actually 4:30, baby. But we can take a look of what else is going on, but I don’t think it's going to be too wild. This club closes at 6am.” He stroked over Uruha’s shoulders, having a hard time keeping his eyes open.

Aoi hated when the intervals of going to the toilet to do a line where becoming visibly shorter, and his energy was hitting its limits. Uruha decided he wanted to stay until closing time and pulled Aoi back on the dance floor. He moved rather slow and out of rhythm while Uruha was dancing along to the beats, thrilled and full of joy.

Around 5:30, Aoi felt like collapsing. He excused himself for another time, and disappeared into the bathrooms once more. After a cigarette and another line, he felt how he slowly came back to life.

Returning to the dance floor, he saw Uruha hanging on a couch, looking pretty drained. “Tired?” Aoi smirked while letting himself fall onto the sofa too. Uruha just nodded, closing his eyes. Aoi offered him a cigarette and squeezed his hand before closing his fingers with his. 

Uruha took a few drags and let his head fall against Aoi’s shoulder.

“I’m gonna call a taxi, yeah?” Aoi asked while yawning.

“Fine.” Uruha replied, feeling a little annoyed that Aoi wanted to leave already. He was sure that there would be other clubs that were open late, it couldn’t be that Miami didn’t have parties till late or rather early in the morning. They were on vacation after all, and getting the most out of it was on Uruha’s mind.

Once the taxi arrived, Aoi let Uruha get inside first, making sure he was okay. He sat beside him and placed his hand on Uruha’s cheek, lightly caressing it but Uruha swatted his hand away. He was pouting and Aoi knew it was because he wasn’t having it his way.  Once they arrived at the hotel, Aoi paid the taxi driver and once more tried to help Uruha, he tried putting his hand on his waist but Uruha would free himself from his touch. Aoi rolled his eyes and just hoped that he could get some rest, that’s probably what he needed above all else. 

“I really can’t believe you didn’t wanna keep partying,” Uruha kept complaining when they finally made it to their room, “We were having such a good time, but oh no, you had to be an old man.” 

Aoi was starting to get angry with Uruha’s moody behavior, it was late and he wanted to sleep. All the clubs that were open 24 hours weren’t the best clubs and Aoi didn’t feel comfortable taking Uruha there, especially when he didn’t have his gun with him. 

Aoi thought it best to just not say anything further, he didn’t want to make the situation worse but Uruha wouldn’t shut up. He grabbed him a bit forcefully by his arms, annoyed with his attitude, but Uruha wasn’t having it as a hand came flying against Aoi’s cheek, slapping him as hard as he could.


	13. Baby, we're on fire

_That was the last straw._

Aoi’s nostrils flared with anger, stepping behind Uruha’s body, he roughly yanked his arms back and with a few grips and moves, Aoi had removed Uruha’s belt and tied his hands with it against his back. Uruha couldn’t react as fast as he normally would, his body felt weak and exhausted from the long night and the incoming low from coke was imminent, so he just whimpered while Aoi threw him on the bed. 

“Did I spoil you too much already?” Aoi growled as he ripped Uruha’s shirt apart. “Should I call a taxi again so you can go back to the club...and get all intimate with your new friend Daisuke?!” Aoi bit into Uruha’s nipples while opening his jeans and pulling off his pants from his hips roughly. 

“I’m doing all of this for you and you behave like a fucking brat.” 

The noise of ripping fabric made Uruha flinch; his boxers were gone as well. Aoi sat on his legs as he started stroking Uruha’s cock while opening his own jeans.  _This little bitch should remember who took him there in the first place._  Aoi thought bitterly to himself, the alcohol and cocaine in his system clouded his judgment. 

Uruha kept whining and groaning but Aoi just ignored it, he turned him around roughly before digging around on the night table beside the bed. He had seen Uruha put the lubricant there, considering the activities that usually took place on a bed. Aoi finally found the small bottle and wasted no time in squirting the gel onto his fingers. He resumed his position behind Uruha’s body, roughly, he shoved two of his lubricated fingers inside his lover’s entrance. Aoi kept a steady pace, making sure not to hurt him too much, but still asserting his dominance. Aoi had never been rough to Uruha on purpose but now he just wanted to fuck him mercilessly, fast and hard. 

Uruha was still defiant as Aoi had his way with him. His nostrils flared angrily as Aoi grabbed him hard, and turned him back around so he could face him, he leaned down to kiss his lips and bite down on those perfect dick sucking lips. “Fuck you, asshole!” Uruha hissed, feeling how Aoi wrapped his hand around his neck and held him down. Uruha was so incredibly turned on, he dug his nails into Aoi’s forearms, feeling how hot his skin got. 

Aoi held on to Uruha’s thighs, opening then wide as he drove his cock inside his lover’s tight ring of muscles. Maybe this is what they both needed, a hard and rough fuck. Aoi felt the sweat dripping down his face, loving how Uruha’s eye makeup had smeared and his eyes were smoky and sensual.  

“Mmm god, Aoi...” Uruha whimpered, letting some of his bratty attitude falter, he loved the way Aoi’s thick cock moved in and out of him. How he could feel Aoi’s muscles flexing as he clenched right around his cock. He wanted Aoi to be rough to him, he fucking loved it.  

Suddenly, Aoi pulled out of Uruha’s body. He stood up and yanked Uruha up, pressing him flush against him. “Mm what are you gonna do?” Uruha purred, his eyes narrowing dangerously, “You gonna teach me a lesson?” Aoi growled low as he squeezed Uruha’s face with his hand and kissed him hard, bruising his mouth. He pushed him against the wall roughly and grabbed his long dancer leg and hiked it up. Aoi held Uruha against the wall as he began fucking him again. Hard and messy.  

“I'll teach you a lesson alright,” Aoi hissed into his ear, thrusting in and out of him with all strength his body could muster. He grabbed Uruha’s cock and jerked it almost brutally, biting into his lip as Uruha mumbled something. “You’ll learn it so well, you’ll know never to disobey me again.” He growled. 

When Uruha’s legs started trembling, Aoi lifted him up a bit, fucking him harder against the wall before gabbing his body to throw him back on the bed. Uruha’s legs were twitching, yet he didn’t dare to move. Aoi went to his suitcase and dug around for a few seconds, until he came back to his rebellious lover and covered his eyes with a cloth, making a tight knot. Uruha also felt how Aoi put something tight around his erection before thrusting into him again, all while closing his hand tightly around his cock. 

Aoi was on fire. Rage and lust fought inside him, jealousy did its part when he remembered how close Daisuke had come to Uruha. He let his hands and mouth dance over Uruha’s body, so his mark would be left on every inch of his pale skin. Aoi bit into his neck, sucking on his flesh and leaving a dark mark. 

“If you ever slap me again,” Aoi began, “I’m going to show you what it’s like to provoke someone who deals with the Yakuza on a daily basis.” The alcohol and coke worked in unison to make Aoi sound as threatening and angry as possible, he would never in his life lay a hand on Uruha. The anger he felt racing through his veins wasn’t directed at his lover, as much as it was at their situation.  However, Uruha’s whimpering just made Aoi go wilder and harder. 

Uruha shut his eyes tight, moaning loudly as each sensation worked through his body. “I’m not fucking scared of you...” Uruha groaned, he wished he could see Aoi’s face, he wanted him to see in his eyes that he wasn’t lying. Uruha wasn’t scared anymore, he could be thrown at the wolves and he’d come back leading the pack. After everything that had happened with him and Aoi, fear didn’t faze him. In part he had Aoi to thank for that as well.  

Uruha arched his back off the bed, feeling Aoi’s hands on his chest and hips, and then back up to take the makeshift blind fold off.  

He pulled him up so Uruha could sit on his lap, he loved seeing him bouncing up and down on his hard cock. He could see the honesty and determination in Uruha’s eyes and it was like he was looking into the eyes of someone new. Uruha was a handful and that’s why Aoi was glad he had two hands.  

He kissed him hard, laying down and pulling Uruha down with him. His pelvic muscles moving up and thrusting his cock deep inside Uruha’s stretched entrance. Aoi felt himself getting closer to the end, between the drugs and the adrenaline moving through him, he could go at any moment. Uruha had finally started submitting to Aoi, he couldn’t keep up the façade. He was glad he had gotten Aoi mad, and now he could relish in the hot and rough sex they were having. 

“I’m sorry,” Uruha whispered between his incessant moans, his catty attitude faltering. “Fuck, fuck, I’m sorry, Aoi.”  

Those words were all Aoi needed to cum. He shut his eyes as tight as he could, cumming hard. Instead of the usual sensations and the ecstasy he felt normally, his release was easing his stress and relieving his anger. Aoi’s pace got slower as he gently pulled out again, and made Uruha lay down on his back again. 

“Good.” Aoi growled, pretending to still hold a grudge even though Uruha’s lustful apology had melted all of his insides. He knew Uruha was in pain from being too hard from the cock ring Aoi had put around him, but he wasn’t done with him yet. Calmly, and as if he had all the time in this world, Aoi fished for his cigarettes out of his jean’s pocket, putting one between his lips and crossing his legs before lighting it up.  

The nicotine calmed his blood down and Aoi felt how he started breathing normally again. Smoke was filling up the large hotel room. All the windows were closed and even if his nose had been stuffed with cocaine earlier in the night, Aoi could still smell their sweat and the alcohol on their breath. 

The sun started rising as it shone through the transparent curtains, the rays of light decorated Uruha’s slender body beautifully. Anything his lover did always looked like an art, even when he wasn’t thinking about it. Aoi could worship this man for as long as time allowed him. 

Aoi finished his cigarette as he came back to Uruha, kissing his lips as gently as he had always been with him, massaging and stroking his erection languidly. He appreciated his lover being so subservient. Slowly, Aoi removed his cock ring and immediately felt how a huge load spilled out of Uruha, making him nearly lose his sanity. All of Aoi’s fingers and Uruha’s hips were sticky and wet, but Aoi was too lazy to take care of it. 

“Lick it off.” He held his dripping hand in front of Uruha’s face, who obeyed. A slight warm smile was forming on Aoi’s face as he saw how neatly and submissively Uruha did it. 

“That was amazing,” Uruha couldn't help but comment, his breath still coming in uneven intervals. “But I’m going to be sore for awhile, I think.” Aoi instantly felt a bit bad for being so rough with his lover, but it had been in the heat of the moment and they both secretly enjoyed it. Aoi wouldn’t ever hurt Uruha on purpose, the roughness that had exuded from him was all the pent-up aggression he had inside. And he knew that Uruha felt the same way.  

Neither of them felt like cleaning up, the bed was a mess and their clothes were scattered and torn on the floor, but Uruha and Aoi didn’t care. Aoi wrapped his arms around his waist, pressing soft kisses to his neck as a sort of apology for the marks he had there. Aoi was sure he had long red marks on his arms from how deep Uruha scratched him. But he didn’t care. Their morning was perfect as the sun shone through the curtains and played with the mussed locks of Uruha’s golden hair.  

“I love you, Aoi.” Uruha whispered lazily, turning his head to kiss Aoi’s lips tenderly.  

“I love you too Uru,” Aoi whispered back and kissed Uruha’s bare shoulder while crawling closer to him.  “So much.” He caressed his body as if he had never felt any anger. Aoi was exhausted from everything, his body felt like a stone; but his head and his heart were wide awake and it was pounding again from all the coke, and even if Aoi tried to get some rest by closing his eyes he would be able to truly rest. He watched as Uruha fell asleep next to him, breathing in and out in the same steady rhythm. 

Aoi felt uneasy, but the look of his sleeping angel made his insides soft and warm. He spent some time just cuddling with his sleeping body before he finally dozed off into a light sleep.  

Uruha woke up sometime during the early afternoon. As expected, his body ached allover and his energy felt low. He stretched his muscles and reluctantly pulled away from Aoi, who had clung to him sometime during the early morning. He watched his sleeping boyfriend for a while longer and then dug around for his night pants.  

Uruha quietly made his way to the balcony, careful not to make too much noise and wake Aoi up. The sun was shining bright in the sky, making the turquoise water shimmer and glow. The ocean looked too enticing, it reminded Uruha of the first time he and Aoi spent time together. When they were near the ocean, it was as if all their worries got swept away by the tide.  

The ocean kept beckoning Uruha until he gave in and threw on some swimming trunks and headed downstairs. Thankfully, though the weather was perfect, not many people were on the beach. Uruha felt relieved, he didn’t speak the language well and wouldn’t know what to say if someone approached him.  

Without hesitation, he walked onto the beach, feeling the warm sand between his toes. Uruha took a deep breath as he dipped his toe into the water, perfect temperature, soon he got all the way inside, his body relaxing instantly.  

Aoi suddenly woke up.  He opened his eyes, rubbing the sand out of them, he realized that Uruha wasn’t next to him. His blood pressure was low and he felt nauseous as he stood up. He sat in silence for a bit, realizing there was no sound coming from the bathroom either. The curtains were open and so was the door to the terrace.  

Aoi walked out but Uruha wasn’t there. His insides were cramping painfully. This was exactly the moment he had been scared of since they had met. Had he been too harsh? Was he still mad at Aoi for being jealous? For wanting to go home? For being too rough with him? He had any and all reasons to be. Aoi’s head hurt. 

As he checked the room, Uruha’s suitcase was still there, so were the shoes he had worn the previous night. Maybe he was getting food at the hotel restaurant? Aoi slipped into some fresh clothes and put on flip flops before he rushed into the lobby. He wanted to ask the lady at the reception desk if she had seen Uruha, but Aoi didn’t feel like he could explain what he wanted in English.  Aoi shook his head and turned on his heel to check the bar and the restaurant, but Uruha wasn’t there either. 

Irritated and confused he walked out of the hotel, straight to the beach.  

Lost in his own thought, he kept looking around for a man that looked like Uruha - and out of his mouth came an absurd noise as he felt something cold and wet on his shoulders. 

“Did I scare you?” Uruha exclaimed happily as he placed his wet hands on Aoi. 

“Oh my god yes you did!” Aoi yelped before laughing in relief as he saw his boyfriend standing behind him, all wet with sand covered legs. 

“Sorry babe, I didn’t mean to do that,” but Uruha was smiling as he said this, that beautiful smile that always gave Aoi butterflies. “I’m glad you made it, look at this day. It’s perfect.” Aoi smiled at that, bringing Uruha’s face closer to his so he could kiss him, there was something perfect he was looking at, alright.  

Uruha smiled into the kiss, not wanting to let go of Aoi’s lips. They felt warm and soft against him and Aoi lightly licked them, tasting the salty water from the ocean.  

“You’re getting in, aren’t you?” Uruha asked, already tugging on Aoi’s shirt, “I bet swimming under the moonlight is just as beautiful.” Uruha took Aoi’s hand and guided him to the edge of the water, he got in and splashed around, trying to get Aoi wet. Aoi figured a dip in the ocean would do him some good. He quickly pulled off his shirt and slipped out of his shorts so he could join his boyfriend in the water. Uruha bit down on his bottom lip at the sight of Aoi’s bare chest, he had a natural tan but Uruha was sure that during their vacation, Aoi would get darker.  

Uruha smirked, hands wrapping around Aoi’s neck as he pulled him deeper into the clear water, it truly was stunning. There weren’t any waves, so they just relaxed. Feeling as the sun shone down on them, keeping them warm while the cool water chilled them down. “Can we live here forever?” Uruha asked, letting Aoi sway him in the water.  

“You were a merman in your past life, weren’t you?” Aoi chuckled, trying to switch the topic, he wanted to indulge his lover, but he didn’t want to fill his head with false promises. He felt exhausted due to not eating all day, but the sun and the sea felt too good. He couldn’t be bothered to move. 

They were splashing around in the water and teasing each other. Aoi dived and pulled Uruha’s ankles underwater to drag him down. As he came up to the surface, he saw Uruha’s head popping up too. 

Aoi felt how Uruha was pushing him down this time, pressing his lips on his when both their heads were under water. Tasting salt in slow motion, Aoi was tempted to open his eyes, and for a moment he saw Uruha’s beautiful face, surrounded by floating golden hair, his pale body shining bright in the sunlight.  

As they both could breathe air again Aoi was coughing, the image of Uruha still on his mind.  

“This is heaven,” Uruha whispered as he stroked Aoi’s cheeks softly, “It’s what I truly want.” Aoi smiled as he pressed their lips together, he kissed him tenderly and carefully, not anything like the previous night. That had been wild and exciting, and Aoi wondered briefly if he had stepped over any boundaries. But Uruha’s eyes never lied to him, he knows that Uruha was in control of the situation, of his body. If he wanted Aoi to stop, Aoi would have stopped, no questions asked. Uruha was truly free, and Aoi had never doubted that. It just felt like Uruha was starting to finally believe it.  

“I wanna lay on the beach with you and watch the sunset,” Uruha murmured, his wet golden hair was sticking beautifully to his face, and Aoi reached out, caressing him, showing Uruha how much he meant to him, “We could do that, and afterwards we can get naughty in the hot tub, up to you.” Uruha smirked and Aoi’s eyebrow rose in question, pondering the things he and Uruha could do together. He had to smirk as well as Uruha took his hand and they walked out of the water. The warm air dried their bodies quickly, walking on the shore as they looked for a little space in the shade under the palm trees.  

Aoi offered Uruha his dry t-shirt to sit on, though it was pointless, because sand would find a way to go back to Japan with them no matter what. He looked around the beach for long moment, and not far from them was a small wooden hut that offered surfboards for rent. Aoi felt nostalgic when he looked at them, thinking about his early teens when he went surfing during the summer months every year. There were no waves at all in Miami today, but if he got the chance, he’d definitely try to go back one day to Mie where he could meet the waves from his past once more. Next to the surfboards, there was a stand with acoustic guitars as well. Aoi was surprised; he told Uruha he wanted to check something out and went to the surfboard rental to ask the person. 

As far as he understood, the guitars were for rent as well, so Aoi didn’t hesitate too long. He paid for one hour and came back to Uruha, who had closed his eyes and seemed to be enjoying the soft wind drying his hair. 

“Look what I found!” Aoi exclaimed. He sat down next to him and crossed his legs, tuning the instrument a little more before improvising a little melody.  Aoi felt how life streamed back through him in every moment he strummed over the strings. Even though he hadn’t played in a while, everything he had practiced before and still remembered seemed to sound alright. 

“I really missed playing. Do you think you can teach me the song you showed me at your place that one time?”  

Uruha’s eyes widened in surprise and his heart felt full as he saw Aoi holding the acoustic guitar. The hotel featured a lot of good and convenient amenities and Uruha was thankful for that. “It’s so beautiful,” he admired it, running his fingers down the soft wood, “I’d love to! If I can remember how the song went.” He and Aoi both laughed, Aoi knew that Uruha would remember instantly when his fingers strummed the strings. 

The guitar had a sturdy feel to it as Uruha set it down on his lap, one hand holding the neck as his fingers experimentally plucked a few random chords. “Hmm, we’ll I’m not the best at explaining so just try to watch my fingers,” Uruha smiled shyly as Aoi scooted closer to him, eyes wide with fascination. Uruha started playing the beginning, instantly picking up the rhythm and remembering how the song went. He stopped momentarily, looking confused and a bit annoyed.  

“Huh, I always have this issue with acoustics, they don’t feel as smooth as my electric, and I feel like I’m not playing the song right.” Uruha looked frustrated, and Aoi wanted to teach him how to get comfortable with the acoustic, it was his preferred guitar and he wanted to hear more of Uruha’s pretty song.  

Aoi let out a soft laugh, his hand brushing up against Uruha’s tenderly. “Yeah, the acoustic ones want to be treated with a lot of respect, it’s almost too much. I’ve handled many in my day, but I don’t think I’ve perfected it yet, but I feel like you need to be sensitive, yet strong at the same time. It’ll guide you if you’re gentle, but firm with the strings.” Aoi took the guitar from Uruha gently, and played a simple song, repeating a few chords and building a rhythm. 

For a while they just kept jamming and Aoi truly felt the true taste of paradise. Never ever he had imagined to have a moment like this. Only with the company of his lover and music, on a opalescent beach and surrounded by turquoise water and white-hot sunshine. 

When Aoi’s stomach growled loudly, Uruha brought the guitar with him and dragged Aoi back to the hotel to order food. He didn’t want their moment to end, but they would have other chances to play guitar on the beach.  

The late afternoon crept up on them in no time and Aoi felt like passing out from hunger. He had overexerted himself the previous night and his body needed energy.  The hotel restaurant seemed to have decent food options, leaning more towards the American cuisine, but Aoi and Uruha were hungry enough that anything tasted delicious. After eating some solid food, they ordered a bottle of wine and when Aoi finally felt like his stomach wasn’t empty anymore he started drinking with Uruha. 

Wine was always sneaky and devious, especially the ones in the red variety, and Uruha knew what it would do to him. Soon the pretty blonde's cheeks were glowing and he became very talkative and bubbly. Uruha suddenly spilled the funniest stories and Aoi just watched him talking endlessly, like a waterfall. 

“So, if we’re already talking about the past, what was your first crush like?” Aoi asked curiously. 

Uruha took another sip of his wine and licked his lips, humming softly, “It’s been so long,” he laughed, “I can only think about my current crush,” he smiled cheekily, and Aoi did too, affectionately rubbing Uruha’s hand. “I think my first crush was sometime when I was a kid. Back when I lived with both my parents, my mom hadn’t sent me off with my grandma yet. It was my then best friend Akira,” the last part came out as a whisper, “He was the first person that I ever felt comfortable with and he gave me butterflies, I never cared that he was boy either. He would always sit with me at lunch, do everything with me, and never left me alone,” Uruha smiled softly, his lips turning into a small frown, “But then when we were teenagers, he moved with his family and I never saw him again, and eventually I just forgot about him.” 

“Maybe we could look for him when we come back and things are a bit...less chaotic.” Aoi smiled. If Uruha’s friend or maybe even first love had turned into a very average guy who had finished university or something like that, Aoi didn’t want to scare or involve him in any way. Because of their lives, no one around them could be safe. The Yakuza would eventually get involved, since they had their own ways of finding people. 

Uruha nodded sheepishly, and Aoi could see the hurt in his eyes, could feel how much Uruha missed his friend. He knew that Uruha loved his best friend dearly and even developed a crush because he wasn’t like the other kids. Uruha had been bullied so much, and when he found someone that accepted him for who he was, he finally felt happy. And that made Aoi’s heart melt. “If we can’t find him, I just hope that he’s happy,” Uruha held on to Aoi’s hand tightly, “Because I’m happy now. I found someone, someone that makes me feel invincible and loved.” The cheesy smile was back and Aoi loved it, he loved how Uruha’s nose would scrunch up adorably and how his eyes would shimmer. “What about you Tiger?” Uruha asked, “I’m sure you were a flirt when you were younger.”  

“My first crush was an egocentric idiot but I would have died for him, I guess,” Aoi laughed about the blindness and stupidity of his own teenage self. “He had bleached hair even though that was forbidden at our school. He was tall and athletic, captain of my school’s baseball team. All the girls were crazy about him. All the girls and me. To be fair, he was the same dick to me as he had been to all of the girls before, but he never meant anything to me, no one I ever met back then meant anything to me. I was just clueless and desperate to fit in, not a lot changed as I got older; my future was clouded and dim...”  

Aoi took Uruha’s hand and tenderly kissed his fingers. 

“My future shines a lot brighter now because you’re with me.”  

As they finished their food and their wine induced heart to heart conversation, Uruha and Aoi returned back to their room. Uruha went to take a shower, Aoi turned on the TV while he waited for him. His lover wasn’t saying a single word about it, but Aoi could see how sore he was by the way he walked and sat down or moved his body in the chair during dinner.  

Aoi decided to make up for his soreness tonight.  

Uruha came out of the shower with his hair wrapped in a towel and his body in a fluffy hotel bathrobe. Aoi watched how carefully he sat down in a chair across the TV. Aoi’s heart was pounding as his eyes followed Uruha’s elegant body silhouette, his delicate crossed legs, his slender hands, his long neck. 

His skin was still glowing with faint traces of sand from their moment on the beach, Aoi was sure that some rogue sand had remained on his clothing and the water from the shower hadn’t completely removed it. Aoi didn’t mind, he could see more sand in Uruha’s golden hair and he loved it. 

Aoi didn’t hesitate much longer, he went over to his lover who sat in this chair like a deity and knelt down in front of him. Resting his cheek on one of his thighs, he caressed his legs and felt himself melting under Uruha’s fingers as they combed gently through his hair.  

“Aoi,” Uruha whispered, his lover’s name slipping from his mouth like a forbidden mantra. “What are you doing?” Uruha gently stroked the hand caressing his skin, feeling his heart skipping several beats. Aoi looked at him reverently as he undid the string of his robe and exposed his beautiful body, his lips were back on Uruha’s milky skin, kissing and caressing him lovingly. Nothing in the world could compare to this, no drug could ever make him feel the way Uruha did.  

“Worshiping you.” Aoi delivered smoothly, a devilish grin touching the edge of his lips. 

Aoi’s hands ran down Uruha’s legs, loving how his lover still kept them smooth even though he didn’t have to, regardless appreciated the gesture. Lips traversed the long span of Uruha’s torso, worshiping every inch of his body. Aoi fluttered his eyes closed as he reached Uruha’s chest, he loved feeling his lover’s skin prickle there, his sensitive area. Fingers tangled themselves in Aoi’s soft onyx hair, pulling ever so slightly as sinful lips traveled up to a sharp jaw. “Mmm, Aoi, god,” Uruha let out a choked moan, his eyes closing at the feel of Aoi’s lips on his neck. “I love you, baby, so much.” Aoi finally found Uruha’s lips, those soft and plump lips that he was completely obsessed with. He kissed him like the god he was, Aoi would do anything to show Uruha how much he meant to him.  

“I love you too...” Aoi whispered before kissing his earlobe, “You don’t even know how much.” 

Aoi’s hunger for Uruhas affection hadn’t changed a bit since he had seen him the first time, but as they spent more time together, they’d grown accustomed to each other, knowing which buttons to push to make the other go off, which parts to put attention on, which places to kiss. 

“I loved you since the very _first_ moment I saw you.” 

Open mouthed kisses followed on that, his own confession made him feel overly heated. Uruha’s quiet moans almost made Aoi lose control before what he intended on doing. He looked at him for what felt like a beautiful eternity, and when Uruha opened his eyes, a moment of almost intimidating eye contact made Aoi’s heart skip a beat or two. Those dark irises pierced through him, lustful and endless. 

Aoi’s hand brushed over Uruha’s thigh, feeling the familiar hard warmth he had become addicted to. 

“Excited?” Aoi smirked cheekily, caressing Uruhas length under the fluffy fabric again. He felt him twitching, his own cock painfully hard against the fabric of his pants. 

Supporting himself on Uruha’s lap, Aoi pushed the rest of the bathrobe covering Uruha’s body aside and placed his lips on the head of his cock, kissing it gently, licking his slit with torturous ease. 

“I’m here only for your pleasure tonight.” He whispered before letting Uruha’s length slip into his mouth.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for the long ass wait, a lot of unexpected stuff happened behind the scenes, but it's settling down now. Thank you for your patience, hope you enjoyed this! Updates will be faster! Thank you for reading!


	14. There’s Something in the Wind

Uruha felt like he was floating on cloud nine at how affectionate Aoi was being. He loved the feeling of his lover, his boyfriend, giving himself to him. Uruha’s body had belonged to Aoi the moment he had first touched him, when their eyes roamed appreciatively over their bodies the first time, Uruha had felt himself opening up. Wanting to give Aoi, everything. “I have an idea,” Uruha suddenly said, hands lightly running down Aoi’s hair. He stood up and led Aoi towards their balcony, the sun had started setting and this is precisely how he wanted to spend the evening. “Come here.” Uruha beckoned Aoi forward, he eagerly ripped off his clothes and followed Uruha into the jacuzzi. The jets were turned on and Uruha lowered his body in the hot water, Aoi’s lips back on his, kissing him breathless.

The setting sun was a beautiful backdrop to their heated escape, and Aoi felt like he could give his lover even more pleasure out here. The water warmed up their bodies, making their blood flow faster and Aoi’s cock pulsed against his stomach as he settled in between Uruha’s legs, lifting his body up so he could continue where he left off.

Uruha’s eyes rolled to the back of his skull at the feeling of Aoi’s mouth around his hard cock once more. The bubbles swayed his body gently and added to the bliss he felt. “Mm just like that Tiger..” Uruha moaned, Aoi’s lips slid down his length, taking him expertly down his mouth. The sun casted beautiful colors on Uruha’s pale skin as Aoi spread his lover’s legs, kissing his inner thighs and smiling as Uruha kept moaning his name.

Water splashed onto Aoi’s face as his head kept bobbing up and down. He hollowed his cheeks while having Uruha in his mouth, his tongue licking him down to the base. He tasted bitter drops of pre-cum as he let his tongue glide over his lover’s slit, devious hands groping Uruha’s soft ass. Aoi could feel how Uruha was growing bigger in his mouth. For a moment, Aoi let go of him, kissing his cheek before quickly slipping out of the tub, running back into their room to grab a bottle of lubricant from his suitcase. His cheeks were glowing red as he climbed back into the jacuzzi to sit on Uruha’s lap. Aoi placed the bottle on the edge of the tub before wrapping his arms around Uruha’s neck, kissing him languidly and letting his tongue dance with his lover’s. He tentatively placed his knees around Uruha’s thighs and grabbed his hand, leading it briefly to his entrance. Uruha understood what Aoi was trying to do, he kissed him reassuringly as he let his middle finger press in between Aoi’s legs. Aoi knew that even if he took over the majority of the dominant parts in their dynamic, he’d give Uruha the world. One word, one look, one touch and Aoi would be at his mercy. He was no longer just surviving somehow everyday; since Uruha came into his life, he felt like he had some sort of purpose for being alive, and Aoi knew that Uruha felt the same way.

Uruha’s finger had slipped into him and the sensation brought Aoi back to reality, he felt a fingertip brushing over his prostate, making him groan loudly in lust. He moved his body against Uruha’s chest, letting him take the lead. Uruha kept a steady rhythm against Aoi, two fingers now slipping in and out, loving how the tight heat felt around him. Uruha kissed Aoi deep and long as he lifted him up slightly and guided his cock inside of him. Aoi bit down on his bottom lip as he slid all the way down, his arms around Uruha’s frame, holding him tightly. He was relaxed and eager enough to forget the bottle of lubricant, Aoi just wanted to feel every inch of his lover.

Uruha started moving up, moving as much as the position allowed him to. It was harder in the water so he pulled he and Aoi up to sit on the edge of the hot tub. “Mmm, Aoi,” Uruha smirked into their kiss, groaning as he picked up the pace. Aoi held on to Uruha’s thighs as he bounced on his cock, eyes shut tightly as the spikes of pleasure traveled down his spine. “God, all of that teasing has me on edge..” Uruha let out huskily, his movements speeding up and nearly causing him topple over the edge. They had been teasing and giving each other affection all day and Uruha already knew that they’d be making love into the early hours of the morning. It was one of those days, the days where he and Aoi couldn’t keep their hands off each other.

Aoi felt how Uruha’s movements were becoming faster, he kept seeing stars every time he brushed over his sweet spot. Sweat dripped out of his hair and into the hot water and he couldn’t keep his eyes off Uruha’s sweaty face and slender torso moving back and forth as he thrusted in and out of him. Whimpering, Aoi grabbed his hair. He felt Uruha pulling his chin up to look into his eyes, moaning loudly at the feeling of him coming hot and intensely inside of him, his rapid movements now slow and sensual. “God, I love you Kouyou.” Aoi whispered again, feeling how Uruha kept moving, slower and slower before he pulled out. Aoi let them glide back into the bubbling water, brushing streaks of hair out of his face before kissing him.

“Summer’s in the air, and baby heaven’s in your eyes...especially after an orgasm.” Aoi leaned his head on Uruha’s shoulder and grabbed his hand, intertwining their fingers together. “Let’s turn our lives into a piece of art when we’re back. We have nothing to lose, nothing to gain. I just want to feel free with you. Just like now. I’d be okay with dying young as long as I can be with you. I don’t even need drugs. If it’s for the sake of our lives, I’ll give them up in a heartbeat.”

Uruha nearly melted against Aoi’s touch. When he called him by his real name, everything flashed before him, his past, the present, the future, it was all clear as day and Uruha felt like everything he had been through in life led him to this moment right now. “It’s you, it’s you, it’s all for Yuu,” Uruha whispered against Aoi’s lips, “Everything I do, I’d tell you all the time. Heaven is truly a place on earth when I’m with you.”

Uruha held on to Aoi as he held on to him, their eyes open and honest, true conviction in their words. They really did exist for one another, they had found each other in the darkest places of their lives. When nothing went right, when the world was a cold and a shallow place, they had seen the light in each other’s eyes. They’d never second guess the validity of the red string of fate. It was real, and it had trailed beside them through their lives until they found each other.

“I love you so much, Yuu,” Uruha murmured, “You make me feel complete, you light up every dark corner of my soul.” The sunset fell in deep shades of purple and blood orange, with nighttime quickly approaching. Uruha could feel the fireworks going off in his heart each moment he breathed.

Their vows of love made Aoi’s heart feel on fire. Throughout his life of doing drugs, he usually felt as if his spirit wasn’t really safe in his body, but being with Uruha made him feel safe, as if he had finally arrived home. For some reason, the intimacy they shared brought Aoi back down to earth again; he couldn’t explain why, but it always felt right. As if overcoming certain circumstances with Uruha enabled him to come back to his roots. For a long while they just sat in comfortable silence.

Silence, summer heat and a breathtaking sunset.

When their hands were all wrinkly and soft, they finally decided to leave the jacuzzi. Aoi looked around for a towel and handed it to Uruha, before drying his own body carefully. He slipped into a fresh pair of shorts and put on a very slouchy tank top before throwing himself back onto their soft mattress. The TV Aoi had put on before was still going. As Uruha joined him, Aoi curled up into a ball and snuggled close to Uruha, watching the show on TV even if he had no clue what was going on. This peaceful and slow vibe without any pressure around them made Aoi feel almost as if he was dreaming, blacked out from happiness. He could feel his eyelids getting heavy with each passing moment, listening closely to Uruha’s soft and steady breathing as he succumbed to sleep. They had spent a wonderful day lounging and enjoying what vacation meant. They had two weeks to do whatever they wanted. Aoi smiled softly as he shut his eyes and turned off the light beside the bed, pleasant thoughts drifting him off to a deep slumber.

***

“Are you gonna be boring today or what?” Uruha teased, lightly nudging Aoi who was threatening to fall asleep at any moment over their breakfast on the balcony. “We don’t have to go to a nightclub, we can just go out, explore a bit.” Aoi thought about that for a moment, Miami was beautiful during the daytime with its many shops and restaurants, he was positive that they’d have a nice time. He wasn’t in the mood for the pounding music or the cramped clubs anyway, he could get behind going downtown and exploring some places.

He agreed and Uruha nearly jumped out of his seat, rushing to the bathroom to get himself ready. Aoi chuckled as he took his cup of coffee with him and watched his lover getting ready, it really didn’t take much to make him happy. It would be lovely to walk around all the beach shops and perhaps even taking a dip in the ocean again. The previous night played back in Aoi’s mind, remembering Uruha’s moonlit silhouette in the jacuzzi. The moon always reminded Aoi of Uruha, golden and shining brightly in the darkness. Uruha’s golden hair and his infallible smile, a smile so innocent and pure even after everything he had gone through in life.

Aoi casually styled his hair and grabbed his wallet and cigarettes before they headed out. He didn’t know why Uruha was wearing the tiniest shorts known to man, they were centimeters from riding up his ass and though he didn’t mind the view, he didn’t want everyone else to see. But Aoi wasn’t in charge of Uruha’s body so they left regardless, the taxi Aoi had called waiting for them outside.

As they took their seats in the backseat of the car, Aoi told the driver to bring them downtown, he put his hand on Uruha’s naked thigh as the engine started.“It’s not like I don’t wanna go out with you and have a nice time, but allow me to be boring sometimes, don’t you miss being bored after everything that happens in our life?” Aoi chuckled wearily, he loved going out, especially with his lover, however, just hanging out and playing beneath the bedsheets and having no worries could be just as fun. Nevertheless, it was thrilling to discover new places with Uruha. His curiosity and his active spirit kept Aoi from isolating himself too much from the world, which he definitely had a tendency to do, especially before meeting Uruha. After a while the driver stopped near a busy street; Aoi paid him, got out of the car and opened the door for Uruha.

He took his hand as they followed the bright lights that came from the other end of the street. “Do you want to go to a specific place? We haven’t tried American junk food yet!” People passing by were definitely looking at them and some of them absolutely checked out Uruha’s barely covered ass. It wasn’t an everyday thing that an openly gay Japanese couple that looked like them walked the streets of Miami.

Something in Aoi’s chest swelled with pride, but an insecure voice at the bottom of his guts felt anxious and made him feel like he had to look out for his boyfriend not getting harassed. Not only from thirsty guys that were as present here as in Tokyo, but also from people who just didn’t like androgynous men, or gays or androgynous gay couples.  
He knew Uruha was able to protect himself, but Aoi didn’t want to risk anything. He didn’t want a repetition of what had happened at the club when someone had gotten too friendly with Uruha.

“Hm, well we can start here and just go from there?” Uruha commented, he pointed at the kitschy gift shop that was in front of them, it seemed to have an array of different souvenirs and though they had no one at home to give them to, they could keep it for themselves. “Oh! This place has candy!” Uruha nearly yanked Aoi’s arm off as he pulled him into the shop, his senses overloading at how bright and shiny everything inside was. They did have candy and random gifts and Aoi laughed as he watched Uruha look around at the candy with the same gaze he’d have when he was presented some of his other favorite candy. Aoi smirked, wondering where downtown he could get them some more exciting candy. There were tons of shady places around and he didn’t want to put them at risk for the sake of getting high, but he still would keep his eyes open for any covert dealers.

“Ah! This is so cute, Aoi look!” Uruha pointed out, grabbing a giant gummy bear from one of the shelves. Uruha had taken a hit of some of the sugar Aoi had cut on the table and pretty much finished the last of it. The effects were evident now and Aoi was sure that they’d be hauling bags full of random knick knacks and stuff they didn’t need, but anything to keep that smile on Uruha’s face.

Aoi was thrilled by Uruha’s enthusiasm, regardless of how he had gotten it. It was too endearing, he seemed to have turned into a child again. He smirked at his lover who was hellbent on getting that gummy bear.  
“Do you want it, Uru?”

They left the shop with a big bag indeed, following the street where Aoi’s nose got stuck on a shop window that displayed very expensive designer sunglasses. It wasn’t like he already didn’t own 17 pairs but who could resist Dior’s latest eyewear collection? The shop was already closed, Aoi clenched his fist while promising himself to go back there before they had to go home. They walked towards a big plaza, and Aoi was sure he smelled marijuana in the air. “I miss Mary-Jane,” He sighed.“Should’ve bought some from the guy at the club..”

Near the plaza was a big skate ramp, and plenty of guys in baggy shorts and caps were showing off their skills on their boards. For a while Aoi and Uruha just watched them, until a guy passed by them a little too close and out of nowhere, slapped Uruha’s ass. Uruha cursed loudly and was blatantly perturbed. The guy who just had harassed him flinched in shock: he didn’t understand Japanese but he did hear Uruha’s voice and concluded that he had just harassed a man.

“Piss off, faggots.” Was the only thing he said before joining the other skaters on the ramp.  
Uruha swallowed hard, Aoi was furious. He was about to go after him and probably do something he would later regret, but Uruha pulled him back. Aoi growled and possessively pulled Uruha by his hand and stomped away with him.  
“I wanna break his fucking jaw….” He spat out.

“He’s a worthless piece of shit,” Uruha scoffed, rubbing the part of his ass where he had just been wrongfully slapped. “Guys like him always littered the strip club. They hated the idea of men being gay, but they’d love touching and fucking the male dancers.” Uruha was disgusted and the look in his eyes let Aoi know that he knew that from experience. He was about to grab Uruha’s hand to lead them away from the plaza, but Uruha had other plans as he stormed back towards the man who had just harassed him. Aoi panicked and ran after him, trying to grab him but Uruha yanked his hand away.

“What the fuck do you want?” The man spat out angrily as Uruha stepped in front of him. All his buddies stopped and stared, surprised to see him standing there.

Uruha smiled bitterly, his head cocked to the side when his fist went flying towards the man’s face, causing him to nearly fall on his ass. Aoi gasped, running towards Uruha and trying to push him away but he wouldn’t move. He stood his ground as the man grabbed his face and realized his nose was bleeding. He was in shock, completely speechless.

“How does it feel getting knocked on your ass by a faggot?” Uruha hissed, the man only understood one word but was too stunned to say or do anything. All of his buddies started laughing at him and all he could do was run away, head hung down in shame.

Uruha felt proud and walked back towards Aoi, who had to pick his jaw up from the floor. He couldn’t believe Uruha had just done that. It was the most unexpected and incredible thing he had ever witnessed. “Serves him right.” Uruha smirked, surprised when Aoi pulled him towards him and kissed him hard. Aoi was turned on.

“You are so cool babe,” Aoi let out, putting his arm around Uruha’s waist. He was genuinely impressed. “Let’s take a taxi before they gang up and decide to beat the shit out of us.” He chuckled and waved for a cab that drove by on the street. They sat in the back and he told the driver to get them further into the center or the city, handing him some cash so he wouldn’t ask any more questions. Aoi felt incredibly turned on, but couldn’t do much about it. Regardless, his hormones took over as he pulled Uruha onto his lap and wrapped his arms around his neck to kiss him passionately. He had to smile into their kiss as he felt Uruhas tongue on his lips, asking for entry which he granted him. Aoi wished this moment could last forever, their tongues dancing against each other and the world around them becoming meaningless.  
For a second, Aoi dared to open his eyes a little bit, to glance at Uruha’s flushed face that was lost in ecstasy.

The driver coughed awkwardly as he stopped near a strip of more shops and restaurants. Uruha and Aoi reluctantly pulled away from each other, Aoi thanked the cab driver, a guilty grin on his face. They left the car with their faces all red and sweaty. Aoi tried to breathe normally to keep his brain under control and not let his groin take over. “That was hot...“ he uttered again, scratching the back of his head. “I don’t think I’ve ever been turned on by you throwing a punch.” Uruha laughed, kissing Aoi’s cheek softly. “There’s a first time for everything.”

They walked across the street and Aoi’s eyes were glowing as he saw a big shop window that was full of guitars.  
“ _ESP MIAMI_ ” read the sign over the closed door and Aoi walked straight towards the corner where a lot of electric guitars were displayed. A black double neck 12 string model he had been dreaming of sparkled in the light of its display.  
“Look at this..” he whispered while pointing at it. “I don’t think I’m good enough to play one of these yet, but one day...”

“What a beauty,” Uruha admired as well, nearly drooling at all the guitars he could see from the window, “I’m dying to see you play electric, I bet you’re amazing. You’re probably better than you think.”Uruha grabbed Aoi’s hand and leaned against his shoulder, he could imagine life with Aoi, waking up everyday to that gorgeous face, guitars everywhere in their house, ready for them to play at any moment. That life seemed possible, but the reality of that could never truly happen. Uruha and Aoi’s life could never truly be what they wanted it to be, and Uruha tried not to dwell on that. But he still wanted to fantasize about the impossible things. He still held on to the hope that perhaps one day they’d wake up and life would be just as they’d dreamed it.

“Come on,” Uruha gently pulled Aoi’s hand and led him down the rest of the street, there was another music store that happened to be open. It was small and cramped, the instruments it had were old and used but Uruha didn’t mind. He smiled at the shop owner and bowed slightly, heading straight towards the guitars. Most of the models were outdated, and for some reason they felt more special to him. They held sentimental value, they were perhaps a piece of someone’s history. “I want you to play me a song, anything you want.” Uruha smiled at Aoi who looked a bit surprised, he admired the way Uruha’s face seemed gentler than before. Aoi felt like Uruha seemed peaceful as he was surrounded by guitars. He eyed the acoustics, instantly gravitating to what he knew and loved the most.

Aoi tried a guitar and started playing; first shyly until he decided for something concrete to play, which happened to be _“Heroin”_ by The Velvet Underground. It sounded different on an acoustic, cleaner, but rhythmic and blue. He shortened the chorus a little since it was a simple part that had been repeated many times. Everything around him turned silent when he played, and every time he strummed the strings, they became louder. Aoi looked down at his hands awkwardly when he finished the song. He didn’t play it without mistakes, but he had kept the rhythm constantly without starting over. His heart was pounding when his eyes met Uruha’s golden irises that were sparkling in the neon lights. He placed the guitar back on its display and walked behind Uruha to look at the other models. Many of them were vintage with impressive decorations and made of rare materials. It made Aoi nervous that Uruha hadn’t said anything at all.

It was one of those moments where Aoi actually felt insecure and became overly aware of every step that he took. They left the shop and out of the blue, it started pouring, seconds later, thunder had announced a storm. Aoi wanted to grab Uruha’s hand and run somewhere, where they could hide from the rain, but Uruha just stopped him by grabbing his wrist and pulling him towards himself. Aoi felt his soft lips on his mouth, and his heart melted in an instant. In this second, Aoi knew that his song had moved Uruha deeply, in such a way he couldn’t use words but only affection. Aoi felt how his t-shirt was soaked, but he couldn’t let go of Uruha’s lips.

“I—I didn’t say anything,” Uruha murmured between kisses, “Because you played so beautifully Aoi, you took my breath away, god you don’t even know,” Uruha held on to his lover’s hands, smiling genuinely, “You’re a true artist, my love.” Aoi felt his heart nearly beating out of his rib cage. The way Uruha held him so tenderly, the words he had said to him, it all felt so overwhelmingly incredible. Aoi felt like he was floating, his cheeks hurting from smiling.

“I love you, Uru.” He whispered, cradling Uruha’s face and kissing him lovingly, not bothered by the torrential downpour falling on them. His only attention was on Uruha.

After their sweet moment, Uruha and Aoi continued walking down the street, trying to find a place that was open so he could at least try to get dry. A small Cuban coffee shop was open and they hurried inside. Uruha hummed in appreciation as his nostrils were infiltrated by the wonderful aroma of coffee, delicious and authentic coffee. He and Aoi sat down by the window and ordered two cups of piping hot coffee. It was beautiful watching the rain fall, and the flashes of lightning over the ocean.

Aoi held one of Uruha’s hands in both of his under the table, caressing the dainty bones, stroking over the soft skin. His heart was still jumping up and down repeatedly, he felt like his stomach did one jump after another. Aoi couldn’t remember the last time anyone had ever made him feel the way Uruha did, he was sure no one else had. What Uruha had said to him was an expression of love, but one that felt like it had touched Aoi’s naked soul.

Aoi couldn’t help but start to feel like he and Uruha were made for each other, from the first moment he knew meeting him had been different, not only because he was madly attracted to him from the start, but because this man triggered something within him that took the power over his mind. When he was with Uruha, and when they were surrounded by music, Aoi felt as if he was a step closer to his actual self. As if his true face had been buried underneath dirt and darkness before, but it had finally become ready to hatch.

Ever since he was around Uruha, since they had become closer, it felt like Aoi received more strength to dig himself out, to blink and see rays of sun. He needed more time until he’d be finally able to see his own full potential, but now he was sure that one of the thicker layers had been breached. Aoi wasn’t sure what was waiting behind it, but he had a strong feeling in his gut that it was a brighter future coming along with a massive change.

Aoi stirred his cup even though he hadn’t taken any sugar, gently placing the little spoon back on the saucer.

“Let’s make music together more often from now on.” Hastily, Aoi took a sip of the hot fluid, and furrowed his brows in pain as he burned his tongue. “Ouch!”

Uruha laughed out loud at the outburst.

“Don’t laugh, its you who’s gonna suffer if I can’t use my tongue to do naughty things to you anymore!” Aoi complained with a slight lisp since the tip of his tongue was numbed out.

“You’re adorable, you know that?” Uruha chuckled as he reached forward and caressed Aoi’s face, his lips craving more of his kisses. Uruha had become addicted to the way Aoi made him feel, he had connected with him on another plane of existence, of that he was sure. Since the moment he had laid eyes on his dark haired lover, Uruha knew that he had been captured. It had been a delight getting to know Aoi and seeing the beauty that lay hidden in the cracks of who he was. Uruha and Aoi had both taken their guard down the moment they spoke to each other, they were kindred spirits, their souls could recognize each other.

Something had been written ages ago to bring Aoi and Uruha together. The stars had been perfectly aligned, or something of similar proportion.

“I’d love to make more music with you,” Uruha exclaimed as he sipped on his coffee, gently blowing the steam off, “When we get back to the city, I’ll get Lizzy and we can play together. I know we’d harmonize together perfectly.” Aoi smiled knowingly as well, the way Uruha played was methodical and soulful and Aoi felt himself awakening when he held the guitar in his hands. He was sure that they’d be twin guitarists one day, if their dream of joining a band ever came to fruition.

“Also,” Uruha looked thoughtful for a moment, smiling almost to himself, “I never got to properly thank you for rescuing me that night that we met...you didn’t have to take me with you, but you did. And ever since that night, my life has changed. Aoi, thank you for coming into my life. For opening up to me and letting me in. I’m not one to ever trust strangers but I knew from the moment we met that we’d met before. Perhaps in another life, but you have always been there...”

**Author's Note:**

> This beautiful idea that hatched from our minds was heavily inspired by the queen Lana Del Rey and our muses Aoi & Uruha. We hope you enjoy the wild ride!


End file.
